if it wasn't for the kitty litter

yes, if it wasn't for the kitty litter, i think i would steal this barn cat.  or at least take one of her kittens.  this momma is the absolute sweetest cat i have ever met (and i grew up around cats my entire childhood).  my kids love this barn cat and her kittens so much.  it's exciting to go to the horse farm every week and see momma cat and how much the kittens have grown (although we missed this past wednesday because kiele had a late 8th grade field trip). seriously love this cat. and her kittens.

can't wait till next wednesday. the kittens are going to be so big.

sky and the sea

i feel the gleamingyellow sun shining on me as i gaze at the giant, shining blue sea. people on white and blue jet skis. i wish that was me. it would be fun if we were on the water with our grandfather. yay! yay! come on the boat today with me. - skyler, age seven

ummm. yea. i just happened to come across this poem in the pile of papers sky brought home from school yesterday. i have to be honest, typically i zip through her papers and then add the pile to the recycle bin. but i saw the lined piece of paper with oddly broken up words and began to read...and paused. and read again.

sky couldn't have written that poem, i thought, and placed the paper on the kitchen table, where i knew i'd remember to ask her about it in the morning.

yes, she could!

she shared with me that they were to write a descriptive poem, in class. i asked,

your teacher gave you the words to use, right? no. your teacher told you exactly what to write. no. you just wrote this? yes. where did you come up with the idea? i just did. how do you know the word 'gleaming'? i just do. you wrote the poem all my yourself. mmm hmm.

and that's as far as the conversation got. i tried to get a title out of her, but she shyly looked at me and said,

i don't know. we didn't have to write a title.

i guess i'll settle with that because i'm simply just in love with her untitled poem.  i have this dream of combining my kids poetry with my photography. one of these days i'll make that dream a reality.

more than the sun...

today, the kindergarten classes had a mother's day celebration -- muffins for moms.  when we arrived in the classroom, the moms walked around the room to find their place, based on locating the drawing their child made of them.  then we were all served muffins and juice and we received hand made stationary cards as our mother's day gift.  so, so thoughtful and special!! couldn't help but laugh, when i saw ryder's drawing of me.  i think he got everything just perfect.  :-)  and sigh...i love him more than the sun and the moon and the stars.

i'll be away for mother's day but wanted to wish all you mommas out there a fabulous mother's day!!  i'll be in salt lake city, utah for the weekend.  i will miss my family but i'm super excited to do tons of shooting, along with lots of laughter and sharing with friends.

also, here's a couple photos of my family taken by my beautiful friend and amazing photographer, leah, last week.  i am so blessed to call leah one of my best friends and cherish her so!!

if you are unsure about having family photos taken (for whatever reason), please read the perfect time post. i hope it will give you the push to get them done SOON!

a hat, framed and your voice

hats can be short,and hats can be tall. you can wear them to the market, or you can wear them playin' ball.

some people wear their hats to block away the sun. some people wear their hats just because they think it's fun.

the pilgrims, they wore hats, and nurses do too. sombreros are a spanish hat, but that I bet you knew.

hats can be all colors, all shapes and sizes too. like a cowboy hat or a pirates hat in black or white or blue.

magicians use their hats to pull their rabbits from. and a sailor has his hat on when it's home from sea he comes.

there are hats for all occasions and many places too. last night we thought we'd model this hat for you. - author unknown

came across the above poem and couldn't help but share.  reminds me of dr. seuss, which we read nightly in this house and...last night, i asked sky if she'd let me take a few photos of her, to test out my new hat. (the poem will also be a perfect addition for my family's annual book.)  we didn't have a lot of time to shoot last night -- about 15 minutes in between sky and ryder's gymnastic start times and then about 10 minutes when we got home (until we had enough of being attacked by mosquitoes).

photos shot with lensbaby composer | double optic and nikon 50mm f/1.4G

also, i wanted to share this video series i just discovered and am totally diggin' -- [framed] show, by melissa niu. i watched ryan muirhead's [framed] video yesterday and i can't stop thinking about his closing words...

...find your own voice and the only way to do that is by working. you can't read up on it. you can't learn it. you can't absorb it from someone else. but if you're out there shooting constantly -- on good days, on bad days, when you're feeling creative, when you're not...carry a tiny camera with you everywhere you go. if you do that enough, your voice will find you. it's inevitable.

YES... your voice will find you.

thanks ryan for your ongoing inspiration and the reminder to keep shooting...through the good days and the funks!!

being grateful

i love this womani am grateful for this woman and all she shares with us she reminds me what it means to be good and grateful and not-so-serious in this crazy, mixed up world of ours

while in kansas, i started a grateful 365 project. to be completely honest, something went off course and i never finished. and then we moved. and then i was sent really off course. but seeing hailey's video has me longing to start another one. although i'm taking the daily pressure off and simply calling it my 'grateful project'. can't wait to see what comes of it.

how can anyone ever go wrong with a project that reminds them of all they have to be grateful for...each and every day.

hope you enjoy the video...

please don't forget to check out their 365 grateful site -- 365grateful.com

last but not least, here's a few photos from my 2010 (iphone) grateful project...

portraits

such an interesting article, from 2008, on conscientious regarding what makes a great portrait? is it...

an intangible element luck and patience the graphic elements, framing, lines and light what is said about the image maker what is said about the subject images that make a statement vulnerability and awkwardness a feeling and reaction an insight into an inner universe an element of surprise insightful and engaging a meaningful connection an emotional exchange tension in the moment infused with believability mutual trust a raw and honest exchange the capturing of a state of grace something that rarely happens an unanswerable question

these were some of the thoughts (of photographers, bloggers, curators, editors and gallerists) shared on conscientious.

the article has me thinking (a lot) about the portraits i've taken. what i love. what i don't love. what i've been doing. what i haven't been doing. where i hope to go. it also has me thinking about how much growing i have yet to do. i try and remind myself often that it's only been six years and i still have so much to learn, expand upon and explore. and patience...i must simply have patience. and continue to study and work hard.

after i read the article, i spent some time with my accessible work | portraits.  here are some portraits i've taken over the past few years that strongly speak to me for one reason or another...

so, what do YOU think makes a great portrait?

i hope you'll not only take the time to read the article, but also sit with your own work and thoughts for a while.

three

so love that my three still play together like this.  when i edited this picture, from a a couple weeks ago...

i couldn't help but think of this picture, from 2008 (in our backyard, san diego).

and that had me looking through more photos of my three, cherishing these memories i have of them together. makes me weepy, when i think how fast the time has flown and how big my three now are.

feels like i haven't shot in forever. but now that my entire family is done with this week long belly bug, i'm hoping to remedy that soon.

you are significant

You were born a daughter.You looked up to your mother. You looked up to your father. You looked up at everyone. You wanted to be a princess. You thought you were a princess. You wanted to own a horse. You wanted to be a horse. You wanted your brother to be a horse. You wanted to wear pink. You never wanted to wear pink. You wanted to be a Veterinarian. You wanted to be President. You wanted to be the President's Veterinarian. You were picked last for the team. You were the best one on the team. You refused to be on the team. You wanted to be good in algebra. You hid during algebra. You wanted the boys to notice you. You were afraid the boys would notice you. You started to get acne. You started to get breasts. You started to get acne that was bigger than your breasts. You wouldn't wear a bra. You couldn't wait to wear a bra. You couldn't fit into a bra. You didn't like the way you looked. You didn't like the way your parents looked. You didn't want to grow up. You had your first best friend. You had your first date. You had your second best friend. You had your second first date. You spent hours on the telephone. You got kissed. You got to kiss back. You went to the prom. You didn't go to the prom. You went to the prom with the wrong person. You spent hours on the telephone. You fell in love. You fell in love. You fell in love. You lost your best friend. You lost your other best friend. You really fell in love. You became a steady girlfriend. You became a significant other. YOU BECAME SIGNIFICANT TO YOURSELF.

Sooner or later, you start taking yourself seriously. You know when you need a break. You know when you need a rest. You know what to get worked up about and what to get rid of. And you know when it's time to take care of yourself, for yourself. To do something that makes you stronger, faster, more complete.

Because you know it's never too late to have a life. And never too late to change one.

JUST DO IT

- Nike

omg. this has me in tears this morning. the kind of tears that make it hard to breathe. hard to swallow. a lump in my throat, as i read. and re-read.

my friend, tara, shared this nike ad today on facebook. i had never seen it. she said she had it taped to her wall as a teen. today, i will share it with my teen. i will print it for her, with hopes that she will pin it on her inspiration board. with hopes that she will read it and re-read it and embrace the words.

kiele is thirteen. turning fourteen in a month. and as i read the words above, the remaining teen years just flew in front of my eyes. in a blur. i ache knowing that she is growing up so quickly. in a few years, she will be in college. most likely no longer living with us. at the same time, i'm so proud of who she is. the beautiful little lady she has grown to be. i truly couldn't be prouder!!

it took me a long (a VERY long) time to become significant to myself. i hope that i can teach kiele different. i will definitely do my best...to share that she is significant NOW. and will be forever!

thanks tara for sharing. for sharing something so beautiful. that has affected me so deeply.

art is the window

art is the window to man's soul.without it, he would never be able to see beyond his immediate world; nor could the world see the man within. - lady bird johnson

shot with lensbaby's new sweet 35 optic.  pretty awesome new lens.  love. love.  more images to come.

have faith

faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark.- rabindranath tagore

may we all have faith, feel the light, find our wings, sing our song and soar!!  feels kind of cheesy as i write those words, but feels kind of awesome at the same time.  like i just want to sit here and breathe it all in. anyways...

some photos just make my heart so happy.  and the bird photo just happens to be one of those photos. taken yesterday, while the kids and i were at the beach (steve was parachuting).  :-)

also, if you get a chance...click on over to the creative mama blog, where i shared a bit about my annual family books and the book making process.

all american

i had been longing...dreaming... about doing photographs with my kids and an american flag for a really really long time.

it was important to me, as a former military member and now a military spouse. i'm proud to be a military family. very proud.  very blessed.  i wouldn't change our military life for a second.

so a couple of weeks ago, while having a family day at the beach, i decided to bring along our american flag.

and this is a bit of what happened...

note: flag was handled with extreme care and respect, in the making of these photographs. i promise, opa marty.

off and running

i'm excited to be headed to california this morning, for the next 11 days. a wee bit anxious too as i haven't left my kids quite this long, although i do know that my husband is 110% capable of doing just as good of job as i with the kids. and steve's brother will be here to take care of the kids, while steve is at work. this morning, sky said,

am i just going to wear my hair down for the next two weeks. boys don't know how to do hair. unless they work in a shop....are trained in a special shop. and what about buddy's hair? i guess his hair will just look crazy every day.

i put sky's hair in a ponytail or pigtails every day for school. and wet and brush ryder's, as his becomes quite a fluffy mess during the night. so, i leave -- knowing all will run smoothly -- except maybe my kids' hair. and if that's all i have to worry about while gone, that's pretty darn awesome.

i guess i'll include instructions regarding the little ones' hair, in the weekly schedule / note that i'm leaving for uncle joe.  something i didn't think about, but is obviously a bit of a concern for sky.  :-)

i will be two days with my mom, in sacramento, helping her pack up her house for a mid-february move. three days in san diego, where i get the opportunity to shoot an elementary school class, a great friend's family and max's family. this will be the second time shooting max's family since he passed away, august 2008. and then i'm off to twentynine palms for our workshop. so, so excited to meet another incredible group of photographers.

from my last session with the mikulak family, in 2009.  nicky and hannah, with max's favorite stuffed shark, bruce.  nicky was belting out ring of fire, which max so loved to sing.

sure will miss these three, while i'm gone (taken a couple weekends ago, during gasparilla celebration)...

steve too, who continues to support and encourage my photography dreams. love you babe!!

true momentum

true momentum happens when a unique gift is cast upon a moment that has been waiting for it all along. if you don't have it, the spread of your work feels contrived. so you may have lots of twitter followers, but if you garnered them by following anyone and everyone in a desperate attempt to grow your platform, no one really cares.

when true momentum happens, people respond to your work. it's like hoisting a sail and being propelled by the wind, rather than rowing your brains out.

i heard jon acuff say recently that when he launched stuff christians like, the site drew 4,000 readers in just 9 days. his talent was cast upon a moment that was waiting for it. - ben arment

oh how i love his words.  in a sea of photographers, this is something to really think about and take to heart.  work hard. be honest and passionate about what you do. and let things happen naturally.  you might just be surprised.

thanks steph beaty for sharing.  definitely a new blog to add to my reader. so many bits of inspirational wisdom scattered throughout his posts.

what are you leaving behind?

my friend, erin, and i have emailed back and forth for a while now.  she just gets me. and i adore her like no other.  she is wise beyond her years, for sure. i actually think i should pay her for therapy...or life coaching...or something. yesterday, as we were talking about the depth and meaning of this project and this project, she shared the following in one of her email replies:

who is to say that you aren't already on your 18 year project? these photographers had no idea... i'm sure that during their journeys- they questioned 'what the fuck am i doing?' 'this is pointless' 'i need to be doing something more' 'what does this mean to me?' they questioned... and they kept searching. and they kept doing. and suddenly something revealed itself a sickness, a death, a life, an opportunity. something revealed itself. and i am sure- that in some circumstances- like the man that died- that it didn't reveal itself to him even in his death. it simply was something he did... he didn't realise the impact it would make on other people. --- ...so with your personal work-- do you tell that story to your kids? do you consider what you are leaving behind for them? what you are telling them about yourself, your life, your wisdom-- and also- what the journey has been like with them in your life.

so, what are you leaving behind for the world? but most importantly, what are you leaving behind for your children?

and i sat here in tears, as i soaked in every word she wrote. photography is so part of my life, sometimes i ache -- as i keep questioning, searching and doing.  i wish i could explain it better, but i'm not sure i can.

and my kids... what AM i leaving behind for them?  the thought pains me daily, as i want to leave them with more than just their memories.

erin shared with me how she writes to her daughter, claire, every day. i had started documenting thoughts / advice to my kids a while back, but maybe i should include open, free-flowing writing to them too. i mean seriously, what would happen if i died tomorrow? next week? next month? steve's mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and died only a few months later. steve was five. his mom was my age.

and i have this fucking amazing gift that i've been blessed with, but it has hindered my ability to capture the normal, everyday life of my family. treasured, simple moments. (yes, i've blogged about this before. probably multiple times.) again, i feel the universe is yelling at me and telling me to get my shit together. on multiple levels. in regards to many things. i need to figure this out. what's my problem?  why can't i shoot fricken snapshots anymore?

with that said, i share a simple moment. a moment i want to pass on to my children...

last week after gymnastics class, ryder said,

the coach said that if i go to level four, i have to cut my hair.

me...

ummm. no!! you're not cutting your hair because of level four. girls have long hair and do gymnastics.  they don't have to cut their hair when they go to level four. you can just wear it in a ponytail, if they're worried about it going in your face or something.

over the days, the conversations about boys with ponytails continued. i let my kids know that boys can totally wear ponytails. it's NO BIG DEAL (i'm not quite sure my husband is fully buying into that fact, although he does roll with it).

and then one day last week, i came home and sky had put ryder's hair in a ponytail, to include green barrette decoration. he left it that way all evening. i told him how great it looked and asked him if i could take a couple pictures.

he's not game to wear a ponytail to school, but i love the fact that he's embracing the possibility.  and it was awesome that my friend, kathy, was able to share with ryder, some photos of her college-age son wearing a ponytail.

ryder likes his long hair (yes, i ask him). i LOVE his long hair. no way in HELL is my son cutting his hair to simply to conform with what boys gymnastics has always done in the past. i was in the military for 10 years and i understand abiding by rules, BUT i'm not sure i will be cutting my son's hair for gymnastics.  i mean seriously, he's six and in gymnastics...not 18 and in the military. i will definitely be questioning when that time comes.  and i hope i make my children proud for doing so.

permission to dream

as i continue to try and find a way to go to miami and photograph my kids with this piano (dreaming that it IS possible), the past couple days has had me thinking a ton about dreaming and risk-taking. then i saw the following post on facebook, from my friend (and past workshop attendee), jess --

my dream: to have a photograph i have taken...on the cover of a book. i swear...i buy books by their cover...and would die if i could accomplish that!

and i thought, why don't we share our dreams -- our wishes, hopes, desires, aspirations -- more often? what a powerful thing, to put your dreams out there. to set them free. and surround yourself with supporters. and other dreamers. truly, what do we have to lose?

i  so believe... in dreaming big. working hard. taking risks. knowing that anything is possible if we allow ourself to dream!!

yesterday, i read this quote and found it so inspiring... if we always did what was known, there would be nothing to learn, explore or gain. isn’t it the surprises, the unexpected twists and turns that give meaning to our journey and make our dreams happen? Without risk, we’d stay hunkered down in our heads instead of living out loud in our hearts. - author unknown

and then i happened across this quote this morning. every thought you think is taken as a command by your subconscious, but it’s your strongest thoughts that become your true goals. - brian mayne

can't help but think how truly powerful it is to fill your mind up with positive thoughts and big dreams.  so tell me, WHAT IS YOUR DREAM(S)?

an artist's style

i subscribed to nate williams' newsletters long ago because i loved one of his art print posters and they happened to be sold out. i was hopeful that maybe he would re-issue it in the future. little did i know that i'd also be receiving great, inspiring articles for creatives from nate williams. in his most recent newsletter, he included an article, does a professional illustrator need a "style". he shares...

As an illustrator, art directors hire you because they want to give a project a specific tone, feeling and they need to be able to count on your work being a certain way for their project, campaign, etc. It’s kind of like choosing a font. Imagine if you bought a Metallica CD and it was full of acoustic Bolivian folk music .. you would be kind of confused??? Art directors usually don’t want to play “style roulette”. This doesn’t mean you can’t do other styles…it just means when you present them to clients have consistency between the bodies of work. A number of illustrators, writers, and musicians work under various names for this vary reason. For example, my other style .. or alter ego is Alexander Blue. This is a wackier, colorful style geared for kids.

and regarding, does having a "style" mean never changing or growing, he states,

No, it just means have consistency between the bodies of work you present. (ie Nate Williams, Alexander Blue .. both me .. just grouped accordingly)

such great words to embrace and think about!! and i love that these thoughts are from a different type of an artist -- an illustrator versus another photographer.

had me thinking, for sure. i often have a difficult time seeing or talking about my own style, although i will when one forces me to. but i do know what i love. and i work hard to only put the photos that i really love in my portfolio. at the end of the day, i feel like if you do your thing and you're honest about what you love and share that in your portfolio, your style will shine without even trying.

and...i'm so excited about ordering this fabulous nate williams print, which was very similar to the print that i was originally longing for. a beautiful life indeed...

lastly, an image from the other day, while shooting with my friend, kathy wolfe. it had been a while since i shot.  and it makes my heart so, so happy when i do.

p.s. no birds were added or manipulated in this image.  it is as it magically was that day...and at that moment.  :-)

should you

...work for free? if you haven't seen this yet, it's a funny read. but not really. it's something to REALLY think about as you contemplate doing business for free. i definitely have my opinionated thoughts about doing complimentary work and those attending the wallflower friends retreat will be hearing about some of those thoughts soon. :-)

created by jessica hische | view the original, larger version here

also... a great little interior design blog post here on when "fine art meets family portraits".

and since i love to include photos with my posts, here's a few favorites of my kids from the past five years...

can't help but mention that in the shot above, it was the first day ryder was potty trained (wearing big boy underwear), he scribbled all over himself and had sky's ponytail holders on, which we called his 'wonder boy bracelets'. sigh...where does the time go?

hope more

yesterday, while i was cooking dinner, kiele presented me with this gift. for no other reason than to give. she wrote the poem. she painted the artwork. and shared that each image in the drawing has a connection with a word or line in the poem.

The Heart of a Whole A catching dream to fade away Along the chanting breeze Not the slightest wisp left behind A teardrop on a fallen song And when the stars blaze I could hope for nothing more Than the dove's surrendered gift Where half my heart goes to To the mother I always love - Kiele Marston 2011 (age 13)

polaroid of kiele, taken this morning before heading off to school

somewhere (wish i remembered where) i was recently reading about how as children, we simply create (draw, cut, paint, etc.) for the love of creating. we don't worry about who is going to like it or if anyone is going to like it.

we created it. we like it. and that's what matters.

and then we grow up and begin questionning ourselves. doubting ourselves. worrying about what others think. but i don't want to be that way; i want to get back to that magical place of childhood, where i create for the love of creating and not worry about what anyone else thinks. i hope (and will hope more as they continue to grow up) that my kids never lose this gift that every child is blessed with -- the gift of creating, for the simple love and enjoyment of creating.

i can't thank my children enough for being my most important and wondrous inspiration -- in my life, in my art, in my every day everything.

wonderment

it's what i don't capture enough of...my kids' every day wonderment. their every day life. their every day everything. one of my goals, wishes, hopes, desires, dreams this year is to photograph more of our real life.  i started to do it last year but it became more of a project (series aspiration) and only lasted one month until i became paralyzed. this year, i want to remove all pressure and just shoot for the beauty of capturing glimpses of their every day. because you know what...it really is magical.  and when it comes down to it, it's what i'll long for in the end.

this was ryder yesterday, in his fort, which he was so, so proud.  a treasured image...one that is destined for the pages of my 2011 annual book.

and then there's this one, taken last night, of sky -- all dolled up, to include eye shadow and lip gloss, and ready to go to her friend's 8th birthday party sleepover.  shot at night at 3200 ISO.

meant to be

you know how you feel that you're just meant to do something? well that's how i feel about shooting polaroid. i'm not sure i can explain it. but it nags at me. to keep going. to keep shooting. to keep investing. of course, i struggle with my brain and waiver at times but ultimately, i'm always brought back to this darn polaroid camera.

but it's not easy. nor reliable (especially if you purchase 600 film off ebay, which i don't recommend). and it's expensive. and that can be frustrating.

i'm trying to figure out a way to incorporate polaroid into my client session because i think they're magical. and therefore, i think i should. i have some definite ideas.

here's a few shots from yesterday that have now become up there with my all time fav photographs.

yes, i believe it's meant to be. and well...that's good enough for me.

and of course, i have the 'remember who you are' polaroid, which i will forever treasure. and is now hanging as a framed 20x20 print right above my desk. maybe i'll enlarge and frame a few others and have a wall of polaroids.