i'm so not a reader. sadly, i never have been. i try [although probably not hard enough]. and sometimes force myself to start and finish a book; however, this book had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. i finished it in less than 24 hours. passed the book on to kiele the next day and she finished it in a day.
kiele has moved onto catching fire and i will start it as soon as she's done. i've heard the entire series is awesome.
what a wonderful tumblr THIS tumblr is. a tumblr that celebrates lovely moms. a tumblr that made my heart skip a beat as i scrolled through the images. and in celebrating lovely moms, i celebrate MY mom, whose birthday was yesterday (11/11/11)!!
mom,
i love you. more than words could ever express. more than you'll ever know. i can't believe all that you did for michelle and i growing up. i could never thank you enough. i know that you gave us the absolute best you could. everything you could. you asked me if i would forgive you. i forgave you long ago, although i'm not sure there was anything to forgive. i am who i am because of YOU! i am so very proud to call you my mom. i wouldn't have it any other way.
thank you mom.
for being so amazing.
and being such an inspirational survivor!
happy birthday!!!!!
i love you,
debbie
p.s. can't wait to see you next month.
a few photos of my mom, with the littles, this past july...
and a photo i found on my computer of my mom, kiele and i, from the dinner rehearsal before steve an i got married (2002)...
i'm excited to read this book, along with two other art history books i just purchased. and i'm hoping to start an art history class at a local community college in january.
as a former active duty air force nurse and now being married to a naval explosive ordnance disposal officer, i couldn't be more proud to celebrate veterans day and honor those who have served our nation in war...and peace.
do you know how and when veterans day was first declared?
On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918, an armistice, or temporary cessation of hostilities, was declared between the Allied nations and Germany in the First World War, then known as "the Great War." Commemorated as Armistice Day beginning the following year, November 11th became a legal federal holiday in the United States in 1938. In the aftermath of World War II and the Korean War, Armistice Day became Veterans Day, a holiday dedicated to American veterans of all wars.
[history.com]
++
the other day, i drove around the corner, to look at the monster house they're building right behind my house. a couple doors down, i noticed a large sign with an american flag and a marine corp flag on each corner of the sign. i said to my mother-in-law,
that's interesting. i've never seen flags of support like that on a home depot work sign before.
and then we got closer and i read the sign...
Tampa Bay Community Supporting
Cpl Michael Nicholson USMC
Giving our best for the best our
Nation has to give!
Send Donations to:
Michael Nicholson Road to Recovery
c/o Alley, Clark and Greivwe, PA
PO Box 3127
Tampa, FL 33601
as soon as i got back home, i began to investigate and learned that on july 6th, cpl nicholson [22-years-old] was on foot patrol in afghanistan and was attacked by a hidden improvised explosive device [IED], tragically losing both his legs and one of his arms. i continued to his michael nicholson fund facebook page and found this article about the endless search for IEDs in afghanistan. i also learned that the young man in the 11th photo down, cpl justin crabbe, who is from the same unit, also lost both of his legs due to an IED explosion in afghanistan.
on october 13th, corporal nicholson walked for the first time since july...
corporal nicholson is an american hero. a wounded warrior. a brave, young man, who has sacrificed beyond words. i can't imagine his pain. his suffering. i honor him -- his determination, strength, dedication...his courage. corporal nicholson is a true inspiration for us all.
if you would like to donate to corporal nicholson's road to recovery fund, here is the info:
The “Michael Nicholson Road to Recovery Fund” is set up and administered by Alley, Clark and Greiwe, PA in Tampa. 100% of the donations will go toward Nicholson's care, specifically on items not covered by the Veterans Administration. The fund is set up at the Bank of Tampa. Donations can be sent c/o Alley, Clark and Greiwe, PA P.O. Box 3127 Tampa FL 33601. Please only donate directly to them or Bank of Tampa and please make sure checks are made out to "Michael Nicholson Road to Recovery Fund"
spend time every day listening to what your muse is trying to tell you.- saint bartholomew
for me, there's so many ups and downs in photography. self-doubt seems to be the biggest culprit, creeping it's way in...time and time again. often, i get a photo that i so love and i think to myself, this is it...i'm done. how am i ever going to capture something like this again? doubting my abilities; viewing it more as an lucky break. i know that i am my own worst enemy. i am the one stopping myself and i must change that way of thinking. gratefully, my muse shakes me silly and continues to inspire me. and somehow it happens...another photograph that i fall in love with.
i'm feeling a bit lot lost and frustrated right now, which i'll share more about in another post. but for the moment, as the quote says, i just need to listen. and trust!! thankfully, she knows better than i do.
skyler, you looked over my shoulder and asked me what i was writing about you. this is what i want you to know...
i love you to the moon and back. and so much more than that. thank you for making me the person [and photographer] that i am. i trust you. completely. thank you! for being the amazing soul that you are...and inspiring me more than i ever dreamed.
muse.the goddess or the power regarded as inspiring a poet, artist, thinker or the like.
a goddess that inspires a creative artist.
a source of inspiration.
skyler is and always has been my muse. she inspires me more than any other. she's put up with my growth and frustrations in photography. she's allowed me to test new ideas and techniques. most of the time, she just does her thing and i excitedly shoot. we understand one another that way. but, i hope she knows how much i truly appreciate her and all she does and gives to me...each and every time. i can't imagine a better muse in my life but i guess that's what a muse is all about. i can't imagine my photography without her. ever.
needless to say, i have SO MANY photos of sky. i was grabbing some of my favorites of favorites, to share, and there were still so many that i decided to have a muse part I and II. most of these have come and gone, from my website portfolio. a few have stayed strong. i hope you enjoy part I [2006, when i first picked up a camera, till 2008]...
goodness, i love this child so much. so much my opposite. so much my same. so much completes me. and i can't wait to continue to grow WITH her.
october was a tad bit really crazy. it brought my 42nd birthday, new plumbing for our whole house, the complete demo of a bathroom, the start of the bathroom renovation and a husband leaving for three weeks to afghanistan.
in celebrating the chaos, here's a bit of what our everyday amongst the chaos looks like...
kid mess. not related to renovation mess.
"tribal markings", courtesy of kiele. notice the little chest hairs. he had armpit hair too.
ryder's new trick, which he won't stop doing.
charley love.
always asking to help with chores. well not always, but a lot of times.
location scouting.
playing on the front yard swing.
meeting more new friends on the farm, during kiele's riding lessons.
star tattoos and giggles.
half of the time, i find her upside down somewhere.
and some iphone [instagram] photos from this month...
where you'll find the little ones and i, every tuesday and thursday. where's skyler and ryder?
a few of my birthday surprises. can't even begin to tell you how much i love the art my kids create for me [thank you kim!!].
in the middle of the bathroom demo.
skyler: "hey mom, this looks like your hair".
i just love her knees. even more when they're dirty.
and here's to november and celebrating all that's to come.
there's a group of 12 of us participating in this monthly project. i hope you'll check them all out [clicking link to link]. next up is the awesome stephanie moore | tucson senior photographer.
...headed to the other coast, for the next week. i will miss my family a ton! but excited to see my san diego friends again. and so very blessed to be shooting incredible clients there -- some of them since my first year in photography.
ETA: long story...but a day later [never making it further than houston's airport], i'm back home again.
a year of crockpot recipes. one for every day. this lady did just that.
love this simple polaroid wall layout. i so miss the old 600 film.
so love this. would love to have a huge 3 or 5 of my own. maybe next house.
love these lettered cups. sky has tons of knickknacks and i think something like this could be the perfect solution, along with being a stylish trinket collector [although i'd prefer plastic & available in the US]
a bit of our daily.
not sure how this came about but this was our [the little ones and i] conversation on our way to the grocery store today...
SKYLER:
i'm not going to have any kids.
because i want to be in charge.
i'll be in charge of my husband.
like you are mommy.
maybe i'll have one kid.
but i'll still be in charge.
RYDER:
i'm going to have a wife.
and prank her.
and my kids too.
thought it would be fun to start sharing some of my favorite new finds of the week. so here we go...
adore this necklace for a child.
love.
i love this DIY coat rack and am thinking about asking steve to do a rack for the little ones' room [since they have such a tiny closet and sky has so many dresses].
a cute DIY book mark project. would make a great little addition for christmas gifts and a fun project to work on with the kids.
this was so, so good and easy. definitely a keeper recipe.
brings me back to childhood. one of my all-time favorites, especially around the holidays.
as we demo and renovate our bathroom, pinterest has been an awesome place for inspiration and putting ideas, thoughts and design all together.
one of the next projects that i want to do with the kids. could also make for some great christmas giving.
a message about this is going around on pinterest right now. i remember seeing it on the news quite a long time ago. in 45 minutes at DC's metro station [jan 2007], only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while, 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace...all while one of the greatest violinists in the world played six bach pieces. he collected a total of $32. indeed...i wonder how many amazing, incredible things we are missing during our hectic day-to-day lives? or that we just don't take the time to stop and notice.
as i bitch about this and that and this and that, HER feed pops up on my facebook wall and i am reminded about the treasure and absolute gift of life. i am slapped in the face with this amazing woman's strength and grace, as she fights...for her life. recently, jen's world was rocked [completely rocked] as she was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. she went through massive surgery and is left with specs of cancer in her abdomen. she is currently receiving a double dose of chemo (IV and directly into her abdomen). you can read all about and follow her fight here.
she is amazing. full of grace, hope, love and strength. i don't know jen very well, but she reminds me to be grateful. she reminds me to live and enjoy...
enjoy
every
single
minute
that i am blessed with.
i am reminded to not take anything for granted. i am reminded that i have nothing to bitch, moan, groan or compain about, that's for sure.
i think about and follow jen daily. but i wish there was something great i could do for her.
sending you so much light, love, hope and strength jen!!
...i've been working on my family's annual book. anyone who's read my blog over the past couple years, probably already knows how much i adore and treasure my family books. they grace our credenza right as you walk in the door and i get chills each and every time i look through one of the books. last night, i found the kids looking through them -- laughing and giggling as they turned the pages. i've been doing an annual book ever since i started photography [2006]. i always joke that if there's a fire and my family is all safe, my books are next to be saved from the flames. but i'm serious.
i started working on the book a bit earlier than usual, so i'm not rushing to get it done the end of november. i give the books to grandparents for christmas every year and need to make sure i allow time for printing and shipping. this year my book is called life passes so fast, with an accompanying closing quote on the last page. sigh!
while i'm sure the book will be tweaked many times between now and the end of november, this is how it's looking so far...
a bit about my book-making process:
i design the book from scratch [no template].
11x13 landscape format.
hard cover and premium matte paper.
use booksmart via blurb.
every year is different (e.g. here's last year's layout).
include favorite photos from the year.
quotes to go with some of the photos.
words | thoughts about each child.
every book is unique.
and so very special.
in closing...
i beg you to get your digital files off your computer and printed.
on your walls.
in a book.
somewhere.
anywhere.
i'll be sharing another project i've been working on in a few days. just a couple more things to get done first.
another amazing year gone by.another year ahead to embrace.
grateful for every day i have on this earth.
to be with my family.
to share.
to love.
and simply be...
me.
and this year, i decided to make a list of 42 things i'd like to accomplish before my 43rd. so here we go...
the forty-two before forty-three list
1. rent an RV and travel across the country [or at least through a few states].
2. go camping.
3. organize my office better.
4. visit france [shoot with & learn from a photographer i so greatly admire].
5. deep clean the house.
6. take an iphone photo every day [for one month].
7. send hand-written thank yous.
8. visit someone new.
9. sew something.
10. make sure my husband knows how much i love and appreciate him.
11. make every sunday a no technology day.
12. apply to nursing grad school.
13. take an art history class [or at least begin studying].
14. play with my kids more.
15. wake up and journal every morning.
16. create a family grateful jar.
17. craft with the kids at least once a month.
18. shoot more underwater.
19. enroll in an ASL class with kiele.
20. be sure to appreciate and embrace every single day.
21. take a hop to germany.
22. write a letter to my mom. and my dad.
23. start [& I guess finish] my partial sleeve tattoo.
24. learn how to use my cameras or get rid of them [i have lots gathering dust].
25. mark at least one thing off of my to-do least every single day.
26. read a classic novel.
27. make a video of my kids.
28. commission someone to video our family.
29. start going to church (sky has been begging).
30. visit a new church [of varying religions] every month.
31. add yoga to my workout routine | schedule.
32. spend more time outside.
33. get a florida driver's license.
34. cross-stitch something special.
35. actually use the herbs from my little herb garden.
36. set [& stick to] specific business hours [computer off when shop is closed].
37. market my business better.
38. do a family trip to Hawaii [not sure france & hawaii can happen but still on the list].
39. make a list of things we want to do while stationed in florida.
40. volunteer at the nearby homeless shelter.
41. focus on the right important things.
42. dream big[ger].
i haven't gotten very far with my bucket list [that i wrote on my 40th] but i'm hoping i have quite a few many, many years ahead to get through that list [which no longer seems to be on my blog so i'm posting it again]. i guess if i could accomplish one or two a year and live to be 80, i could do okay with my bucket list.
the bucket list
1. study a foreign language
2. sponsor a student
3. sail the Americas
4. backpack through Europe
5. have a solo exhibition
6. ride a train
7. go on a roadtrip with no predetermined destination
8. take a cooking course
9. run a half marathon
10. learn to play the guitar
11. go white water rafting
12. go to oktoberfest in germany
13. teach my children what is really important in life
14. visit all 50 of the united states
15. attend and graduate a fine arts program
16. volunteer as a family
17. build a habitat for humanity home
18. give back at every stop as we sail the Americas
19. don’t ever forget to say thank you and I love you
20. visit and help maggie doyne in Nepal, for as long as she needs me
21. photograph an orphanage or children in need
22. watch my children grow up and fully support their doing what they love (no mater what that might be)
23. own an mid-century modern home
24. keep in touch with my kids (at least once a week), after they leave our house
25. start a parent support group
26. present at a national DHH convention
27. make a difference in someone’s life (i mean really make a difference)
28. celebrate each and every day
29. heal my past
30. have dreadlocks
31. embrace aging
32. make a video for my children
33. read for 30 minutes every day
34. learn about all the different religions
35. tell my husband how much I love and appreciate him each and every day
36. never go to bed angry
37. send a handwritten note to each person that has inspired or supported me
38. take a sign language course with kiele
39. remember and recognize birthdays
40. truly and deeply appreciate
p.s. i just can't believe i'm 42.
thank you to my kids, who took these photos, to celebrate my 42nd. :-))
and kiele's amazing birthday gift painting of me. could a mother wish for anything more for her birthday? i am so blessed!!
the other day, sky went with me to see what the evening light would be like at a specific location. i knew it got dark there quickly because of all the trees and wasn't sure if 5:30 PM was going to be too late for my shoot the following week. sky is my muse. completely. and i can't get enough of her although i respectfully try [and always make sure to thank her...over and over again].
from our looking for light adventure...
sky is my free-spirited one. the one who is, in many ways, my opposite. she definitely completes me and oh, i love her so!!
thank you courtney courtney for the fabulous dress and owl cardigan. we love them so!!
i've always loved crafty stuff [although when i recently texted my mom about what i loved to craft as a child, her response was, "you didn't like to do many things. you wanted to be with your friends and play."]. but, i remember loving to draw, doodle and cross-stitch...a lot. i also remember getting very frustrated with tangled threads, when cross-stitching. my mom later added that i did do a great job with those things. as an adult, i've cross-stitched, scrapbooked and quilted -- all for random short periods of time.
now, my kids so love crafting. they're drawing, painting and simply creating all the time. they have the best imaginations and the freeness to be...that only childhood offers.
well...pinterest has my crafting spirit really fired up. i feel the pull. and i long to start creating soon. very soon.
here's a few projects that are at the top of my list right now. projects that i long to get started on soon...very soon!
i love you collage [will take lots of time to collect all those letters. should start collecting today.]
and i recently asked steve to get my brand-new-unopened-year-old sewing machine out of our storage facility, which he did. it's now sitting in the corner of my bedroom, anxiously waiting for some attention.
bean bag chair cover [we have an ugly bean bag, which i would love to cover in some cool mod fabric.]
lounging mat [perfect for our hard wood floors and a couch that is too small for all five of us]
last time i got bit by the really crafty bug, i made these tents over the littles' beds [in our kansas house]. i hope someone who found them at goodwill appreciated them. we just didn't have the room in this house and i figured by the time we leave, the littles would be too old for these tents.
have you recently done a crafting project that you loved or are so excited about? if so, i'd love to hear about it. please share.
i did quite a bit of traveling this summer, which factored into my 2-1/2 month break slacking from crossfit and eating like shit. i am huge into the routine of working out and when things got thrown off, they REALLY got thrown off. and i had a hard time getting back into the swing of things. i really have no excuse for not working out because i could have visited any crossfit gym across the country or i could have created my own body-weight workout. anyways...i'm now officially back at it. i did crossfit this past friday and monday (i try to get to crossfit every M-W-F). monday's workout was...
1000 m row
50 thrusters
40 hand release push ups
30 1 arm snatches (15 each side)
20 burpees
10 pull ups
1000 m run
i about died. so, so hard. i could barely move yesterday, let alone walk. today, i am still crazy sore. so i decided to give myself another day to recover (as i'm still walking like an old lady) and didn't go to crossfit this morning. instead, i'm planning to do friday's crossfit workout and sunday's yoga class.
i've also started eating well again (at least much, much better than i was). i'm determined to get back to how i was feeling before -- mentally and physically.
i took these this morning. i had gotten ready for crossfit but after walking the kids (painfully) to school, i decided i was going to skip today and just did these pictures instead. here's my previous update (pre-working out and april 2011 photos), for comparison.
since i was so anxious to share my crossfit progress, i thought it equally important to share my falling off the wagon. i'm SO READY to start feeling great again!! i miss that feeling.
kiele's dad's grandma sadly passed away last week at age 92. great-grammy was such an amazing, amazing woman -- one of the kindest people i have ever met. but i don't think i could ever share more beautifully about great-grammy as kiele did in this letter (below), a letter that was to be read at great-grammy's service this past weekend.
Dear Great Grammy,
Time goes by without you realizing it until there are no more seconds left and the clock stops ticking. Many years have passed by and I’ve always cherished those few special moments when we could be together. Other times I let the days slip off my fingers just glad you're there, but not paying too much attention. I remember when you would come from your house and we’d walk down the road heading towards big rock. You asking me about school and would find nice little raspberries for the two of us to munch on. I was happy then and I’m still glad to have the memory. Even when I left the camps in Maine and was at my house we still maintained a little connection throughout the years. You would write me letters that I struggled to read, but still figured out what you meant. I’d write you back disappointed my handwriting couldn’t match yours and put your letters in a special place. The letters are still here -- old, wrinkled from time, and a treasure to keep always. When Great Grampy died, I felt for you and while shedding tears I began making a little story about how happy he was and about his life. I drew pictures of the events in a my little kitty notebook, waiting happily to send it to you as a birthday present. Not getting the ending finished, I never sent it. Something I will always regret. Those times from when I was little, to last year sculpting a butterfly for your birthday, and just about to write a letter to you before you passed away are some things I’m glad I was able to do for you. I really hope you had a great life. I think you did because when Brooke and I got persuaded by Dad to do an interview about your life, you sounded content about what happened. Even when you were little at a picnic with your family at a lake and swimming to the middle of the lake unconisously before realizing what was going on. Drowning, your dad rescued you and since then you’ve had a fear of water. To driving into Canada with your dad and sibilings to a little store to purchase root beer and enjoy the summer evenings. Explaining these, you were happy and satisfied with the results. You will remain in my heart and memory forever. Someone like you is not meant to be forgotten and blown away with the whispers of the wind. No, you shall stay with me...a spirit watching over all of us. Thank you for the adventures and sharing the story of your life with us. The words in your story will never be forgotten, from the beginning word to the ending chapter.
I love you and will miss you always Great Grammy.
Love you,
Kiele
kiele also wrote this poem, in remembering great-grammy...
One day I did happen to see
A trail of red ribbon like the sea
Astonished, I stepped towards it
The world became dark and moonlit
I stared up into the light
A voice of mind began a fight
Should I stay? Should I run?
Wide-eyed, I turned ashen
With a panic and dropped down
To watch myself begin to drown
The ashes floated away in the breeze
And soon I felt at ease
When the kind angel appeared
And up to Heaven I was steered
One day I did happen to see
A trail of red ribbon that set me free
as i re-read what kiele wrote, tears well. so proud of kiele, in writing such a heartfelt, poignant letter. remembering what an incredible woman great-grammy was. hoping that i can grow old as beautifully and gracefully as she did and that i, too, can pass on such wonderful memories to my great grandchildren.
note: i asked both kiele and mike if it was okay for me to share this photo and kiele's writings, before posting today.
...the real. where should i start?
okay, let's start with the good.
i had such an awesome time in both san diego and chicago. i got to hang out with lots of friends (old and new). i shot a ton, which of course, i love and i'm so, so grateful for all the families who entrusted me with their photographs. i'm all caught up on mail and bill paying after two weeks away. i just read this post by the awesome tara whitney. reading that poem makes my heart so happy (tara also recently shared this awesome post). i'm now back home with my family!! YAY!! and i was recently interviewed by lensbaby and the interview went live a few days ago (so, so exciting, even if i do sound a bit like minnie mouse).
the bad and ugly.
so it's really not THAT bad or THAT ugly but...
i'm 12 sessions in the hole and trying to crawl my way out. but it's slow going. very slow going. i need to unpack. i have to clean, do laundry and grocery shop. i have a shit-load of emails to respond to, but i seem to have become an expert procrastinator with that right now. i need to finish writing something for another photographer (promised i'd get it to her tonight). i need to return phone calls. and well...there's much more where that came from. yes...after two weeks away, i'm trying not to feel overwhelmed. every now and then, i feel it sneaking up on me, trying to creep into my soul. but i keep fighting it. shaking it off.
to top things off, i haven't worked out in 2-1/2 months and have been eating like total shit, which isn't helping me feel very good right now. i've gained five pounds, feel fluffy and overall just feel yucky. i'm back to crossfit three times a week, starting tomorrow. i also decided that i'm going to take a couple photos like this tomorrow morning because it's only fair. i want to keep being real and not just share about my health and fitness when the going is good. it's not going to be pretty strong and healthy, but it will be real.
i sit here blogging as i'm transferring photo files from my laptop to my main computer. i'm trying to i WILL resist all temptation to visit facebook, pinterest and twitter because each of those usually equates to a major time-suck. i'm trying to keep focused, prioritize and work hard, knowing that eventually it will all get done. i also need to keep myself in check that once my kids are home from school, work stops. i am theirs -- all theirs!! work doesn't resume until after they go to bed and then it's back at it...
tackling
one
to-do
item
at
a
time.
hope this doesn't come across as complaining. it's just life. and i'm grateful for every bit of it -- the good and the not-so-good.
