2010? that's crazy. i remember 2000 like yesterday, although not really because i have a terrible, terrible memory. but seriously, i can't believe it's 2010 tomorrow.
as every year comes to a close, i think about how seriously blessed i am. and this year is no exception. it's been absolutely amazing! my life is so full. and fricken awesome. i'm so thankful--both personally and professionally.
on the brink of 2010, i was thinking of my goals for next year (just a start and in no particular order)--
be more present for my family (i.e. get off the computer).
challenge myself professionally.
shoot my kids' everyday lives more.
get back to regularly working out (and feeling good again or as mary would say, not feeling fluffy).
live each and every day to the fullest.
give more.
begin to journal.
i can't wait to see where 2010 takes my family and i. the one thing we know for sure...it will be elsewhere. and that, in itself, is pretty darn exciting.
thank you to everyone, who has supported deb schwedhelm photography and | or my family. i appreciate it more than i could ever express in words. i don't think my family would be together right now, if it wasn't for some of the blog comments i received during that time of indecision.
here's to 2010--a fabulous year full of love, peace, health and happiness!
and in celebration of an incredible 2009, i share a some of my favorite personal and client photographs from the year.
and somewhere in between. our next assignment is...tampa, florida!!
so here's the deal --
steve is penciled in for a three year tour at macdill AFB in tampa, FL. however, pencils do have erasers and that's the reality of military assignments. nothing is ever a 100% sure thing, but we are pretty darn sure. take that for what you will. that's basically what i do. when steve told me, i was like
are you sure?
so does that mean we're actually going?
your name is officially attached to that job?
it's kind of, sort of a sure thing?
you're really sure?!
his reply,
right.
one issue is that steve and the other guy's (the one steve is replacing) timing doesn't coincide, so we're not exactly sure when we're moving. best guess is sometime between june and september; however, the kids and i will for sure be there prior to 2010 school starting. the detailer said that he should be able to cut orders for steve (hard copy versus penciled in) the end of january. that will be that much firmer. our plan is to go to tampa during spring break to look for (and hopefully) buy a house.
actually now that i'm typing this...not moving in june would complicate things a bit because we really need to rent our KS house out in june (when the next class arrives). so it would probably be best that the kids and i left in june, even if steve can't. he would probably just rent an apartment or something until he could assume the job in tampa. aye!
i've already researched schools (the first thing i always do when PCSing) and south tampa has some really great ones, which is a huge relief. i'm not so worried about kiele anymore, since her transcription services are now so well established on her IEP (beyond california). it will happen. and if by some chance the school chose to challenge kiele's IEP, i'll be in court until kiele receives transcription (without a doubt, we would win!! i really am that confident about it at this point.).
it's crazy that i've lived in:
detroit, MI
washington DC
biloxi, MS
tucson, AZ
ft walton beach, FL (where i met steve)
whidbey island, WA
san diego, CA
lansing, KS
and soon...tampa, FL.
we're super excited, as we've heard nothing but fantastic things about south tampa. normally i would say that i'm dreading the humidity because of my curly hair that i straighten every day, which turns yucky-frizzy-curly in the humidity but...my dreads have pretty much remedied that issue.
in celebration of getting back to the warm and the beach, i share some of my fav beach photos from 2009.
i meant to share this TIME article quite a while ago. i had read it in november, while at kiele's last cochlear implant appointment. it's such a great, super interesting, slightly controversial article. if you don't have the time to read it right now, print it. and read it later. totally worth the time to read. so much to think about.
and then today, i came across this blog post. i wasn't aware of this blog before, but will definitely be following it from here on out.
i have to admit. i totally believe in free-range parenting. and i'm not afraid to discipline my children in public either. even if the old man in line behind me at the commissary disagrees with my public nose-in-the-corner disciplining for a purposely squished loaf of bread and tells me that i'm going to damage my children forever. my response:
i'm sorry you don't agree with my disciplining of my children. but i have a well-behaved, kind, loving, good-natured 12 year-old, who seems to be doing just fine...and she was disciplined.
my free-range kids, who surprised me with this snowman a couple weeks ago...
every time you photograph someone, you tell them, 'you're important enough to remember.' make the most of it.
What if we, as portrait photographers, approached every session this way? How would it effect our interactions with our subjects, and therefore our work?
When you point your lens toward another person, you are telling them that they noteworthy; that of all the people in the world, they alone have your attention at this moment in time. You have the golden and rare opportunity to transform the simple act of photographing a person, into the forming of a human connection that didn’t exist before.
Challenge yourself to make all of your subjects feel important. Be generous with yourself. Slow down. Learn something significant about each of your subjects, whether they’re two years old, or eighty-two years old. Make a connection. Remember always that you get what you give.
i try and read cheryl's words often...and really think about them, which is why i end up posting about her quite a bit (she's just so darn inspiring). she has so much wisdom to share. and...she's willing to share!! i don't want to just read her words and think they're great; i want to truly embrace them.
through reading cheryl's writings, i'm always encouraged to investigate myself as a photographer...
why do i do what i do?
what kind of photographer do i want to be?
what kind of photography do i want to offer?
what does it all mean to me?
what is reallyimportant?
i deeply hope that each and every one of my clients can say that they had a great time and felt respected and important and...that they received photographs that they love and will cherish for a very, very long time.
this photograph is from my first client session--and a photograph that will forever be one of my favorites (and hopefully the client's too). it's also a photograph that i brought to cheryl jacob's workshop, for review, back in 2006, shortly after launching my photography business.
hi! i'm seriously interested in you doing our family's photos this year.
really? no way. i seriously love your work.
the session was scheduled. and then rescheduled twice, due to weather (something i'm not really used to happening, having relocated from san diego and all). but thank goodness...because the session finally happened yesterday and it was such a fabulous, fabulous day. michelle and family drove four hours for me to do their session. needless to say, i was beyond flattered. actually, it went more like this...
i can't believe she wants me to do her family's photographs.
oh man, i'm so nervous. i really hope i don't fuck these up.
i hope she's happy with what i show her.
i still can't believe she wants me to do her photos.
it's hard photographing a fellow photographer's family, especially one you so admire. it's funny because you look at other photographers' work, with admiration for what they produce....knowing it's different than yours. sometimes it makes you question what you produce.
over the days, i went back and forth thinking...
i don't shoot like her. will she be happy with the way i shoot...with what i show her? how will i pull this off?
but in the end, i realized (again) that i have to be confident in myself and what i produce. i am not everyone else. i am me! and i know that i'm being wholeheartedly true to myself and giving each and every client (fellow photographer or not) all i have to give.
yesterday was a magical connection (one that i'll blog more about tomorrow) and some of my favorite photographs ever.
i'm grateful for opportunities like this. so very thankful...that she trusted me, to do this for her. so very, very blessed to be doing what i love (although sometimes i still can't believe it :-).
there comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:this is me damn it!
i look the way i look, think the way i think, feel the way i feel, love the way i love!
i am a whole, complex package.
take me...or leave me.
accept me...or walk away!
do not try and make me feel like less of a person, just because i don't fit your idea of who i should be.
and don't try to change me to fit your mold.
if i need to change, i alone will make that decision.
when you are strong enough to love yourself !00%, good and bad--you will be amazed by the opportunities that life presents you.
- stacey charter
the other day, i so longed to shoot for me--to create images that emerge from my soul. with the goal of pleasing no one else but me. selfish? i guess. needed? absolutely. as a portrait photographer, i'm commissioned by families, to shoot for them. while i always stay true to my style and a part of me is infused into each and every photograph, in the end, i'm still shooting for them.
so on monday, while the little ones were at gymnastics, kiele and i went to go find a location to shoot. thankfully she was game to shoot too. having a specific shot in mind, as i usually do when shooting for me, i desired a forest-looking location. we found one cool woodsy area, but not the right light. then behind a building, i noticed the perfect little spot--weeds, trees and great light. there even seemed to be a bit of a matted path, which made it easy to walk further into the woods. so i parked behind the building and began shooting kiele in the weeds. soon thereafter, i noticed these men smoking on the side of the building. clearly, they were employees. kiele and i followed the path a bit further into the woods when all of a sudden i hear,
hello.
helllllooo.
(whistle. whistle.)
hellooooo.
(whistle. whistle.)
i'm not sure why, but my initial thought was that it was some kids and we needed to go. the keys were in the car, along with my purse...and everything else.
kiele. come on. hurry. come on.
of course, she couldn't hear me because i had put her implant in my pocket, while shooting. so pulling her along...camera in my hand and kiele with raven mask on, we appear from the woods and two men (aka DHL employees) are looking in my car (they had opened my passenger door). they told me that i'm not allowed to park on their property and i have to leave immediately. i had parked in the very back, right next to the woods, where there was nothing...no parking spots, nothing.
i shared a few words with them and left, hoping that i had gotten what i longed for.
and i did.
these make my heart happy.
p.s. my fav image of the three is the last one. i'm planning to go out again to do different shots, focusing on the nest (no mask). we found the nest at the apple orchard, while apple picking. it had fallen out of one of the apple trees and was sitting empty next to a tree. i love it so.
kansas has allowed me time to just be, think and dream. and i've been dreaming (and talking) about a few photography projects that i would love to start working on. and to work on projects, i need people willing to participate (beyond my own children, who aren't always the most willing).
here's what i'm looking and hoping for: children, ages 5-12.
the casting calls will:
- be free of charge
- will require a model release
- be focused on capturing one or two images
all participants will receive 5x7 prints of all edited images.
who knows where this project will go. for the moment, i just keep dreaming of what's possible...and dreaming big!
if interested, please email me with your child's photograph(s) and availability.
i believe in choosing our family of intention - our friends, our tribe, our soul sisters. for me, this all started when i was 12 years old, when i met gina, when i began to understand that friendship had the ability to make us feel settled and at home in our spirits no matter what else was happening in our lives. and that our friendships - the people we choose to surround ourselves with - gracefully hold the divide between all the experiences we travel through in our lives.- kelly rae roberts
oh these words of kelly's... they resonate in my soul. deep to the core. i can't even begin to share how important my friends are to me and how much i cherish my amazing friendships. as one of my best friend's steph says, my childhood was rather "unconventional"...i no longer talk to my sister or my dad. and i talk to my mom on rare occasion. it's not something i'm proud of; it actually makes me sad, but it's the way it has come to be. but i think that is the reason why my friendships mean even that much more...they truly are, as kelly describes it, my family of intention. i hold them close. and tight. they are part of me. they are my family!
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when we lived in san diego, we lived next to the hasson family, for about six months. during the time, kiele and nat, developed a friendship that was beyond special--deeper and more mature than most eight- and ten-year-old friendships. the hasson family ended up moving to FL and then to HI...and through the distance and their time apart, kiele and nat continue as BFFs, stronger than ever. if you saw this post, you know that one of the things kiele wants for christmas is to see natalie (they haven't seen each other since mid-2007). it was in 2007 that i took these photos of kiele and nat--a storyboard which still graces kiele's book case, front and center.
if you haven't seen kelly rae's artwork, you must check it out. she offers the most incredible and inspiring products--necklaces, prints, stationery, books, and original artwork. you can find it all here.
and you can read more about kelly's post on her BFF and friendship here.
to my friends, my tribe, my soul sisters...
i love you.
i adore you.
and i will forever be grateful for you.
that's what the subject of the email was, when she emailed me this. leah is one of the greatest friends a girl could ask for--someone who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. beautiful to the core.
i hope that you will take a few minutes to read the women's stories in this article. each is beautiful. truly and deeply beautiful...and inspirational. i have no doubt that you will relate to at least one of the stories...or at a minimum, it will pull at your heart strings.
in closing, i leave you with this question...
what honestly makes you feel beautiful?
i'll be sharing some of my thoughts on beauty, in a post next week.
p.s. the photographs in the article are by a woman and photographer i so admire--the amazing mary ellen mark. i attended a mary ellen mark workshop the beginning of this year, which was awesome. and i was so fortunate to have been able to have breakfast and dinner (and incredible conversations) with her each day. she really is an incredible woman. and as leah said, the photos in the article are absolutely lovely.
i'm honored. and so excited. recently, one of my photographs was selected for the center for fine art photography's 2009 international exhibition of fine art photography--an exhibition jurored by andy adams.
the show, in ft collins, colorado, starts today and will run through october 31st. i was hoping to attend today's opening reception but unfortunately i'm not able to...but still hoping to see the show sometime later this month.
you can see all the exhibition's selected photographs here.
could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?- henry david thoreau
i met marcina through max's family last year. and from the moment i met her, i knew there was something special. there was just this beauty and essence about her. you could see it. you could feel it. an then i learned her story...
two years ago (in november), neil was taking their daughter, kendra, to a screening in LA. kendra had been acting for years. at the end of the day, he began throwing up and thought he had food poisoning. he felt he was okay to drive home to san diego but things got worse and he had to pull over at a gas station, to throw up again. shortly after that, marcina got a call from kendra,
mommy, daddy's really sick, we're on the side of the freeway and he is now sleeping and has thrown up all inside the car.
they were on the side of the highway, with neil in and out of sleep. with marcina's mom on the phone with kendra the entire time, to help her feel safe, and marcina's dad on the computer mapquesting and directing marcina to neil's location...marcina was on her way, driving into miles of heavy traffic. luckily, kendra was able to read a few signs out the window, to help determine exactly where they were. when marcina arrived, neil was asleep and kendra scared but safe. they drove back to san diego and marcina put neil into bed. after continuing to vomit and sleep throughout the following day, marcina decided to take neil to the emergency room that night.
they sat in the waiting room for a bit and then neil was called back to be seen. thirty minutes later, a nurse came out and asked kendra if she would like to come with her to color. a few minutes later, two doctors take marcina in the opposite direction, to tell her that neil is very, very sick and most likely would not live through the night. they encouraged marcina to notify family and that she and kendra should say their final good-byes. this was the beginning of their seven-month journey on an emotional and painful rollercoaster...
over the next seven months, neil most likely had a stroke and suffered a brain bleed. he underwent four brain surgeries, infections, two weeks in a coma, months in the hospital and now has a prosthetic bone flap and front skull. the family was told three different times that neil would not live and that if he did, he would most likely have physical challenges and brain damage.
well today, neil is alive and doing fabulous. while he still has very vivid dreams from his days in a coma and continues to be closely monitored, if you met him, you would have no idea what he went through. you see no scars. he has no lingering ill effects (that are apparent to me).
the C family has the most amazing love for one another and outlook on life. and needless to say, neil being alive today is a miracle.
but there's more to this story. the first time i photographed the C family was last november. originally they were scheduled for 2009, but i happened to have a cancellation. after we were done shooting and marcina was sharing with me how thankful she was to be able to get in on a cancellation, she suddenly realized that the shoot was on the same day as neil's first brain surgery--an anniversary of sorts. and it is for that very reason that the photo below is so much more than just a photo for them. and it's a photo that almost didn't happen...
their entire session was super overcast, until the very moment of this shot. we were walking back to the car and i noticed the sun had come out. when i looked at kendra and saw the halo of light surrounding her, i said that she looked like an angel and asked if we could take a few more shots. little did i know at the time how important and magical the photos would end up being.
i also wanted to share a bit more about what kendra is currently working on. she's 10 years old now and has recently written and is going to be recording a song, voices of the children. the producer is already working with the band and hopefully kendra will be recording in a few weeks, with the release date anticipated to be the end of the year. kendra has decided that she will donate a portion of the proceeds to two children's charities: casa de amparo and childhelp.
one of the goals of last weekend's session was to get a photo for kendra's CD cover. this one is my favorite.
it is always such a joy to see them, as each of them is amazingly beautiful inside and out, with a zest for life that is unmatched. i am truly blessed to know them!!
ETA: neil was officially diagnosed with a cerebral hemorrhage (bleed). to this day, they do not know what caused this to happen. the first night in the hospital, his blood pressure was around 250/150. however, they can't say definitively that that is what caused the hemorrhage.
one of the most tragic things about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. we are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.- dale carnegie
i had driven by this field of weeds every day, since the kids started school. passing by the pillowy blanket of weeds, i dreamt of the possibilities of shooting there. and then this past weekend, i awoke to the most magical fog and asked the kids if we could go do a few photos.
no, they answered. we're playing.
please, just a few, i begged.
and with a bit of persuasion from their father, the girls agreed. ryder agreed at first, but in the end, he decided he'd have much more fun building with daddy, who's finishing a fifth bedroom in our house.
and so it was. the girls and i. in this magical field of weeds on this magical kind of kansas day.
it's weird moving like we do--here, there and everywhere. we just go where and when we're told. a life that we're rather accustomed to.
i consider ourselves so blessed to have lived in san diego for the 4 1/2 years that we did--miles of beaches, beautiful weather, the convenience of pretty much anything and everything. what more could a person ask for, right?
but returning there this past weekend made me a bit sad. and frustrated. of course, i didn't seem to notice any of thesethings, while living there, but who does...
the crowds and crowds and crowds of people. the excessive 2 PM traffic, which only gets worse as the day goes on. the begging homeless on street corner after street corner. the graffiti that seems to be everywhere you turn. the trash, which lines so many streets and highways. the overwatering, even in a time of severe drought, in an attempt to keep the naturally existing brown at bay. the high cost of everything--from groceries, to gas, to houses.
while we lived in san diego, i closed my eyes to all of the these things and just considered myself damn lucky to live there. i mean really...why would anyone want to dwell on the negative aspects of the place they call home? but moving all around allows us to see the positive, negative, beauty and uniqueness of each location.
and in this part of kansas we're currently living, it's so green--full of land and fields. tons of space and little to no traffic. things move slower out here, something i've been working to embrace (despite my speeding ticket a couple days ago). and maybe it's for those exact reasons that i seemed to hone in on these other aspects of san diego, when i was visiting.
i once thought that san diego would be one of the places we would consider retiring (if we could even afford it), but i'm not so sure. to be honest, i have absolutely no idea where we'll one day settle. i actually panic a bit when i think about calling a single location home, for more than a few years, which is why sailing the americas for a year or two after steve retires from the navy is so enticing!
and please don't get me wrong...san diego took really great care of us for 4 1/2 years and for that i'm so thankful. without a doubt, we will continue to visit over the years...and simply continue to ignore all those other aspects of san diego, as i'm sure so many tourists do!
sharing a couple shots from my san diego sessions last weekend...
today is friday. and friday means PE for sky. and that means, according to the letter that came home from sky's PE coaches, tennies and no dress (dresses are strongly discouraged on PE days). well in sky's world, that's one of the worst things that she could be told.
i agreed to a skort. but then the shirt she chose to go with it was too long, according to sky. so i let her choose another, which also ended up being too long. but no further clothing changes were allowed.
tears poured because all she really wanted was a dress. the tantrum followed--a complete stomping up and down, yelling, sobbing tantrum. and for those of you who know sky personally...yes, i swear, it's true. the tantrum persisted for about 30 minutes (all the way to school) and resulted in a punishment--no dresses for a week. all her dresses (all 27 of them) were pulled out of her drawer and are sitting in a pile here on the living room floor. UGH!
i walked sky into the classroom today because when we arrived at her school, she was still sniffly, with puffy red eyes. the teacher immediately noticed and asked me what was wrong. we stepped into the hallway and i shared what happened. and then sky's teacher shared her dress story:
on the first day of school the kids did a self-portrait project. they drew their face on a paper plate and colored clothing (shirt and pants) and glued all the pieces together. the project became a gift for the parents at the following day's open house. well i guess skyler asked her teacher, ms. A, if she had any skirts sky could color b/c she would NEVER wear a pair of pants. which is the exact reason i have been buying lots of leggings--for sky to wear in kansas' winter months, under her DRESSES!
and then today i found this most wonderful original painting on etsy, perfect for my skyler, who so believes in pretty dresses! i ordered this print for sky's room, along with two others. you can see all of di's available paintings here on etsy. i adore them all!
and when sky gets home from school, the thing she loves to do most is change out of her school dress and into a princess dress.
man, there are so many fabulous treasures to be found on etsy, another place i could spend a whole lot of time.
happy friday!
watching akeelah and the bee last night, with my family, warmed my soul. it was such a great, great movie. i laughed. i cried. my heart was filled with joy. i even love the movie's tag line: changing the world...one word at a time.
in the movie, mr. larabee introduced this awesome quote, by marianne williamson, to akeelah:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
and then while catching up on blogs, i found this glorious, inspiring blog (from hailey's blog, which i so love and have mentioned here before). it is there that i read these fabulous 50 lessons, written by regina brett, when she turned 50. another one of those writings to print and read often.
50 LIFE LESSONS
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
i've only just begun to dive into the serendipity factory blog but had to post about it. i could find myself there all day and night--watching, reading and soaking in every bit of the goodness and inspiration it has to offer. definitely a new fav, already added to my google reader.
a few things that warm my soul...
the goodness in this world.
the inspiration and creativity of others.
spending time with my family and friends.
very little is needed to make a happy life;it is all within yourself...
in your way of thinking.
- elisabeth kubler-ross
i'm not kidding when i say that i've rewritten this blog post three times today...and i had started and saved at least five different blog posts last week that never got published. so many thoughts running through my head, but none of those thoughts have made it farther than a blog draft thus far. but today is the day...to publish no matter what!
first, let me share that i'm back on the wagon--not the 'i'm going to abstain from drinking' wagon but the 'i'm going to get back in shape and not be so squishy' wagon. i was pretty much feeling crappy the past few weeks...really crappy. i had stopped working out a couple months before steve got home because i got too busy with work (photography). then i embraced steve's return and continued to not workout. a month later, we relocated and here we are--no more excuses--just feeling very "fluffy", as one of my dear friends says. it didn't matter how much i weighed; i knew i was fluffy and i felt like shit. a week ago, i committed that i'd get back on the wagon and begin working out. so i've been following a daily routine, alternating cardio and weight training. while i'm certain i haven't lost a pound and i'm not any less fluffy at this point, i'm standing taller and walking prouder already. i am determined!!
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i've also done a bunch of business thinking this week--ordered new business postcards, new business cards, and worked on a portfolio book. this morning, i began a blog post about my endeavors to market, in an effort to get clients while here in KS. by afternoon, i had decided that i'm not going to do any hard core marketing while here. instead, i'm going to use the next 11 months to hard core spend time with my family and shoot a bit (or maybe a lot) for me--personal work. i already have a few project ideas in mind, projects that actually having been keeping me up at night lately.
one of these days (soon) i'm going to feel settled enough to get back shooting. it's been a nice break but i really do miss my camera time.
if interested, you can preview (and even order a copy of) my portfolio book here. designing and sharing a book of your work, even if self-published, is always exciting. while the book started as a deb schwedhelm photography portfolio book accompanied by inspirational quotes...in the end, i decided to just let the photographs speak for themselves. i hope you enjoy! :-)
i've rewritten this post about 10 times now. and keep deleting it because i don't want to come across as whiney. but shoot, maybe that's exactly what i'm being...just plain ole whiney. and if that's the case, let me apologize in advance and warn you to read at your own risk.
we're almost completely settled now and the chaos is coming to a close. just some paperwork to file and a few pictures left to hang (oh...and a fence to build, an unfinished room to finish and a yard to landscape). but i've determined that the chaos was good for me. during all the move crap, i didn't really have to think...just do. and now that the moving chaos has parted--for the most part--and the thinking has resumed, i'm really missing my friends. i'm really missing san diego. i could go on and on about the things that i miss...but i won't. i think i'm already whining enough.
i keep trying to convince myself of the joys of this one-year adventure...here in KS. some days, i need no real convincing at all. other days, i can't seem to find much joy in this place...and feel rather lonely. i guess that's what naturally happens when one moves but...we do it so often (every 18-24 months). and then of course, in the back of my mind is the fact that we're only here for 11 months. and frankly, that's just damn hard.
but!
but!
but!
whining aside, i have to say...i'm so thankful for my friend gwenn. having she and her family here has made this transition a million times easier and that's really why i feel i have no right to be whiney or ever feel lonely. i absolutely adore gwenn and her family! our kids have a blast together and...they only live five miles away.
gwenn and i were air force nurses together back in 1998-99. we were besties back then and have always kept in touch through the years. not in our wildest dreams (okay, maybe in our wildest) did we ever think we'd be stationed together again (her dh is an air force pilot and steve is an explosive ordnance disposal officer). but somehow--here we are, together at an army assignment (ft leavenworth's command and staff college). how meant to be is that? yep, kind of crazy how it all worked out and i tell ya, i'm so fricken thankful. i often wonder how different--how lonely-- things would have been without gwenn being here.
through the many assignments, across many miles, i have some of the most amazing friends a girl could dream for--and i am so incredibly thankful for my friends!
i close with some photos from this past weekend--a day spent together, my family and gwenn's, at lake perry, kansas.
love ya gwenn. truly, i don't know what i'd do without you.
p.s. can you tell that our kids play hard!
p.s.s. i lied--we still have an entire basement to organize, to include kiele's room (she returns from being with her dad for the summer, on august 9th). still not quite chaos though.
dreams are like the paints of a great artist.your dreams are your paints, the world is your canvas.
believing is the brush that converts your dreams into a masterpiece of reality.
- author unknown
so yesterday i still wasn't feeling the best. cramping at a minimum but still nauseous and rather tired (although 1:30 AM seemed to come rather quickly, for being so damn tired). looking and feeling like i just crawled out of bed, i decided to take the kids to PF changs for dinner. it's kiele's ultimate favorite and well, she took care of me the day prior, so i kind of felt like i owed her something special. i ordered the kids their standard--one order of honey chicken for the three to share. me...i ordered a cup of egg drop soup, hoping to soothe the belly. we get our food and all are enjoying their meals, when all of a sudden, i feel something in my mouth. a bit freaked out, i spit...and in my hand lay my tongue ring, which i proceed to giggle about and show the kids. it just so happened as i was spitting what seemed to be some foreign object that came from my soup into my hand, the manager walked by.
MA'AM! oh my gosh. did you just find something in your soup?
oh no. it's just my tongue ring. that's all. the soup is delicious, i replied with an embarrassed giggle.
oh! my! gosh! i was actually mortified. yep, that's all...just spitting out my tongue ring. oh my gosh! for those of you that have never met me, i have a bit of a rebellious side (just a bit)...i have a tongue ring (for 10 years) and a nose ring, along with a few tattoos. if i was 10 or so years younger and could do it again, to my husband's dismay, i'd have my entire arm tattooed and probably a few more piercings.
when i had my surgery, i had to take off all my jewelry, to include my nose and tongue ring. apparently when putting my tongue ring back in, i didn't tighten it quite enough. oh well, hopefully the manager was relieved that my egg drop soup was quite delicious and contained no foreign objects...and had quite the story to tell his wife when he got home.
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and tracking back to last weekend...
i had the most wonderful opportunity to go to yuma and photograph a couple families. one of them is a dear friend of mine, that moved from san diego to yuma last year. the other--a family that owns a farm, making their living selling the produce they farm. and the farm, my friends, is a total other world for me. i'm pretty afraid of farm animals, of all shapes and sizes. but, i didn't get close to the animals and they didn't get too close to me and i had the most amazing time. it was a blast to shoot another scenery. i had so much fun shooting my friend's family and the O family...with their beloved cows, which will go to the fair to be auctioned off this weekend, to ultimately end up on the winning bidder's dinner table (poor chip). yep, did i mention that it's a different world. here's a little peek of the first few photos i've edited. fun on the farm ;-)
friends are an integral part of your life, but every friend you have must live life at their own pace. when the time comes and they must leave you, there is no need to grieve over their parting from your life. it is the very essence of life that it should be so. but it hurts nonetheless, but we hold them in our hearts forever. always cherish the joy, laughter, memories and love that they have brought into your lives. always remember them with a warm smile for what they have given you.- a beautiful mind quote
being a military family, this is something that happens often...location to location, we make friends, knowing that we will soon part ways. some friends you never speak to again. others, you know they will forever be your friend. some of these friendships are maintained on the phone, hoping that one day you'll see them again. others, if you're lucky, you are able to see maybe once a year. my friend, gwenn, is one of those friends.
gwenn and i were stationed at davis-monthan AFB together, as nurses. she left tucson in 1999 and we've been long distance friends ever since. it's hard to believe it's been 10 years now. we went years without seeing one another but have been lucky enough to live five hours apart for the past couple years. so right now we've been able to see each other once or twice a year. and when we do, it's like were were never apart.
this was gwenn and i, in 1998. she's in the blue uniform. i'm in the white uniform.
gwenn came to visit me this weekend, with her four-year-old. we had such a blast together. reminiscing, sharing, laughing.
i am so blessed to have these special friends in my life.
