hump-deploymentnoun - the mid-deployment hump - the middle of the deployment - the hump that you have to get over

and i'm working hard to get through it.

i've concluded that hump deployment and even getting through a deployment, in general, might be related to fight or flight response.

deployment starts and you have this unexplained energy. this energy from within, that begins when your spouse deploys. that keeps you moving and going, no matter what is thrown your way. this ability to be both mother and father. and do all things necessary, without much sleep. this unexplained energy that keeps you going and going and going.

but all of a sudden, i'm tired. overly tired. feeling like i can't make it one minute past the little one's bed time, which is 8 PM (7:30 PM lately). and yesterday, as i was driving home from gymnastics, i was thinking,

i've been doing this for over three months. can i really keep going for another four more months? i'm all of a sudden feeling so drained. it's like it's groundhog day; i'm on auto pilot...just doing over and over again. i have no choice. i have to keep going. i will keep going. everything will be okay.

it's like i was filled with these batteries, with a three month battery life. and now i'm on a mission to get me some new ones. fully recharged and ready to go--for another three plus months.

so as i officially (with myself) coin the term, "hump-deployment". i look to find these hump-deployment days as a time of realization and celebration.

shit...i'm actually almost halfway there. we're all still alive. and doing well. that's something to celebrate. and now my new batteries are in. it's all downhill now. and i'm ready to go.

may 6th. it's getting closer and closer. our day of celebration. to celebrate our family becoming complete again.

++++++ now back to laundry, cleaning my house for tomorrow's company, working out, business stuff (editing ordering, etc.), putting packages together for the post office and most of all--hoping that steve calls today. sigh. i miss him.