and then the storm blew in

in ,

celebrate your success and stand strong when adversity hits, for when the storm clouds come in, the eagles soar while the small birds take cover.- author unknown

so we had this great idea today, to head to the beach...as a family. we hadn't done that yet here in florida. so we packed up the car and drove 40 minutes to this great beach. and there in the distance, we saw the storm clouds. what we didn't know is how fast the darn thing was moving. all of a sudden i hear...

i feel sprinkles. momma, i really feel sprinkles.

and poof. just like that, we were being poured on! steve was gathering up the kite. i was screaming for the kids to grab something and go.  of course, there was quite a walk from the beach to the car.  hands were full and we were moving as fast as we could.

so we went to the beach. for about 20 minutes. and drove home soaked for the next 40 minutes -- a family outing to remember, for sure. :-)

p.s. i have plans with this beach.  can't wait to go back.  all shot with lensbaby.  no time to change my lens...or really get my kids to cooperate.

thankful for

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life. love. family. my children. hope. today. tomorrow. photography. my home. inspiration. coffee. happiness. new friends. old friends. a day at the beach. a clean house. my husband. hoodies. journaling. a great pair of boots. a beautiful sunset. a crisp breeze. family pets. dreaming. hoping. believing. military. peace. opportunities. safety. comfort. health. a good book. memories. freedom. optimism. wonderful neighbors. email. dreadlocks. a great snowfall. encouragement. a tough workout. nachos. sincere apologies. music. hugs. the arts. incredible schools. cochlear implants. a handwritten note. getting along. rest. laughter. reconnecting. travel. being respectful. passion. strength. cell phones. dinners together. technology. smiles. random acts of kindness. family traditions. autumn leaves. each new day.

happy thanksgiving!!

happy you are home

in , , , ,

being especially thankful is obviously on everyone's mind this week.  but this family has something momentous to be thankful for; they will never forget thanksgiving 2010. daddy is coming home from iraq this afternoon.  he was gone six months -- left when their baby was three months old.  and steve just happens to be best of friends with B (they met in EOD school), so my whole family will be there to welcome B home.  and i get the honor of photographing the homecoming.

so can't wait.

just a few more hours now.  and we're getting our signs ready :-)

hoping to share some homecoming photos in the next few days.

wishing everyone a most wonderful thanksgiving tomorrow -- filled with love, laughter, friendship and joy.  we have so much to be grateful for!

one year. two days.

in

yes, it's been over a year now that i've had my dreads.  i can't believe it.  and i still absolutely love them.  although i really wish they'd grow in length a bit. when down, they itch my neck like crazy.  i'm actually beginning to think they may never grow.  also, one thing i noticed, when looking at these photos is how much my ends have broken off (contributing to my length [or lack thereof] issue).  i'm thinking that next year, i may not have any loose ends left. so in celebrating one year of dreadlocks, i share some photos of this dreaded journey of mine.  :-))  you can also read my previous dread posts here and here and here.

have any questions, feel free to ask and i'll edit to add my answers at the bottom.

the day before i left for portland and six days later

december | © leigh miller photography

march

april | © untamed heart photography

may

july | © ryan muirhead photography i know it looks a tad bit like a mug shot, but it gives you the 8 month dread idea. be sure to check out ryan's work. he's a brilliant film photographer.

october | © jen wright photography

and how i typically wear my dreads

one of those pictures

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this was one of those (polaroid) pictures where i just knew.  i was so drawn to it.  but i didn't know why at the time.  and of course, i second guessed myself (as i often do)... what is it? would anyone else like it? am i crazy for liking this?

but i stashed it away. and then came across it again yesterday. and i immediately knew.

empty house is the title of the image.

our last day in kansas. our empty house. getting ready to leave for the next phase of our family's journey. headed to tampa. sad and excited all at once. i didn't know it then, but this is an extremely important image in my collection of images. i think (and hope) it would speak deeply to every military spouse.

my polaroid SX-70 is such a special part of this photography journey of mine.

advice

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i love her blog.i longed for the release of her book. and now i can't seem to bring myself to buy it. i mean i really want it. but then i struggle. i want to document my own advice to my kids.

polaroid from last year, in kansas.

and that brings me to another thought. my dear friends in san diego, who i cherish more than they'll ever know -- terry and richard. richard has battled cancer a few times (30 years ago, a few years ago and now) i remember so clearly when he was fighting MALT lymphoma a few years ago. you see... richard is the most amazing pediatrician (and man)!! they call him the baby whisperer. he's shared his thoughts, advice and medical wisdom with so many over the years. anyone who has had the opportunity to meet him and learn from him is so very blessed. and the thought of him not being able to share this with his own children (no grandchildren yet)... is a painful thought. so he began writing. creating a book... of this thoughts. guidance. wisdom. to pass on. through the years. through the generations. i'm not sure where things stand with his book. but i hope and pray he's been writing over these past few years. i definitely will be asking (and encouraging) the next time i talk to him.

a photo from when terry and richard first started dating. we had snuck it out, printed it huge and displayed it for their surprise 40th anniversary party.

terry & richard, with one of their sons and his new wife, at their wedding celebration this past summer.

so the folder has just been created and now sits on my desktop. as i begin to document my own advice. thoughts. anything. to pass on to my kids. and hopefully to their kids. and on and on.

thanks for the inspiration jaime. i will eventually buy the book.  it truly seems awesome. and... i mean really, could my kids ever have too much wonderful advice?!!

p.s. polaroid post still coming. in the next few days.  sometimes i just get a little side-tracked.

remember who you are

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emily -- a previous workshop attendee, a client, my friend -- inquired the other day about purchasing a remember who you are print.

me: of course. emily:  i'd like to order a 20x20 print. me:  really? emily:  of course.

i had never printed one of my polaroids 20x20 before but she had. she printed this one that i took of lulu, during their session a few months ago. and now, the two will hang side by side in her house. i so can't wait to see.

after i placed the order, i shared the story of the remember who you are polaroid with emily and thought it would be fun to share here too...

a few years back, i attended a mary ellen mark workshop in venice beach, calif. the weekend was beyond amazing. not only did i get to listen to mary ellen mark speak and have my portfolio reviewed by her, i got to each breakfast and dinner with her all weekend (we just happened to be staying in the same hotel). just she and i sharing. it really was a dream come true because she (and sally mann) have been huge inspirations for me, from the very beginning.

so...as i headed back to san diego in the pouring rain, i passed the remember who you are painted on a garage door in an alley. i drove by. stopped. and backed up to take the polaroid. as i drove away, i prayed that it was going to turn out (i have PLENTY of polaroids that have not).

i can't help but think it was all meant to be.  the polaroid is and always will be one of my favorite images ever.

both images courtesy of emily corey

i think i'll share a bit more about shooting polaroids tomorrow.  i've been getting emailed a lot of questions lately. believe me...i'm no expert but i'm always willing to share my personal experience.

ETA: i really am longing to own a mary ellen mark print.  and when i was looking through her work today, i came across this one. oh my. it's just fabulous. a print that i think i'll appreciate more and more and more over the years. :-) © mary ellen mark

heart to heart

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an oldie i came across today, from may 2008. apparently, i thought it should be titled heart to heart because that is the file name. i remember how much i connected with this image when i took it...and i still love it just as much now. a bit lost at the moment, i feel like i'm searching.  growing.  evolving.  i need to get back to shooting for me.  taking risks.  it's been a while.

memories

in ,

i'm back home, from a weekend in phoenix.  i went there with this fantasy of peace and healing.  i left there with a greater understanding of my past, some new relationships with my extended family and...sadness.  turmoil.  about so many things. my grandfather passed away a couple weeks ago, at the age of 98. but i'm not sad about that. bupa suffered from severe dementia the past 10 years and it was time.  he lived a great life and it was time for him to find peace (and nanny) again.  his service was small. simple. beautiful. perfect.

but other things happened over the weekend that were not so beautiful. nor perfect. lots of tears shed. i'm actually still trying to digest it all and figure things out.  figure something...anything out. i guess with more knowledge and understanding, also comes lots of confusion.

+++

while at my aunt's house saturday evening, we looked at so many fabulous old photographs, which has left me flooded with thoughts and emotions.  i view this amazing history of my past and then i think, what the hell kind of history am i leaving for my own family?  nothing.  except controlled, beautiful images -- most of which are riddled with this disease called perfectionism.  what the hell?!!  i'm so mad and frustrated with myself.  what am i doing? what have i done?

i've talked to myself about all this before but it now pains me in a deeper way. i'm determined to make a change. i'm praying i can find that place, where i can be my family's visual historian.  true historian. not superficial photographer that takes kick-ass pictures of her kids kind of historian.

i have no real memories of my past, except those i see in photographs. and i wonder...

what memories will my children have? in their mind. in the photographs left behind.

lots swirling right now. and really...i'm still trying to reel it all in. and digest it all.

sadly, i took very few photos while in pheonix.  another problem i struggle with. i hate to bring my camera anywhere (thoughts i'll save for another blog post).  but here's a couple i did take --

the extended rouse family. i'm far left. my dad is next to me. and my sister (38) has short dark hair, next to the man with the red tie.

and another of my cousin's daughter, holding the card from my bupa's service.  she carried the cards around for much of the evening.

p.s. i'm really missing my husband right now.  he's in the philippines for a couple weeks. and the equipment he shipped in september is still not there. so now we're not sure if he'll be home for thanksgiving (he was originally due home on the 23rd). another moment of life as a military spouse.

being true

in ,

jasmine's blog is in my google reader and today, she blogged about selective clientele.  while her post is geared towards brides, her words are applicable to any and all commissioned photography.   she writes:

Each component of my brand--both personal and professional--does one of two things: 1. Attracts - Makes a prospective bride like me more (perhaps she likes dogs, chocolate, reality tv, and falafels as much as me) 2. Repels - Makes a prospective bride dislike me (perhaps she likes celery, Chekhov, and crocheting by the fire)

If you're trying to work with clients who fit your personality like a glove, here are a few things to consider... 1. Ensure your website is a true reflection of WHO you are, not WHAT you do. 2. Embrace the personal perspective of your business and showcase that perspective. 3. Showcase the type of imagery you want to always shoot (e.g. I want to shoot fun people, so I showcase fun/silly/laughing photos). 4. Educate prospective clients. (e.g. I want my brides to do a First Look, so I explain the importance and value). 5. Be personal. Yes, this means making yourself vulnerable. If people don't like you, who cares?! Be true to you...and those who love you will become you're biggest fans.

i absolutely love all jasmine shared and couldn't agree more.  be true to yourself.  be true to your clients.  in the end, you both will win.  they'll get the right photographer; you'll get the right client.  i hope my clients would say that i do this well...because i definitely try!!

my first

in ,

had my first tampa shoot last week.  i mean i've shot here before.  but this was my first family shoot.  here in tampa.  a client.  a friend.   i adore them. we decided to head to picnic island because they wanted beach and it's pretty close. i had shot there before on a cloudy (empty) day.  the M family moved here this past march, from ohio, and they wanted something florida-y so we thought picnic island would be perfect.

K and i talked about the location after -- nice because it offers both green and beach.  but the beach was not the greatest, we agreed.  the water isn't the kind you really want to get into and it was a bit crowded with some interesting characters.  so i'm still longing to find that magic beach, like this one.  i will eventually find it.  maybe here.  i mean really...PB pier didn't come to me overnight.  it will happen here too.  and so...the tampa location scouting continues.

with all that said, i do love the mix of green and beach that picnic island has to offer.  but i miss the texture and shade of a pier.  thanks M family for being my first!! :-)

i never thought i'd say this...

in , , ,

i miss kansas. i miss... the seasons. the weedy fields. the trees. the corn fields. the hay bails. the changing leaves. the broken down barns. the cows. the cold. the snow. the slow. the peace. the quiet. yep, i'm missing kansas.

i want to get back to that place -- maybe not physically but mentally, as a photographer. i want to get back to exploring and shooting for me.  what's stopping me?  

not. a. damn. thing.

but me.

kansas was definitely a place and time in my life that i will never forget...for so very many reasons.  i am so, so grateful for the time.  kansas was simply meant to be...even if for only a year.

12 week update

in ,

hard to believe it's been 12 weeks since i started crossfit.  and i still absolutely love it and long for it!! i remember when i started and was absolutely scared to death.  i remember the day when i was so excited to bench press using the big girl bar (as we called it).  or the day i was able to do five military style push-ups (not on my knees). and today, i bench-pressed 55 pounds and deadlifted 110 pounds (almost my body weight) -- both personal records. i also did squats with weight but i can't remember how much. all were 5 reps x 4 rounds.  oh...and monday, i pulled, flipped and rowed a big-ass tire and pushed a jeep.  yes, i pushed my trainer's jeep.  so hard!  i thought i was going to die but it felt oh-so-amazing when i was done!  needless to say, i'm proud of my own little accomplishments as i've pretty much always been a weakling.

i fricken love, love, love having a personal trainer, who arranges workouts specifically for me and pushes me. she pushes me so much farther than i could or would ever push myself.  i actually am still trying to wean myself from her, which has proven much tougher than i anticipated.

i keep sharing updates because i hope to inspire others to keep going. and pushing.  it's never too late.  i want you to find that thing you love as your workout -- that thing you so love that you can't help but keep doing it!!

you CAN do it!

here's photos from...

may (pre-anything)

september (5 weeks post-crossfit)

and today (b/c i was wearing the same clothes, and it's almost 12 weeks)

i haven't lost a pound since my 5 week point but surely i must have gained some muscle.  while i could easily obsess about my weight, i try and focus on getting strong and being fit and healthy.  i threw out my scale long ago and only weigh myself occasionally at the box. i also had a rough couple weeks of not doing anything in san diego and then coming home and getting sick.  but no excuses!!  my goal is to wear a bikini this summer -- something i haven't done since pre-kiele (about 14 or 15 years ago).  i'm proud to be 41 and feel more real than i have ever felt in my entire life (that's a whole other blog post).

let's keep pushing and inspiring one another through this holiday season filled with the yummiest food, cakes and cookies.  everything in moderation is my motto!!  i WILL eat cookies but only in moderation. :-)

let's do this...together!!

p.s. i try to take pictures in the exact same position but it's damn hard.  i guess i'm getting close enough though.

my happy place

in

i.love. music.

and was inspired by an itunes mix i came across yesterday! so i decided to make a happy itunes mix for myself -- my happy place music.

so here it is (so far).  music that makes me happy.  my go-to-feel-good-happy kind of music.  a special thanks to my facebook friends for sharing their happy music!

ENJOY!

so powerful

in ,

this takes my breath away. i don't even know what to say other than that at this moment.  i'm pretty much speechless. © david jay

the SCAR project

The SCAR Project is a series of large-scale portraits of young breast cancer survivors shot by fashion photographer David Jay. Primarily an awareness raising campaign, The SCAR Project puts a raw, unflinching face on early onset breast cancer while paying tribute to the courage and spirit of so many brave young women.

Dedicated to the more than 10,000 women under the age of 40 who will be diagnosed this year alone The SCAR Project is an exercise in awareness, hope, reflection and healing. The mission is three-fold: Raise public consciousness of early-onset breast cancer, raise funds for breast cancer research/outreach programs and help young survivors see their scars, faces, figures and experiences through a new, honest and ultimately empowering lens.

The SCAR Project subjects range from ages 18 to 35 and represent the often overlooked group of young women living with breast cancer. (Breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer deaths in young women ages 15-40). They journey from across America and the world to be photographed for The SCAR Project. Nearly 100 so far. The youngest 18.

Although Jay began shooting The SCAR Project primarily as an awareness raising campaign he was not prepared for something much more immediate . . . and beautiful: “For these young women, having their portrait taken seems to represent their personal victory over this terrifying disease. It helps them reclaim their femininity, their sexuality, identity and power after having been robbed of such an important part of it. Through these simple pictures, they seem to gain some acceptance of what has happened to them and the strength to move forward with pride.

david jay | photographer

steve's mom died of breast cancer when she was 40.  steve was five.

you can view a temporary, crazy powerful, emotional gallery here.

and you can find the SCAR project's facebook page here.

congratulations

in ,

anyone who follows my blog probably knows that i'm now doing crossfit and so loving it.  :-) and a few weeks ago, i photographed a bunch of women at my box, for the deadlifts and dresses 2011 calendar competition. today, i found out that three of the crossfit jaguar women were selected for the calendar! woot woot!! and i have to say...after two weeks of traveling, getting sick, not working out and eating like shit, i'm so happy to be working out (crossfitting) again. today felt amazing.  thanks paula (last set of photos below)!

meet the the three selected...