be present

where are you? what are you doing? do you know what you want? are you listening? pay attention. stay focused. stop looking at your phone and computer. turn them off. put them away. be here. now. in the present. be with who you're with. talk with them. live with them. take some time. think. do you understand who you are? what you were called to do? pause. take it all in. what is your community? who is your community? what does local mean to you? do you have a presence? if you left your community, would you leave a mark? lead in the place you're called to. don't worry about the past. the future will come later. it's all about now. here. go all in. be rooted. when you're home, be home. focus. look at the big picture. be present. - adapted from a 'catalyst' mailer

i received the above quote in an email the other day, from hands & voices, a non-profit deaf | hard-of-hearing organization.  and it basically stopped me in my tracks. i read it. and re-read it. and read it again. and it's had me thinking ever since. i long to be present -- i mean REALLY present -- in my life, in the lives of those i love and care about, and in all that i do. i think being truly present is such a gift. and something i will be vigorously striving for in 2012.

are you present?

cleanse | days 10-12

DAY 10 -- breakfast: smoothie [protein, fiber, bee pollen, water, almond milk, raspberries, pineapple, spinach] snack: apple with almond butter lunch: [applegate] chicken sausage, lettuce, spinach, mushrooms, avocado & hummus wrapped in brown rice tortilla snack:  none dinner:  smoothie [protein, fiber, coconut water, raspberries, mango, kale]

while i was so hungry the previous three days, day 10 brought something different -- i was actually full after lunch and stayed satisfied the rest of the day.  well, i stayed hungry until we went to a 10 PM movie and oh...the smell of movie popcorn.

HELL YEA -- HALFWAY THERE!!!!!!

DAY 11 --

breakfast: smoothie [protein, fiber, bee pollen, flax meal, coconut water, mixed berries, pineapple, spinach, kale] snack: none lunch: smoothie [protein, fiber, bee pollen, flax meal, coconut water, mixed berries, pineapple, spinach, kale] snack:  none dinner: grilled chicken with side salad and 1/2 larabar [at restaurant at the polynesian hotel, disney world]

today was supposed to be disney world but the parks were so crowded, we decided not to go to any parks.  but we did go visit our friends, who were in orlando, from pennsylvania.  since i wanted to eat dinner with everyone, i decided to do a smoothie for breakfast and lunch and dinner at a restaurant [with our friends]. all went well with no cheating but i sure did want a sip of steve's jalapeno margarita and a bite of his white chocolate cheesecake. oh yea, i really wanted some of the fresh right-out-of-the-oven hawaiian bread too; it smelled amazing.

DAY 12 --

breakfast: smoothie [protein, fiber, bee pollen, flax meal, coconut water, mixed berries, pineapple, spinach, kale] snack: none lunch: salad of lettuce, avocado & black beans [at mexican restaurant at epcot] snack:  none dinner: a couple of beers

yes, you read right, i had a couple of beers at dinner. we spent the day with friends at epcot center and ended up at 'the house of blues' in downtown disney, for dinner. we sat on the patio, listening to awesome live music. we ate [well everyone except me], we drank and the kids played and played and played. we didn't get back home last night until about 10:30 PM and exhausted, i went right to bed. so it's now the morning of the 13th day and i'm back at it but feel pretty much like shit. i'm tired and way, way dehydrated right now.  but it sure was an awesome day and evening spent with our friends, who had flown in from DC. hoping to get my body back on track today.

you can find my original post regarding this clean program cleanse here.

a couple of iphone photos...

i love you...

after weeks of cutting out letters and words, my kids and i made this the other night -- an 'i love you' collage on a 20x20 canvas. and i love it so!

originally inspired by this 'i love you' collage

next, i'm going to make the 'I WILL SURVIVE' pot from this post.

ETA:  i've been getting some questions regarding how i made my 'i love you' collage.  so, here's what i did...

i started with a 20x20 canvas purchased from michaels. i didn't want the background stark white so we painted it a light beige. then the kids and i spent weeks cutting out letters from magazines, junk mail, etc. -- all shapes and sizes. to place the letters, i painted a layer of modge podge and then began sticking 'i love you' letters and words. the hard part is making sure that a complete word goes all the way to the edge, so begin thinking about this when you get close. once i had a few rows done, i modge podged on top of the letters. once the entire collage was done, i did a final two layers of modge podge on the entire thing. note: we were very low on Vs and Ys and had to do some more cutting of those letters. it was quite a time consuming but worth every minute!! it was super fun seeing how creative the kids got with the letter cutting -- a dragon's tail became a letter O, an eye became a letter I.

cleanse | days 7-9

DAY 7 --breakfast: smoothie [protein, fiber, bee pollen, water, blueberries, pineapple, kale] snack: none lunch: chicken, hummus, avocado, spinach & lettuce wrapped in a brown rice tortilla. carrots on the side. snack: pineapple dinner: smoothie [protein, fiber, water, mango, pineapple, kale]

another day of feeling great.  although i did feel more hungry than the previous few days. and i was up really late and so hungry by 1 AM, i could barely stand it.

and so begins week two.  YAY!

DAY 8 -- breakfast: smoothie [protein, fiber, bee pollen, flax meal, water, almond milk, blueberries] snack: apple with almond butter and juice [celery, beets, ginger, apple] lunch: a bowl chicken, spinach & mushroom soup and lara bar snack: carrots with hummus dinner: smoothie [protein, fiber, water, peach, pineapple, kale]

woke up and was certain my stomach was eating itself, i was so hungry. and the hunger continued throughout the entire day.  i was never satisfied...thought about food all day and dreamt about what my first meal will be post-cleanse.  besides being hungry, i felt great and even climbed the stairs, which also felt great. now to get my butt to yoga [why can't they have more morning yoga times?].

DAY 9 -- breakfast: smoothie [protein, fiber, bee pollen, water, peaches, raspberries, spinach] snack:  none lunch:  [applegate] chicken sausage, lettuce, spinach, avocado, drizzle of homemade dressing, wrapped in brown rice tortilla and 1/2 of a larabar [larabar = dessert] snack:  a few carrots dinner: smoothie [protein, fiber, water, almond milk, raspberries, pineapple]

while i was feeling good, day 9 was a day of wanting to be done.  i longed for a regular meal.  my tea was boring.  i was never satisfied throughout the day.  2-5 PM are my witching hours, for this cleanse.  thank goodness i'm doing this with a friend.  we gripe to one another. we share with one another. we support and encourage one another.

+++

i was reading about breaking bad habits last night and something i read shared about replacing a bad habit with a good one, e.g. replacing coffee with tea. sounds fine and dandy but all i can think about is having coffee again. but maybe that's because i'm not so committed to giving up coffee, when this is done. i've already said that i'm going back to coffee. i just am. so i guess i don't consider my coffee such a bad habit.

let day 10 begin. although i already really, really want a cup of coffee.  it smells so, so good!  and i have no idea how i'm going to manage days 11 and 12, being at disney world.

the coffee, that steve left behind when he left this morning, which i longed for but didn't have...

fav finds | week thirteen

something i try to teach my kids and always remember myself [source unknown].

love the thought of an envelope journal, to not only journal, but also collect important things from throughout the year.

so smart.

i really want pretty hangers. at least a few of them, for the  littles' room. hope to make someday.

can't wait to start photographing in the water again. love this photograph.

so love this idea of tracing the outline of famous art works and then letting the kids color them. here's how she does it.

sometimes a roar. sometimes a quiet voice.

would so love to have steve make this bookshelf. no room in this house; maybe our next house in a couple years.

love this idea for valentine's day cards. a template to allow your child to draw each child in their class and then attach candy.

oh pretty terrarium, how i want you so. but i'm afraid i might kill you, like i do all the other plants.

maybe i should start with this. yes, i'm so making one of these pots.

still dreaming about my partial tattoo sleeve. goodness, her sleeves are beautiful. [source unknown]

OMG, this photo melts my heart.

simple words [source unknown].

last but not least, this video rocks!

fight for air CLIMB 2012

i'm super excited to be participating again this year, in the american lung association's fight for air climb!! and my training has officially begun. at least this year, i'll be training for three months instead of three weeks. and my fundraising has begun... i'm raising funds for the american lung association and the fight against lung disease.  on march 26th, i'll be climbing the 42 flights of stairs (914 steps) of the bank of america plaza in downtown tampa.

my goal is to raise $200.

i hope you'll join me in my efforts...to make an impact in the lives of the over 35 million americans who are living with lung disease. your donation will help in the funding of the american lung association's life saving research, education and advocacy efforts.

to donate, simply click here, to view my fundraising page.

thank you so much for your support!

cleanse | days 4-6

DAY 4 --breakfast: smoothie [protein, fiber, water, ice, mango, pineapple, kale, spinach] snack: guacamole with a few brown rice crackers & half lara bar lunch: chicken with lettuce, onion and homemade dressing [kind of boring] snack: apple with almond butter [although i really wasn't hungry] dinner: smoothie [protein, fiber, water, ice, mango, pineapple, cantaloupe, kale, spinach]

day four was an overall great day. no ailments. and very productive day around the house -- cleaning, organizing, purging. my meals seem to be rather satisfying.

DAY 5 -- breakfast: smoothie [protein, fiber, water, ice, mixed berries, kale, spinach] snack: carrots with hummus lunch: chicken & avocado on bed of spinach [boring!] snack: none dinner: smoothie [protein, fiber, water, ice, mango, pineapple, spinach]

felt great. lots of energy. very productive. working hard to cleanse other areas of my life, along with cleansing my mind, body and soul [e.g. my to-do list]. i did get a bit of a headache in the evening, but it wasn't anything terrible. stayed up late and got super hungry around 10 PM.

DAY 6 -- breakfast: smoothie [protein, fiber, bee pollen, water, mixed berries, spinach] snack: none lunch: chicken, spinach, lettuce, avocado & hummus wrapped in brown rice tortilla snack: none dinner: smoothie [protein, fiber, flax meal, water, ice, mango, pineapple, kale]

day six was another great day. no ailments. lots of energy. busy day checking things off my to-do list. not really hungry at all. kids and steve had steak and mashed potatoes for dinner and then went for ice cream. not being able to eat the same dinner with my family is one of the toughest things about this program, for me. as i shared in a previous post, i do plan on eating two dinners with my family each week and on those days, i'll have a smoothie for breakfast and lunch.

what a difference days 4-6 have been compared to days 1-3, which were really tough. while i am getting a bit bored with my smoothies and the food in general, i have felt great these past few days. i fantasize about food-cheating many times throughout each day, but have yet to cheat. if only i could have all vegetables, butter, bananas and strawberries. and i really miss my morning coffee. i will most likely get back to stair-training tomorrow and still hope to try yoga [maybe next week]. we're headed to disney world sunday and monday, which should be VERY interesting [yes, i plan on sticking to the cleanse, while at disney].

lastly, i've talked to my kids about what i'm doing and they all seem to understand and support me. it's important to me that they realize that this is a short-term cleanse and that i am not dieting.

i really can't believe that at the end of today, i will have doing this a full WEEK! if interested in learning why i started the clean program, check out my initial post here. and have a question, feel free to ask.

cleanse | days 1-3

i decided to share my journey with the clean program, for anyone that might be interested in doing this cleanse in the future... i'm doing the clean program with my dear friend, em (thank goodness!!).  i can't share how much it has already helped, doing the cleanse with a friend -- sharing our food choices, different ideas, our moans & groans, etc. we both decided that we would skip the elimination diet and just go right into the cleanse.  i had already been eating well since new year's eve, so i considered those few days an ALMOST-elimination diet.

DAY 1 -- breakfast: smoothie (protein, fiber, water, almond milk, spinach, kale, berries & pineapple) shot of brown rice protien powder (mixed in 4 oz water) lunch: roasted chicken & quinoa salad dinner: organic split pea soup (kind of gross)

i start each morning with a glass of water and probiotics. then i have a cup of green tea. i wait an hour or so before having my smoothie. i gagged like crazy on the protein powder, to the point that i had tears strolling down my cheeks. i already had tried the rice protein powder in my smoothie the day before and it was terrible. sooo...my rice protein powder was dumped in the trash. and i've switched to whey for now. i also purchased the program's nourish powder and will see how that compares.

i was pretty hungry the first day and basically thought about food all day. i climbed 42 flights of stairs (training for this). although i don't think i'm going to do that again until i'm through a full week of the cleanse. my calves still hurt three days later.

my biggest complaints on day one were that i had this weird cotton mouth feeling all day, even though i was very well hydrated and i had the most raging, killer headache at night. i laid on the couch at 6:30 PM and never got back up, until i went to bed at 9:30 PM.

DAY 2 -- breakfast: smoothie (protein, fiber, water, almond milk, spinach, kale, berries & pineapple) snack: carrots & homemade hummus lunch: applegate chicken sausage, a few bites of quinoa & 1/2 lara bar snack: 1/2 lara bar dinner: smoothie (protein, fiber, water, almond butter, kale, berries & pineapple)

day two went pretty well. i was less hungry and no raging headache. my head did nag a bit at one point but no big deal. the toughest part of the day was when my family had pizza and i had my smoothie. went to bed at 10:30. overall, a pretty good, satisfying, not too hungry kind of day.

DAY 3 -- breakfast: smoothie (protein, fiber, water, almond milk, spinach, kale, berries, mango & pineapple) snack: carrots with hummus lunch: smoothie (protein, fiber, water, spinach, berries) snack: some fresh pineapple & a bit of guacamole with brown rice chips (skyler said the chips taste like paper) dinner: chicken burger, avocado & onions on a bed of lettuce and spinach with homemade salad dressing (dijon, oil, vinegar, lemon)

i've decided that i'm going to eat a couple dinners with my family every week.  so i did liquid for breakfast and lunch and burgers with my family for dinner. :-)  my back bothered me all day -- kind of aching, kind of hurting.  by the end of the night, my back was killing me along with another headache. i'm assuming it's all part of my body working to detox all the crap out.

all in all, the first few days were a wee bit painful. i had the cotton mouth, headache, backache and felt a bit sluggish and cloudy-headed. but today, the beginning of day four, i'm feeling pretty good. i feel less fluffy-puffy already and that feels awesome. no ailments at the moment, but i KNOW that could easily change throughout the day. the thing that bothers me the most is that my thoughts are always on food. normally, i never think about food. i eat when i'm hungry and that's it. i'm not usually a bad eater except during the holidays, when i get into the cakes, pies & cookies. also, it's not easy to prepare my daily meals separately from the rest of the family's meals. it takes a lot of time, thought, commitment and will-power (as i smell donuts, coffee, pizza, etc. that my family is eating).

to read why i'm doing the cleanse or simply learn a bit more about the clean program, check out my blog post HERE.

need to reset

i've been eating like shit. i haven't worked out in months. i've been drinking way too much (coffee & beer). i've haven't been very positive about things (especially about living in tampa). i'm fluffy-puffy -- just all around YUCK! i need to reset. i need to cleanse. i need to detox. i need to rejuvenate.

and that's exactly what i'm going to do.

i'm starting the clean program -- a 21-day cleanse, designed by cardiologist, dr junger. the basic premise of the clean program is that give the right conditions, your body has the ability to heal itself and achieve optimal health.  dr junger shares that many of the symptoms we suffer from (headaches, fatigue, weight gain, negativity, etc.) are caused by toxin build-up, which is readily accumulated throughout our everyday lives.  the clean program allows your body to reactivate your detoxification system, supports the detox process nutritionally and enhances elimination. there's also a lot of basic questions answered here.

i just finished reading the clean book and i have to say, i loved it. i have always believed in functional medicine and that's what dr junger is all about (a mix of eastern and western medicine).

today, i'm starting a 3-day elimination diet (strict diet of three meals of approved foods from this list, on page 8. and yes, i know...the forbidden food list is crazy.) then i will start the 21-day cleanse, which will consist of a liquid meal (shake, juice or soup) for breakfast and dinner and a regular meal (made from the approved foods list) for dinner. there's a whole bunch of recipes here and they really don't seem too bad. and i can snack when i'm hungry.

there's also supplements to take while doing the cleanse. dr junger's program charges $250-425 but you can also buy your own substitutive supplements, which is what i did (see below).

i'm hoping to get back to regularly working out too.  i'm starting to stair-train today, which should prove interesting since i'm so out of shape right now.  my goal is to eventually get back to crossfitting, which i haven't done since september. and i'd love to try yoga and incorporate it into my weekly routine.

as i was reading dr junger's book, i reminisced about how amazing i felt when i was crossfitting and eating a paleo(ish) diet. at the time, i was also getting lots of compliments on my skin. i always attributed this to the the exercise, but now i truly believe it was just as much my diet, as it was the exercise.

i know there's the skeptics, naysayers, cleanse-haters out there but i'm ready and excited for this -- a mind, body and soul reset. this cleanse just seems to make sense to me. my husband supports me. and i also plan to talk to my kids about what i'm doing, why i'm doing it, etc.

here's my BASIC CLEANSE PLAN -- days 1 - 3: elimination diet | three meals each day from approved food list

days 4 - 25: first thing in morning – probiotic with every meal – digest gold two hours after meals -- candizyme lunch - meal from approved food list put in morning & evening smoothies – brown rice protein, fiber, green vibrance (although i'm doing protein powder shot pre-smoothie because it's so gross) every evening – MVI, milk thistle, garlic tab, mag-citrate, vitamin D before bed – 2 TBS olive oil (not sure i'm going to be able to do this)

here's my PLAN FOR TODAY -- breakfast: shot of brown rice protein water morning shake (almond milk, ice, blueberries, mango, kale + fiber) tea

lunch: quinoa salad with chicken if juicer comes, i will also drink a juice (cucumber, celery, carrots, apple, ginger)

dinner: pea soup and spinach salad with dressing (oil, vinegar, dijon), onion, avocado & almonds

snacks, when needed: almonds, apple with almond butter & carrots with hummus

i want to note that i am NOT doing this cleanse to lose weight. yes, i'm a bit puffy-fluffy, but that has nothing to do with my current weight.

i'll keep you posted on how things go and how i feel. i'm hoping to last the full 21 days but we'll see how things go. right now, i'm afraid of the headaches and potential detox symptoms i've read about but from what i've heard, the outcome is amazing. if you are considering this cleanse, i highly recommend starting with the book. and of course, if any doubts or questions, check with your doctor before starting.

ETA: the brown rice protein powder shot (in a bit of water) was even more gross. i gagged like crazy, to the point that tears were strolling down my face. don't think i'll be doing that again.

what ____ looks like | month five [part II]

every christmas break, we head to oma and opa's in nevada. they live in an awesome house in carson city, amongst the beauty of the sierra nevadas. we're always hopeful for a white christmas. this year was anything but. when we arrived, it was freezing, hitting the single digits at night. by the time we left, they were having record-breaking temperatures in the 60's. and i think they also made a new no-snow record. but, we had such an awesome time there as we always do. so here's a bit more of what our 10 days, with family in nevada, looks like...

seeing lots of deer.

tons of tree climbing.

sometimes sky climbed too high and needed her uncle's help getting down.

i can't get enough of sky's dirty rolled up pants.

the older cousins, having some time away together.

meeting and playing with new friends. ryder's the only boy cousin, so it's nice that he got to meet a couple boys, from the neighborhood.

the hill, where they spend hours playing.

quite the duo.

the life of the party.

going on a hike.

it took linus a few days to recover from the hike, but i think he had fun.

someone turned seevn and  had a bowling birthday party. we had a blast and definitely plan on bowling as a family more often.

we celebrated his birthday (on his birthday) at home too.

siblings (minus wendy and thomas, who couldn't make it this year).

all of us. i promise oma a group photo every year.

i love that my kids have this time at oma and opa's every year -- time to run, play, explore, climb, hike, camp. and i love it that they're now old enough to spend a few weeks there in the summer too. so many joyful memories being made.

what ____ looks like | month five

i'm a bit short on words with this post because we just returned from our nevada vacation. we arrived home on the 31st, picked up charley and headed right back out -- to our friend's house for a new year's eve celebration together.  we spent the night, returning to our house yesterday afternoon.  then it was unpacking, grocery shopping, working on the yard, mail opening, uploading and editing photos, etc. so much to do but i'm ready for things to get back to normal. i'm also ready to get my butt back into shape (ugh!). so... here’s a bit of what 10 days, with family in nevada, looks like...

putting the finishing touches on oma and opa's really tall christmas tree, with the help of uncle joe.

opa sharing photo memories on the laptop, from last summer's visit (all the cousins stayed at oma and opa's together, for three weeks).

dogs, dogs and more dogs. my kids so love them.

there's also lots of games. uncle dan helping ryder with the polar bear puzzle.

ryder and daddy playing battleship together.

and cousins working on the 1000-piece puzzle.

skyler decided she wanted to climb the house's rock wall.

and then the other rock wall.

and finally the rock walls in one of the casinos in reno.

along with walking a tight rope.

ryder played lots of soccer with his uncles.

and with the dogs. sometimes we had to put izzy back in the house because she would actually stop the ball.

skyler finding a new way to sit on the kitchen chairs.

the cousins (minus one) -- ages 7, 8, 8, 9, 10 and 14. kiele spent most of the vacation at her dad's in CA; she joined us on the 28th.

having fun with tires.

our elf found a new friend mixed in with oma's christmas ornaments. even though oma's elf wasn't "real", sky sat him with our elf, joy.

always so much food at oma and opa's. there's something sitting out at all times of the day. and lots of eating, i did.

oma reading the littles 'twas the night before christmas' right before bed, christmas eve.

more tomorrow. :-))

there’s a group of 12 of us participating in this what ____ looks like monthly project.  i hope you’ll check them all out [clicking link to link]. next up… stephanie moore | tucson senior photographer.

i'm ready for you

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

thank you 2011, for all you blessed me with...

i'm ready for you 2012; can't wait to see what you have in store.  and here's to living every day to the MAX...

happy holidays!

wishing you a wonderful christmas holiday and a safe, happy, healthy and exciting new year!!

and how amazing is this christmas painting of my three kids.  done by my dear friend -- the uber-talented erin darcy.  i will treasure it forever!! you can see and purchase her paintings and prints HERE.

mwah!!

family favs | 2011

sharing some favorites of my kids from this past year.  my goal was to narrow it down to 20 images; however, i didn't quite make it.  28 images | 35 photographs...

one of the best changes i made with my photography in 2011 was to take more everyday photos of my kids.  i plan on doing even better in 2012.

do you remember?

the above is not my photo.  i wish it was. i actually wish it was a photo of me with one of my babies. but it's not; it is a photo taken by my dear friend, steph [lifeography].  she facebooked the photo today, with the title -- do you remember holding your babies this way?

the sad thing is...i don't remember. well i do remember if i try really, really hard, but i want more. i want the photos, to remind me. i want the photos, to take me back to that magical place that i'll never physically go to again. sadly, i don't have that many photos from when sky and ryder were babies. especially photos that included me with them.

and sadly, i have NO video of my children or family. and THAT pains me so deeply. one of my goals for 2012 is to learn video AND to have my own family captured on video. i'm determined to capture my children more on video, even if it's iphone video.  the absolute best camera is the one you have with you, right?!!

it's that time of year

...to finish and upload my family's annual book. makes me teary as i look through our family photos from this past year and put together our book. and i so love that my kids look through the books over and over again, giggling as they flip through the previous years' books.  they just happened to be flipping through the books today -- showing me all the pages that bring back memories or simply make them laugh. :-) mmmm...i treasure these books more than i can even express. worth every bit of time it takes to make them!! not to mention, they make fabulous christmas gifts too.

here's this year's layout...

[larger version HERE]

and here's a few of my favorite page spreads...

makes my heart so very happy!!!

retouching | what is too much?

my earlier blog post regarding redbook's faith hill [2007] cover photo seems to have gotten quite a bit of attention -- both positive and negative.  while i really do appreciate all comments, i feel it necessary to clarify and expand upon a few things... first, my parenting was questioned in a comment. and while you can attack almost anything about me, please don't question my parenting abilities [or my children] because you don't know anything about either. no, i DON'T let my kids read redbook or any similar type of magazine; however, they DO see these types of magazines every time we go to the grocery store. or maybe they're on the table at a friend's house. magazine covers can be seen all over the place. and it doesn't take my 8-year-old very long to read the messages on those magazine covers. i work very hard to actively parent and educate my children -- to the best of my ability -- which happens to include such concepts as self-esteem, confidence, health, inner beauty, etc.

regarding retouching...i do touch up people. i push love handles. i slim women's arms. i soften wrinkles. i lessen double chins. i'm absolutely NOT against retouching. but i do so within limits. i do so within reason. and i think that's really my point with faith hill's cover photo -- they went to excess. they gave her the arm and waist of a 10-year-old. is it really necessary to go to those extremes? is it necessary to make jada P's skin lighter, as someone commented? i guess every artist [or editor] has their own take on what is considered within reason. and i guess ultimately, as a fellow artist, i should respect that. but it doesn't mean i can't be bummed out that so many of our magazines are showing women, whose bodies and looks are absolutely unattainable.

why am i so sensitive about all of this?  because i am a woman who has greatly struggled with self-esteem over the years, especially as a teenager. and so yes, maybe that makes me a bit more sensitive to the messages that our magazines are sending to women, to men, to our children.

as a teenager and young adult, i very secretly suffered from both bulemia and anorexia [at varying times]. i wanted to look like the women i saw in these magazines. i wanted a tiny waist and big boobs. i had photos plastered all over my closet door -- longing to be thin and beautiful and sexy, like the women i saw featured in these magazines over and over again.

i'm not sure where i'm really going with all of this. and i'm not saying my opinion is the right opinion. but i do feel that media impacts our society more than many even begin to realize.

curious as to what others think about how much retouching, tweaking, liquifying, etc. is too much, i decided to pose the question on facebook.  here's a few of the responses [selected at random]:

i try not to unless a client requests it. Sometimes there's just a little something that is distracting so i'll clean it up. or for Boudoir shots, I'll do more retouching. But if i have it my way, i do none to minimal. i don't have a problem with retouching...it is a personal preference...but you can look at a photograph and see over-smoothed skin and over-processed eyes and it makes the person look all creepy..and i think most people, if they are being completely honest and objective, would agree that there is a 'too far' line and when it's crossed, it's really obvious.

I think that is the beauty of being an artist, deciding how you want to finish our canvas. For some the natural speaks to them and for others they love the heavy photo shopping. Clients are not forced to hire us, they hire us because they like our style. That's why it's great there is so much diversity so we can all choose what makes us happy. The second someone tells me what I should be doing, takes away the whole idea of being an artist!

I guess it's up to each of us as artists and to balance that with what our clients are expecting (if we're talking about portraits). But, my personal feeling is that I want to show true beauty and real folks in my work, not what I deem a 'perfected' version of them. I am not against PS for blemishes and such (things that aren't always there anyway), it's just not my thing to make people look different than they would in real life. But, to each their own...

Unless its a photo manipulation to create surreal things but with photography I do very little editing too unless you ask me to do a lot of editing but I like models to look natural if you use photoshop do use it to where you can't noticed its been use people over use the tools

what ____ looks like | month four

another crazy month. come and gone. i'm not really sure where it even went. but thank goodness i have some pictures to remind me. here’s a bit of what november in tampa, florida looks like [kind of crazy to still be catching butterflies, swimming, wearing shuts and running around barefoot]…

finding and holding a butterfly, in our front yard.

ALWAYS dirty, dirty feet. kids play outside barefoot every day.

one of skyler's gifts to me. they usually end up on my inspiration board. that's where she likes them.

yep, this is how i found them one day.

the barn nursery. sky loved holding the piglet until the barn dog became interested. then she got too nervous.

we so love seeing the new additions. these were the new ducks, who are now pretty big. last time we were there, they were in the geese pen and the geese were crazy protective over them [and loud]. we're waiting on baby bunnies to be born. any day now.

more new barn friends. with each visit, we always seem to find new friends.

the deer were so timid when the barn first got them and now they love to be pet.

this guy scares me. i finally was able to take a picture of him, but not without hissing at us.

sometimes i like to explore the other areas of the barn with the kids. sometimes they don't.

the only place ryder wanted to take flat stanley was...under water.

location scouting for my editorial shoots.

playing on a tire swing. sky was doing all kinds of tricks. she's pretty fearless.

sky also seems to sit on the couch every way except how she's supposed to.

ummm...homework and TV.

there’s a group of 12 of us participating in this what ____ looks like monthly project.  i hope you’ll check them all out [clicking link to link]. next up... stephanie moore | tucson senior photographer.

so thankful

being military and living wherever the military sends us, we rarely are surrounded by family during the thanksgiving holiday. i actually can't remember the last time i saw family at thanksgiving [probably in my 20s]. but we almost always have invitations from friends [often our military family] on thanksgiving day. this year was no different -- loving friends opening their hearts and homes to us, for thanksgiving dinner. BUT we declined those invitations because we thought we were going to spend the day at disney world.  UNTIL we learned that even thanksgiving day itself is one of the busiest days of the year at disney. so very last minute, we decided to do a simple thanksgiving late-lunch [turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, stuffing, strawberry jello salad and pumpkin pie] at home, followed by a movie [hugo to be exact]. we are so blessed and fortunate. and i am so thankful...

for every little bit i've been blessed with.

wishing you all a very happy thanksgiving -- surrounded by and doing whatever you love and choose to do on this day of celebration and gratitude.

thank YOU! xo

your voice

let's be honest... i had a rough couple of weeks. beyond my husband being gone, a bathroom renovation that is going anything but smoothly, and a re-roofing that left me saying "i really just hate that" [although they are fixing it]...my photography journey had me in tears [more times than once].

wondering... where i'm at. where i'm going. just trying to make sense of it all. of anything really.

but it's like trying to make sense of things in the midst of a tornado.  the eye -- the center of the storm -- is there. you know it. but you can't get there. you can't even see it. you can't get to that bit of clarity...that bit that makes sense. it's all just swirling. that's how things have been and felt lately.

but today, my friend sent this to me, prefaced by...

saw this today and thought about you.

don't dilute your inner voice by soliciting the opinions of others, heeding them over its counsel. why ask mere mortals for advice when you're guided by sacred wisdom? treasure your sixth sense. treat it like gold. wear it close to your heart, and don't allow anyone to rob you of its power. -sonia choquette

can't even begin to share how much this quote speaks to me. so much about this photography journey is trusting yourself. allowing yourself to just be. and learn. and grow. but trusting, and listening to that inner wisdom, along the way. and not being influenced by the craziness that surrounds you. and well, there's a lot of craziness going on in this industry right now.

with that being said, another wise, inspirational friend emailed me last week and shared how i need to just be patient. there's so much i still don't know. i'm still not educated on. instead of focusing on what isn't happening at this moment, i need to embrace and be grateful for what IS happening.  words of wisdom from someone who has been there and done that.