grateful

so grateful for the magical gifts i received last week from one of my clients. francesca emailed me this so kind, heartfelt note, after seeing her photos...

deb, we all can learn to take pictures by reading manuals, going to workshops, using photoshop. but what you do... you CAN'T learn. it's in you. it's the power to understand the little glimpses of bliss that can show up on a daily basis. it's SEEING what, as mothers and fathers, we feel in our hearts. as I told you before, you gave me the pictures that I carry in my soul but now I can print them :) hope you get back two-fold what you give to people like me. and its not just the pictures.

and then i got this hand drawn beautiful portrait in the mail of...ME.  :-) notice the awesome beads at the bottom of my dreads.  and i so love the heart on my dress and my colorful camera...along with being surrounded by hearts and flowers.  who could wish for anything more?!

here's a few photos from our session together, in chicago.

their middle child is their wonderfully spirited one [with the best dimples ever] and i so love the face she gave me in the photo on the right.

and you can read some of francesca's thoughts about our time together here.

francesca, thank you for entrusting me with your family's photographs. thank you for your hospitality. thank you for your kindness. can't wait until the next time!! ;-) xo.

behind the scenes

as many of you probably already know, i'm pretty obsessed with underwater shooting.  so i thought i'd share a couple behind-the-scenes photos and thoughts. shooting underwater is WAY tougher than it seems.  i use equinox housing, which is large and heavy (originally designed for diving videography and photography), but the quality and security of the housing is amazing.

my friend, emily, who was visiting me last week said,

"you couldn't pay me enough to photograph underwater!"

although she did so-graciously oblige to be my underwater subject a time or two, while here.  :-))

here i am in our backyard pool (photo courtesty of emily corey), being held down by ryder, while photographing underwater.  i think i'm going to have to invest in a weight belt, to keep me down, in the very near future.  and a swim cap for my dreads.  it takes my dreads eight-plus hours to dry every time they get wet.  it's kind of like having a wet dog wrapped around your head and neck for eight hours...not fun!!

and most of my dresses have now made their way into my pool.  steve's bike has became my drying rack.

and a new 'flooded reverie' image from last week...

and a photo of em and lu, while they were visiting.  capturing this photo of em reaching out her hands to lu makes my heart so incredibly happy (they waited a long time for their precious little girl).

super exciting things on the forefront with this underwater adventure.  hoping to share some news and updates VERY soon.

where have all my babies gone?

my friend, steph, is a brilliant writer and photographer and today she posted THIS on the creative mama.  tears strolled down my cheeks as i read her words and thought about my own kids (and no steph, i'm not PMSing). kiele started high school this year. sky is in third grade. and my baby, ryder, is now in first grade (and for some reason, a first grader just seems so much older than a kindergardener).

my babies aren't babies anymore and... i ache at the thought that i am no longer cool in kiele's eyes or that she would rather spend time in her cave than with the family.  i ache at the thought of skyler no longer wanting me to kiss or hug her in front of her classmates. i ache at the thought of ryder not asking me to snuggle with him or him not coming into my bed in the middle of the night.  the thought of my last baby no longer being my baby makes me want to throw up.

how is this happening?  so quickly?  where did the time go?

not long ago, i saw this photo of my friend, heather, with her youngest, who is about ryder's age.  i now long for such a photo of ryder and i.  i can barely hold him anymore (he's so big) and before long, that will be gone too.

above image copyright heather starr

don't get me wrong, i do celebrate the wonderful children my babies have grown to be, but i can't help but think about how quickly the time has passed and the memories i hold onto so tightly.

in closing, i share a few recent photos of my babies...

sky and ryder yesterday, their first day of school

i wasn't able to get a photo of kiele yesterday because she was running late and had to rush off to school to test all her cochlear implant equipment before the other students started arriving in the classroom.  however, i was able to get a photo of part of her teenage cave.  ;-))

and the little ones' shoes.  couldn't help it.  every year, we have major shoe drama (too big, too tight, not bendy enough, hurts my pinky toe, etc.). also, i love their independence in selecting their own clothes. check out sky's rolled down striped socks (selecting their own clothes in the morning is something i have always encouraged).  oh...and...sky's knees are pretty darn cute too.

note:  we're actually headed to payless this afternoon because the shoe drama continued this morning.

and the dog, who is hard as hell to photograph, makes a mess of my doors and anxiously awaits their return home every day.

max's angels

the first time i photographed max and his siblings (april 2008), i saw this angel in the clouds, immediately after our session together.

yesterday, max's dad emailed me about how their family saw this angel in the clouds, while on a vacation in mammoth a couple weeks ago.  andy wrote about it all here.

chills.  serious chills.

+++

i also wanted to share this post written yesterday by my friend, amy boring -- if i could turn back time.

i hope you'll take a few minutes to not only read a bit about max and all that his parents are currently doing to raise money for neuroblastoma research, but also amy's blog post.  i promise...it will be time well spent.

when friends come to visit...

i truly cherish my friends. and my dear friend emily and her daughter, lu, came to visit for the past three days. while we didn't really make it any further than my house, we had the most incredible, fun time together!! a few photos from the past few days...

em and lu, i love you so.  can't wait for the next time.  xo.

and NOW...it's back to that long to-do list.  ugh.

last glimpse of light

yesterday was not the best day. at all. but it ended more beautifully than i could have dreamed (despite the ridiculous heat, humidity and amount of mosquitoes). i wish i could have kept shooting, but this was it -- the last few shots before the light was gone.  sigh...my heart is happy.  and i so love my job.  i know i always say it, but truly...i am blessed.

nikon D3, 35mm, f/2.0, 1/100, ISO 3200

ETA:  the last shot makes my heart ache.  ache for photos of me with my own children.  i can barely hold ryder anymore; he's so big.  he still wants to snuggle (most of the time) but i know the days are numbered.  sigh...to look back on the photographs. on the memories that the camera captured.  memories that my mind has trouble holding onto.  longing...

maui | part three

visits with old friends.meeting new friends. lunch and shopping at the super cool town of paia. gin and tonics with cucumber and mint. photo session on fleming beach. steve... kite boarding lessons. times two. early morning snorkeling at molokini crater. clear water. lots of fish, an eel and seven sea turtles. an incredible last-night's dinner at nick's fish house. and through it all, i feel so blessed to have experienced the most amazing reconnection with my husband. i never want to forget our time spent together in maui.

steve, thank you for loving me!!

and now... on to vail, for the awesome NAPCP retreat.  so excited to be speaking on the 27th.

spreading goodwill

Traditionally, prayer flags are used to promote peace, compassion, strength, and wisdom. The flags do not carry prayers to gods, a common misconception; rather, the Tibetans believe the prayers and mantras will be blown by the wind to spread the good will and compassion into all pervading space. Therefore, prayer flags are thought to bring benefit to all.

- wikipedia

when i was in wisconsin, i stayed at my dear friend, julie's house.  shortly after arriving, we had gone outside to look at julie's incredible garden and i noticed the prayer flags hanging from her front port.  later in the day, i mentioned how awesome it would be to have prayer flags at the fischer family's session (thinking maybe we could pick some up before the shoot).  the next thing i know...the prayer flags are down and ready to go with us to the shoot.

i absolutely love that we were able to have prayer flags with us at the fischer family's session.  i love it even more that they were worn from their days of dancing in the wind at julie's house.

i now long for prayer flags, to grace the front porch of my own house... prayer flags to flutter in the wind... prayer flags to bring good energy, luck and happiness... prayer flags to spread blessings and goodwill to those around.

i've been asking friends what they know about prayer flags and looking around.  while i'd love to make my own flags, i just know that that's not happening anytime soon.  so far, i've found...

these tibetan prayer flags, sold on amazon and here. or these prayer flags on etsy.  i'm a bit partial to the happiness-themed flags.

if you know a great place to purchase prayer flags or have any additional insight, i'd love to hear about it.

also, i just came across this PDF article on prayer flags, which i plan on reading later tonight.  seems like a great read.

ETA:  for anyone that might be offended because the prayer flags touched the ground, please know that at the time of these photos, i had no idea that prayer flags are not to touch the ground.  i had the absolute best of intentions in bringing them to the session and photographing them, with the fischer family.  i will never let that happen again, now that i am aware.

also, my friend, wendy, just shared this with me:

i do prayer flags with mighty girl...their flags fly to encourage the girls that come after them. i ripped an old white bed sheet into squares and give them fabric markers. http://mightygirlart.blogs​pot.com/2010/05/wind-horse​s-arriving.html

and after seeing this flag, created by nina beana, on the mighty girl art site... i'm feeling the strong need to make my own flags. a family project. designing, dreaming, gathering, creating, sewing...together as a family. my new (year old) sewing machine has been waiting for something like this, to finally make it's presence, from out of the box.  YES, our august pre-school project -- prayer flags.

i heart mr. fischer

i  think i met terri when i reached out to her about her dreads.  but i actually might have met her (pre-dreads) because of her wonderful film photography. can't really remember (because i have a terrible memory).  but i do know that we became friends on facebook.  i always knew she was special.  and then terri and julie came to visit me last year, in kansas. and our friendship has just continued to grow. yes, she really is that special...and more. a few weeks ago, terri shared the news that tom was diagnosed with a slow-growing follicular lymphoma. while slow-growing might sound better, it's actually not.  it means it's been around longer.  and often tougher to combat.  six rounds of chemo are in tom's immediate future.  he begins round two tomorrow.

as soon as i heard of tom's diagnosis, i knew i had to get out there, to photograph the fischer family.  to capture all the magic that they are.  i tried to get out there immediately after i heard but lots of factors prevented me from doing so. but last weekend, everything fell into place (much thanks to the women of the witches brew) and i was able to travel to wisconsin to photograph the fischer family.

i'm not really sure how to do justice to the amazing family that they are.  but i'm hoping that photos will show what i am not able to put into words...

I LOVE YOU FISCHER FAMILY!!

also, please check out terri's t-shirts, for sale on etsy. she's saving the money to send tom on a dream-come-true fly fishing trip in alaska...once he's in remission and has beaten this beast (like seriously kicked it's ass kind of beaten). we HAVE to believe that that is the way this will all end up, right?!!!

i'm a proud owner of both an "i heart mr. fischer" t-shirt and a goddess t-shirt.  it's obvious how cool the t-shirts are but they're also seriously great quality.  i love my t-shirts.

a special thanks to julie, who opened up her house to me, while in WI...and drove me everywhere.  you are such a magical soul.  thank you for your friendship.  thank you for everything.

p.s. cancer fucking sucks!!

are you my mother?

sweet baby bird so innocentso beautiful and wise the future rests within your sights hope fills your tiny eyes your body warmed by fluffy down shields your heart from the rain rest softly on the leaves of brown your life has much to gain. - jill eisnaugle

before i photographed the fischer family in wisconsin, i really wanted to meet tom and the kids. so sunday morning, we met at a park playground. i wasn't sure if i should, but decided to bring my camera with me to the playground. little did i know that there would be a couple of children there, with a sweet little baby bird.

while baby bird might have thought this fabulous nest of brown was the perfect fit, sadly it just couldn't be so. i'm not sure what happened to the baby bird but i sure hope he was able to make it to rest softly on leaves of brown.

more tomorrow on the fischer family and my special days shared with them.

i ♥ mr. fischer!!

the everyday

as much as i hate the mess, i absolute love and cherish my kids' imaginary play.  i think the littles learned it from their big sister.  she's the pro at it. although...they were watching sponge bob at the time of this photo.  hence, the not-so-imaginary trance.

yesterday, i was here, spending the day with this awesome friend.

tonight, i will be in the fields of wisconsin.  photographing a most incredible and magical family tomorrow.  can't wait, but i'm a wee bit nervous too.

folly beach * smile *

two weeks ago, i met my friend, em, and her daughter, at folly beach, SC. a mini-vacation, of sorts. we went for the break. to have fun with our kids. but it was also so much more. it was a magical weekend of sharing, challenging, reflection and growth -- as friends.  as photographers. part of our time together was my photographing em. challenging her. challenging myself.

it's not often that i have the opportunity to photograph adults.  it's not often that em is in front of the camera.  last time i tried to photograph emily (when i did her family's photos about a year ago), all she could do was stand there and giggle.  of course, we did still end up with a few giggles because laughter is so much of who em is.  but we also ended up with so much more.

i hope that i never stop challenging myself. learning and growing and...exploring what's possible.  i hope that i can always say and truly believe that my journey in photography has only just begun!

my dream is to one day hook up with a model or two, makeup artist and stylist and see what happens.  i know it will happen...some day!!

thanks em for trusting me and allowing me to capture all the beauty that you are -- inside and out.  can't wait until the next time.  xo.

never lose hope

a couple days ago, i wrote an article about giving back on the creative mama blog. today, i listened to her voice (see max mikulak post, third down) on the new york times. and i hope you'll take 2 minute and 38 seconds and listen too.

it's hard for me to believe that max passed away almost three years ago. i miss him.

please take some time to explore max's site.  and if you'd like to donate (every penny helps), you can do so here, on max's ring of fire.

in a week, i fly to wisconsin, to photograph a friend's family.  her husband is beginning his battle with lymphoma. he's in his thirties and they have four young children.  i can't wait to capture their magic and all that they are, as a family!!

please... give back and never lose hope.

angels among us

most people don't know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable and fall asleep and miss your life. - storypeople

just returned from the most amazing, magical weekend in park city, utah. the kind of weekend where you laugh so hard, you cry. the kind of weekend that feeds your soul more than you could have imagined. the kind of weekend where you can hardly believe the amount of beauty that surrounds you. the kind of weekend where all you keep thinking about is how incredibly blessed and lucky you are!!

and i'm so not exaggerating!!  now...it's back to editing. through the wee hours of the night. for many, many, many days ahead. more to come but have some serious catching up to do first!

also, super excited that travel sessions are filling up, for september -- san diego, NY and chicago. please make sure to inquire soon, if interested.

VA, here i come

yep, i'm off to virginia beach, VA. actually by the time this launches, i will already be on my flight. while there, i'll be photographing this family. baby scout is now six months old, with a full head of fabulous hair, and my friend, steph, is now rockin' an awesome, new pixie cut.

and this family. not sure if peanut will be included again this time, but i do know that she is lou's precious baby.  it was 30 degrees when we did the photo below.  looking forward to the predicted 60s. hoping to dodge saturday's rain/thunder/wind forecast.

along with photographing a few families, who i am super excited to meet, one of them being in OBX!!

i'm home tuesday evening and then headed to san diego on thursday, for family fun and more client shoots.

being grateful

i love this womani am grateful for this woman and all she shares with us she reminds me what it means to be good and grateful and not-so-serious in this crazy, mixed up world of ours

while in kansas, i started a grateful 365 project. to be completely honest, something went off course and i never finished. and then we moved. and then i was sent really off course. but seeing hailey's video has me longing to start another one. although i'm taking the daily pressure off and simply calling it my 'grateful project'. can't wait to see what comes of it.

how can anyone ever go wrong with a project that reminds them of all they have to be grateful for...each and every day.

hope you enjoy the video...

please don't forget to check out their 365 grateful site -- 365grateful.com

last but not least, here's a few photos from my 2010 (iphone) grateful project...

the beaty family | coming home

i had already blogged about lifetime's new show, coming home, which features military homecoming stories, here.  but last night's episode (episode 2  | daddy's little girl) featured the beaty family's homecoming. if you missed it, no worries, you can watch the full episode here.  the beaty family is on episode 2 (daddy's little girl) and starts about a third of the way in.

love them so!!

some of my favorite photos from the beaty family's homecoming...

coming home | debut

last december, i had the most amazing opportunity to photograph the beaty family homecoming. mike was deployed for seven months and their daughter, scout, was born while mike was gone (two months before his return).  they also have two boys -- four and two years old.  yes, steph is a super woman!! and lifetime television was there too... to record the beaty family reunion, for their new series Coming Home, debuting this sunday at 10 PM EST.

here's the series trailer:

being a military family, i can't wait to watch this series. brings tears to my eyes just watching the trailer!!

i hope you'll watch!

steph isn't sure which week her family will be on the show. i'll be sure to keep you posted on any updates i receive.

here's some of my favorite photos from their homecoming...

surround yourself

friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.- author unknown

i feel so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing, inspiring, encouraging, supportive people.  the kind of people who i can openly share with, get me thinking and keep me on my toes.  today, i messaged with a friend for hours. this was a bit of our conversation...

...how did i get here. how am i living my dream. how are people buying my vision? how am i an artist-- exactly as i wanted to be... and having done nothing to be that. how long can i keep this up? how the fuck do i do this seriously and be serious about it, without it eating me up and shrinking me away. how do i deal with the anxiety of not being able to say no, and always feeling the stress of fear of disappointing people.

learning. each and every time. amazing people surrounding me. amazing clients...

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how do i deal with the anxiety of...can i keep producing? what happens if the magic just stops happening? if it stops coming my way? because clearly this is all magic? because it just happened. i mean i had to work hard but how did i end up here? it was just a dream. but now it's here and i don't want to wake up. how far will this take me? is it to a place that's even bigger than i ever dreamt?

no matter what though, i will embrace each and every opportunity that comes my way. i will never forget to be grateful. i will never forget to give back.

because in the end, this is a dream come true...something i will never take it for granted. i am truly and deeply blessed in so many ways and this wouldn't be possible without my family. yes...grateful and blessed!!

learning...always. growing. believing. facing fears. moving forward. loving those who surround me and encourage me. amazing. amazing journey for sure!!

i can't even begin to tell you how much her conversation meant to me today. how much i cherish each and every conversation with my friends.

we all have a choice of who surround us.  i hope you choose to be surrounded by those who inspire, support and encourage you. because when you surround yourself with authentic, honest friendships, it's a truly, truly beautiful...and powerful thing!!

photo from when i first began studying photography (early 2006).  kiele and her best friend, natalie.  it's probably the toughest thing about being a military family...having to watch your children say good-bye to their best friend(s) over and over again.  however, i'm so grateful for phone, email, facebook, skype, etc., which allows them to easily keep in touch. hoping kiele and nat will see each other again soon.

for the love of letters

this past weekend was a magical weekend, for sure. a weekend full of new friends -- sharing, dreaming, laughing, exploring. but i'm back home now...my second home, here in san diego. away from my husband and kids, but still surrounded by people i love.

i've been texting and emailing my husband, about this and that, throughout the day today. along with letting him know how much i love him and wishing him a happy valentine's day.

and then i get an email, from an NBC producer, sharing a few links from today's NBC nightly news. in a roundabout way, i had a part in two of their 'for the love of letters' stories. so now i sit hear with tears strolling down my cheeks, listening to these incredible stories.

i SO believe in the power and magic of a handwritten note!!!  i hope you enjoy these stories as much as i did...

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

happy valentine's day!