the purpose of life is not to be happy...it is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and living well. - ralph waldo emerson
but coming across a happy trash can, while on a fabulous vacation, sure doesn't hurt...
and me shooting the happy trash can, in my classic squatting-not-so-attractive stance...
photo courtesy of emily corey
...while we were on our mini-vacation in south carolina? happy birthday sweet skyler!!!
thank you for being you thank you for being so unique and wonderful you are wise and soulful beyond your years you challenge me in the best ways and keep me on my toes you are smart and witty you want to wear makeup and high heels all the time you are an artist and a writer you are learning the joy of reading you requested ramen noodles for your birthday dinner a homemade vanilla birthday cake with no frosting and homemade mint chocolate chip ice cream you never really know what you want for your birthday because you're content with your stuffed and hard animal toys but this year you asked for cracked nail polish, makeup and dresses with sleeves (so that you can wear them to school).
i am amazed by you and all that you are.
thank you for coming into my life.
i know your birthday was the worst birthday ever because it was spent in a car for eight hours driving home, but i hope that i can make it up to you with the best sleepover birthday party ever.
happy birthday skyler! i really can't believe you're eight!!
that's how i feel right now. i guess that's kind of how i've been feeling for quite a while, when it comes to catching up -- my house is never clean these days, more to edit, workshop to keep up with, orders to complete, and the list goes on and on. and while this might seem like i'm complaining, i'm so NOT!! i'm grateful to have all these things in my life. the cat-and-mouse game is just part of my norm. and i try and keep a detailed to-do list to manage this norm.
speaking of the workshop (via the bloom forum), it's going amazing. i'm loving every single minute of it. and feel it's exactly where i'm meant to be right now -- sharing and teaching. leah and i have also begun discussing our 2012 wallflower retreat dates and location. and we'll be talking much more at the NAPCP retreat, where we are so thrilled to be speaking, next month. lots of excited things ahead!!
i am driving to charleston, south carolina today, for a mini vacation. the littles and i are meeting a friend there, with her little girl. we're staying right on the beach. i so can't wait to just hang out and chill for a few days. i anticipate lots of fun, laughter, inspiration and great conversations, along with some shooting. :-)) but yes, we will have to do some work, while there too.
lastly, kiele is at a deaf / hard-of-hearing camp (such an incredible opportunity) this week, next week she visits a friend and then she goes with her dad for six weeks. so we won't be back to the horse farm until august. the barn cat will be there when we get back, but these kittens won't. my kids love these kittens so much. they will really be missed when we return.
it's awesome though, to see the week-to-week changes at the barn (beyond the kittens growing up). this past week... baby mice were born (still pink and only twitching) the geese eggs still haven't hatched (i would have attempted a photo but one goose was loose and very protective of his eggs; he chased me when i got remotely close). the baby ducks are now big ducks. we also seem to find a dead animal almost every time we're there; this time it was a bunny. but my kids have learned that when you have that many animals on a farm, it's part of the circle-of-life.
we love the farm!!
the baby mice...
and a 14-year-old dog for good measure, from my most recent family session...
HAPPY SATURDAY!!
it all started when i posted this image a few weeks ago.
and now...... henri cartier-bresson keeps popping into my life. i can't help but think that the universe is sending me a message. and i'm listening!!!
HENRI CARTIER-BRESSON - Decisive Moment, The from bt465 on Vimeo.
ETA: oh dear, it's so sad that this video is gone. i'm so sorry if you missed it. but i'm so happy i wrote his words that most impacted me.
his work. his thoughts. his words. they take my breath away.
and because i am so in love with his words, i've typed some of them out and posted them to my inspiration board that sits right next to my desk... life is once. forever. good vs mediocre is a question of millimeters...but essential. it's very small moves. sometimes there's no picture and that's alright. a photograph is a story. there's a whole world in it. a photograph that you can look at over and over again...there's not many. the most difficult thing is a portrait. who is it? what is it? you have to be like a cat. and not disturb. a person doesn't react the same way when he's not studied. you see them stripped naked in a photograph. it's an interesting thing having wrinkles. after a certain age, you get the face that you deserve. there's no rule to how many pictures you take. there's lots of great anxiety in this profession. what's going to happen...what, what, what?? you shouldn't over-shoot. it's like over-eating. over-drinking. it's an instinct. you have to be quick, quick, quick, quick. like an animal and it's prey. a question of awareness. photography is a physical pleasure. it doesn't take much brains. it takes sensitivity, a finger and two legs. i never think. i act quick. you have to forget yourself. and be yourself at the same time. an image becomes much stronger -- what you want. what you see. it's about not thinking. don't try to push a point...explain something or prove something. you don't prove anything. it comes by itself. first impression is essential -- the intillectual experiences...fully enriching. photography is the essence of everything -- the spark between two elements. you can't look for it. it's like looking for inspiration. it comes by enriching yourself and living. it comes naturally. it's seldom you make a great picture. there's no new ideas in the world. there's only new arrangement of things. it means re-examining. you can't just photograph everything you see. there's some places where the pulse beats more. anyone can do 10 great photographs. keep on, on, on. what is interesting is consistency. it's always re-examining things, trying to be more lucid and free-er and go deeper and deeper the camera is a weapon. you can't prove anything but at the same time it is a weapon. photography is a way of shouting the way you feel. it can be a machine gun. a warm kiss. a sketch book. ...the camera. i enjoy shooting a picture. being present. photography is like that...yes, yes, yes. there's no maybes. the maybes should go in the trash. it's an enjoyment. an affirmation.
home from second-shooting a wedding over the past couple days. trying to catch up on things. and saw this on my dear friend, steph beaty's (lifeography's) blog. originally made for graphic design but so applicable to photography. thanks for sharing steph!! love it...
so you think you can dancedo you watch it?
if not, i highly recommend giving it a chance. this summer's season is just getting started. i absolutely love the show!!
it's about passion, dedication, determination, hard work, inspiration. it's the dancers. and the choreographers. that makes the show so awesome.
i get chills. i get inspired. i'm sometimes brought to tears.
they are artists doing what they love and are so passionate about. and it inspires me in so many ways.
this routine is probably my absolute favorite...
but i pretty much love every routine mia michaels choreographs...
...came and wentway too fast. although i'm thinking the summer a busy one might fly by that much faster. and as i think hope pray believe for a couple treasured friends currently battling cancer i'm ever-so-grateful for every single minute of may and every day!!
a bit of our everyday may...
and because i was traveling on memorial day, let us never forget those military members and their families, who gave the ultimate sacrifice.
yes, if it wasn't for the kitty litter, i think i would steal this barn cat. or at least take one of her kittens. this momma is the absolute sweetest cat i have ever met (and i grew up around cats my entire childhood). my kids love this barn cat and her kittens so much. it's exciting to go to the horse farm every week and see momma cat and how much the kittens have grown (although we missed this past wednesday because kiele had a late 8th grade field trip).
seriously love this cat.
and her kittens.
can't wait till next wednesday. the kittens are going to be so big.
i received this awesome quote in my email yesterday. couldn't help but share it. what I want to say is that the past is the past, and the present is what your life is, and you are capable of choosing what that will be…
so come to the pond, or the river of your imagination, or the harbor of your longing, and put your lips to the world.
and live your life. - mary oliver
katelyn had contacted me a while back about doing photos of she and her husband. and then she saw i was coming to utah. so she packed up for the weekend, did the six-hour drive, from colorado to utah, and met me there. katelyn's husband couldn't get away but i was able to photograph the beautiful katelyn. my hope was that i could show her in photographs the beauty, strength and peace that we all see in her in person.
and today, i received this beautiful note from katelyn...
I am writing you with tears of happiness and hope streaming down my face. I find myself sneaking looks at my computer throughout the day just to look at the incredible images you captured of me in Utah. It almost feels as if I am looking at someone who is not me- ALMOST. The person in these images looks so at peace... and strong. Two words I never thought could describe be.
For a large chunk of my life I was so concerned with what other people thought about me that I didn't think of myself and the actions I took were based on what I thought others would approve of. I felt I needed to look/dress/act/think a certain way in order to be liked. In trying to be like everyone else and fit this societal mold- I lost myself.
I've always had this idea of who I was but I was too afraid to let it show. It has only been within this last year that I have begun to figure out who I really am. In the past few months I have done so many of the things I've always wanted to do and I'm finally becoming Katelyn. I am on this beautiful journey toward being comfortable in my own skin and knowing that I am enough.
This is such a momentous time in my life and I'm so excited to have “proof” that I am content with being me.
I feel like there is no expression of gratitude that could even come close to letting you know how truly grateful I am for these images. Thank you for helping me to let go of fear and thank you, a thousand times over, for making me beautiful in my own eyes.
my wish is that every woman can make this peace with themselves. to see their own beauty and strength. to be content in their own skin...with who they are and all they have to offer. and always remember that each one of us is absolutely... beautiful and special and unique!
the entire weekend in utah was incredible. and powerful. the land is absolutely majestic. the company was oh-so-inspiring. and hilarious (i haven't laughed as hard as i did that weekend, in a really long time). thank you girls for a magical weekend!! can't wait till the next time.
+++
also, please don't forget that my mini-workshop registration opens tomorrow at 9 AM CST on the bloom forum. you must be a bloom forum member to participate in the workshop. to register for the bloom forum or for additional information, please click the bloom logo below...
i'm super excited to share that i'll be holding an online mini-workshop on the bloom forum -- june 3rd through june 17th. this workshop is for bloom forum members only, so if you're interested in participating in this workshop, be sure to become a bloom forum member prior to workshop registration day (this tuesday, may 24th). to register for the bloom forum or for additional information, please click the bloom logo below...
i'm super excited about this opportunity to teach and share. hope to see you there!!
dear 16-year-old me...i'm proud of you. keep doing what you're doing. don't give in to peer pressure. and...watch this. (actually EVERYONE watch this!!)
at age 16, i tanned on my house roof, laying on a silver mat, to attract as much sun as possible. and sometimes i added baby oil to the mix. often, i tanned until i blistered.
in my 20s, my cousin was diagnosed with melanoma on his chest. major, massive surgery. he lived. and thankfully continues to do well today. but, you're never totally cured from melanoma.
as a nurse, melanoma scared the shit out of me.
today, i'm 41. i avoid the sun and use sunscreen. tampa is brutal; the sun here is vicious. i also get skin cancer checks every year by my dermatologist.
wish i never laid out in the sun like i did. wish i saw this video when i was 16. hoping to spread the word.
dear 16 year old me...
you really shouldn't have followed the poofy hair trend; it wasn't very flattering on you.
...or the sunglasses fad.
rosie, you ARE a young genius. sorry i missed you in utah. next time, for sure. thanks for the share. xo.
goodness, i love this video.such a wonderful message. and because i'm PMSing, i'm all teary about it.
thanks for the share carolee.
people come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime.when you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. - author unknown
the J family definitely came into my life for a reason, season AND a lifetime!!
after kiele was born, i had to go back to work (as an air force nurse) when kiele was six weeks old. i started her at a facility day care and after many days of tears, frustration and heartache, a friend had recommended me to the J family, an in-home daycare -- more specifically momma carmen (as kiele came to call her).
kiele was a difficult sleeper and eater. but that was no challenge to momma carmen, who made a Philippine-style hammock in one of her bedrooms, rocked her to sleep and chased kiele around with food.
momma carmen was such a gift in my life!! i'm not sure i can ever fully explain or thank her enough.
that was 14 years ago. and now momma carmen's daughter (who i met when she was 12) is married with two kids and just happens to live in san diego. so when i was on my trip last month, i was able to photograph momma carmen's daughter and her family.
i can't even begin to share how much i love the J family. they are such a gift in my life and i feel so blessed to call them my family!! love and miss you so!!
i almost forgot, i just happened upon this photo of M and kiele the other day (from 11 years ago)...
it's done. it went amazing!! i'm home wanting to scream to other parents how important it is to do your research, know your stuff, be organized and be prepared!! advocate, advocate, advocate!! it definitely paid off today.
last night, i was pretty spun up and decided to waste the night away watching mindless TV instead of spinning my wheels any further doing individualized education program (IEP) prep. so i woke up at 5:30 AM, which gave me about two hours to continue my research and preparation (although i already have two large binders and three ziploc bags of supporting documents and laws gathered over the 11 years of previous IEP prep).
some key tips -- it was HUGE to have the IEP draft in advance. i was able to read and understand the IEP and then write my notes and thoughts directly onto the draft. this was especially important because i wasn't that familiar with the florida IEP outline.
i've been trying to add a communication | socialization goal for kiele for a long time now and so this time, i researched and wrote a goal and objectives that i could present to the team. i also had rehearsed how i was going to introduce the need. while there was some resistance and other suggestions by a couple members of the team at first, i just kept sharing that i wasn't comfortable with this or that...and finally they agreed to make a separate goal.
kiele is going into high school next year and it made no sense to me that a high school representative would not be present at the IEP meeting. i shared with the case manager that if she could not find a rep that could attend and speak on behalf of the school, we would have to reschedule the meeting for another day. i'm SO GRATEFUL that i did that because i met the most amazing person, who gets it and was instrumental in today's IEP success!! and i now have an awesome contact at the high school (exactly what i needed), who also gave me a number of other important contact names and email addresses.
when your child is old enough, let her attend the IEP meetings. kiele discussed problems and issues she had throughout the year, which resulted in three additional items being added to the IEP. it also alerted the high school rep (and myself) to things she should pay special attention to next year.
i hope this information will help someone out there. parents who have been there and done that have so much to offer and share with others. you are NOT alone!! one day, i hope to share on a greater level (national conference) but for now, my blog will have to do. if you know of anyone that might benefit from my IEP thoughts, please forward this to them.
as always, feel free to post questions in the comment section and i'll be happy to answer.
i close with this, because this is how i feel at this moment.
or maybe this because i'm so giddy with relief, i almost feel like i could go outside and do a cartwheel right now.
there, i publicly said it. and having to do them in five different states and nine different schools sucks that much more. sorry for my frankness here but i think most parents, who have gone through the process, would agree that individual education plans (IEPs) just plain 'ole suck. if you don't know what an IEP is, consider yourself lucky!! i wonder...do educators understand the anxiety that an IEP produces for parents? i mean REALLY understand? maybe only those few, who happen to have a child, with a disability, themselves. i get teary just thinking about the IEP, let alone sitting at the table...as, what's suppose to be, an equal team member.
i have made myself about crazy as i prepare for kiele's IEP tomorrow morning. i sit here...cautiously optimistic and then that other side creeps in and says, they're going to fuck with you. be prepared -- and then i begin to freak out. yes, i've done a great job thus far. i know that. but i have three years left. and i can't let anything get screwed up. kiele's come too far. and she's doing too amazing. i've simply done what i was supposed to do and must continue to do so until she is ready to advocate for herself (and hopefully by that time, i will have taught her well).
it's just so HARD.
my advice to mommas of children with disabilities or needs, who are dealing with the special education system... know your stuff. and the laws. research. research. and more research. find other parents with children with a similar disability... kiele absolutely would not be where she is today without the knowledge and insight i gained from other parents. there can be a wealth of information in organizations and forums (check them out). stay strong. know that only YOU will truly advocate for your child... and that you know your child best. fight for what's appropriate (and know the buzz words). find that one person within the educational system who is on your side... who is willing to fight the system and risk their career if it's the right (or shall i say appropriate) thing to do. listen to others but know that your child's situation is absolutely unique.
years ago, i thought that i would pursue a career in special ed advocacy. who knows...i still might. along with photography, it's something that i'm deeply passionate about.
thank you maura and diane. the two of you taught me everything i know and created the advocacy monster that i am today. love you both dearly!!
as i go into my 11th IEP meeting, i can't help but reminisce...
shortly after kiele was diagnosed with a progressive hearing impairment (age 3 | may 2000)
kiele's cochlear implant surgery, post-op day two (age 6 | sep 2003)
her treasures. an image from when i first started photography (age 9 | 2006)
on her birthday (age 14 | couple weeks ago)
wow, this film seems so incredible!! two filmmakers followed alec soth over a two-year period as he worked on his 'broken manual' project. chills just watching the trailer.
Trailer 'Somewhere To Disappear' from Arnaud Uyttenhove on Vimeo.
i have no idea when or where the film is going to show, but i can't wait to see it when it does.
please take some time to view alec sloth's work. it's so powerful and awesome and genuine and intimate and raw and just wow!! seeing work like this always makes me realize how very much learning and growing i have yet to do as a photographer.
a couple shots i love, from alec's broken manual project...
i feel the gleamingyellow sun shining on me as i gaze at the giant, shining blue sea. people on white and blue jet skis. i wish that was me. it would be fun if we were on the water with our grandfather. yay! yay! come on the boat today with me. - skyler, age seven
ummm. yea. i just happened to come across this poem in the pile of papers sky brought home from school yesterday. i have to be honest, typically i zip through her papers and then add the pile to the recycle bin. but i saw the lined piece of paper with oddly broken up words and began to read...and paused. and read again.
sky couldn't have written that poem, i thought, and placed the paper on the kitchen table, where i knew i'd remember to ask her about it in the morning.
yes, she could!
she shared with me that they were to write a descriptive poem, in class. i asked,
your teacher gave you the words to use, right? no. your teacher told you exactly what to write. no. you just wrote this? yes. where did you come up with the idea? i just did. how do you know the word 'gleaming'? i just do. you wrote the poem all my yourself. mmm hmm.
and that's as far as the conversation got. i tried to get a title out of her, but she shyly looked at me and said,
i don't know. we didn't have to write a title.
i guess i'll settle with that because i'm simply just in love with her untitled poem. i have this dream of combining my kids poetry with my photography. one of these days i'll make that dream a reality.
most people don't know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable and fall asleep and miss your life. - storypeople
just returned from the most amazing, magical weekend in park city, utah. the kind of weekend where you laugh so hard, you cry. the kind of weekend that feeds your soul more than you could have imagined. the kind of weekend where you can hardly believe the amount of beauty that surrounds you. the kind of weekend where all you keep thinking about is how incredibly blessed and lucky you are!!
and i'm so not exaggerating!! now...it's back to editing. through the wee hours of the night. for many, many, many days ahead. more to come but have some serious catching up to do first!
also, super excited that travel sessions are filling up, for september -- san diego, NY and chicago. please make sure to inquire soon, if interested.
i think pretty much everyone has now heard of vivian maier. but have you seen the new vivian maier site? i swear i could look at her work all day. and night. it's mind blowing how talented she was. and even more mind blowing how she shot for nothing more than herself and her love for shooting. goodness...her eye. her composition. her timing. so much talent!!
i really would love to own any one of her prints but here's a few of my favorites from her new site.
i've seen this one before, but man, i love it so much!!
and this self portrait. OMG!!!
i can't wait to get her book and watch her documentary (i donated to her project long ago on kickstarter and have both coming my way once they're done). and one day...i will make it to one of her exhibitions.
