when you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.- author unkown
i almost missed this one. so grateful i didn't because it now screams to my heart. and thank goodness i always go back two or three times before closing a session.
finding peace within myself...amongst the chaos. xo. deb
if we must part forever,give me but one kind word to think upon and please myself with, while my heart's breaking. - thomas otway
okay, so the quote's a bit dramatic. but that's how i feel right now -- having to leave kansas already is breaking my heart.
it's just not time to part. i'm not done with you yet. can't we just stay together a bit longer...please.
when i think about leaving kansas, i feel so anxious. i want to in twirl in the fields, run through the corn, pick apples. i feel like there's so much that i want to do. and see. and photograph. i'm just not done!! one year is too short.
yesterday, i took the kids location scouting, for my shoot tomorrow. and as i drove all around, i thought about how much we have all enjoyed it here. and how this one-year family adventure that has been so magical almost never happened.
i know military families are probably thinking, don't you feel this way every time you PCS (permanent change of station).
yes, in a way, but i think the shorter the time spent in the location, the stronger the heartbreak. maybe others would feel the opposite. i don't know. i was definitely sad when we left san diego, but after four years, anything not seen, done or accomplished was my own fault. here in kansas, i feel like we just didn't have enough time for a full relationship.
but my memories are many. and i will never forget our time spent here in lansing, kansas -- a place i never dreamed i'd one day live. and i'm so grateful we did.
thank you kansas for all the fabulous times you brought me and my family this past year. thank you!!
a few shots from our location scouting travels yesterday. my kids were such troopers, as i drug them all around -- 40-minute drive here, 30-minute drive there, 35-minute drive home. i promised them that we'll get back to the orchard before we depart -- to play with the dog, cats, chicken and ducks :-)
p.s. don't tell ryder that i showed you this pic. not sure i have the color quite right yet BUT -- how darn cute is he, with his little farmer's tan and all? needless to say, temps felt like 100 yesterday, while shooting -- hot, sticky and sweaty...but fun!!
...turned seven a couple days ago. and today, we went behind our house to do her seven-year-old pictures. we wiped the chocolate off her face. threw on a quick dress that was lying around. added a flower to her hair and a necklace. a pair of new socks and sparkly, dirty tennies and...off we went.
she picked flowers. and did her own thing. as she always does. i shot. and every now and then asked her to look at me. it always goes something like, sky, can you look at me. like this...just for a second. and she does. for a second. and then goes back to doing her own thing. and i keep doing mine. we just get each other that way.
skyler grace, you are an amazing, amazing child. you keep me on my toes and my guess is that you always will. you make me laugh like no other. your giggle actually makes strangers laugh -- yes, it's that great. you're wise beyond your years. you're witty. you're fabulously messy (shoe here, the other there, back pack in a different spot and jacket somewhere else)...and i love that you are (although i might not share that with you when you're a teen). you're head strong. you hear everything and inquire about everything and then soak it all in. we call you our steel trap and we tell you that you have ears like a bat. you're smart, you work hard and your teacher's adore you. you can be the girliest of girls but kick any boys butt if you wanted to.
when i asked sky to give me her seven-year-old look -- any look -- this is what she gave me (and yes, the glasses had to be a part of the look). when kiele saw the photo as i was editng, she said,
mom, skyler is so going to be one of those girls that hangs out in the clothes stores. you know, the ones who wear those big glasses and stuff.
and i think kiele might just be right. :-)
i love you sky -- and i thank you for being such a wonderful, kind, giving, strong child. i have no doubt that you are going to go amazing places over the years!! thank you for being confident and being you!! happy seventh birthday sweet girl.
here's a few more from our time together this evening.
yes, i'll admit it. i'm a stress case right now. fluttering between convincing myself i'm strong and i can get through this transitional phase of out-of-control-craziness and wanting to sit in a corner and cry. and cry i did a bit earlier, to my cherished friend, leah. she listened and then said,
it's ok. you always seem so strong.
yes, it's my nature. it's my coping mechanism, from childhood. i. am. strong. and i can get through anything. but the combination of packing up a house, trying to find a house halfway across the country, losing my client information site, not being able to get in contact with my old server guy and trying to figure out how to properly transfer my online proofing site to another server, when it's all a bunch of foreign language type of talk...basically has set me over the edge. and poor leah just asked the right question at the right time, to have me in tears.
with that being said, i know that everything will be okay and will work itself out in the end. i just have to go with it right now and know that i'm not superwoman as much as i try to be.
and so i'm off...to tampa, for a day of house looking. i will be looking at 10 houses in about six hours and then fly back home.
kind of crazy. but life is crazy and life is good.
and just when i was at my worst today, i got this sweet note from a recent san diego client, which had me in tears all over again. but for the best of reasons.
i. am. blessed.
I don't mean to sound strange/odd--but it was just such a joy to meet you and I just loved your spirit, your honesty, your passion for your kids and life in general--I told D sometimes we meet people and even if it's just for a snipit in life, they make our lives a little richer....so thank you for making our lives a little richer and capturing our family with the big heart that you have!!
closing with a few underwater super-love out takes -- that make me oh-so-happy.
and now i really gotta run or i'm going to be late for my flight.
we went to a field. a most magical field. a place that swarmed with beauty and strength. just like the momma, who we photographed. i couldn't get enough and i didn't want to leave. stunning in every way.
and i just had to share this excerpt, from this most incredible woman's blog post...because these words are so applicable to terrie. to today. and tomorrow. to life with this baby girl.
and i will crack myself wide open open open open to experience to pain to love to hurt to the brilliance that could be my life, that will be my life. - jeanette leblanc
terrie, do not fear. be open. and know that in the end, everything will be okay. actually amazing. you are blessed. you are strong. as will she. i wish i could share with you all that i see. and if i could, you would know that you have absolutely nothing to worry about. as jeanette so eloquently wrote -- cherish the experience, the pain, the love, the hurt, the brilliance. cherish all that life is about to bring your way.
just returned from san diego late last night and to say it was magical would be an understatement. i photographed a ton and was able to get together with some incredible friends. i was commissioned by my sweet friend, terrie, to do her maternity and newborn photos (it just so happens that my july trip to san diego works perfectly with her due date). since she's a friend and a photographer, i knew she would be game for pretty much anything. so i threw the idea of underwater photos at her -- and game she was. then i asked my dear friend and partner-in-crime, leah, if she would be interested in shooting too -- and game she was. together, leah and i, collaborated and photographed terrie in leah's pool and later that evening, in the most magical field, in orange.
the following day, i photographed terrie and her family at pacific beach pier, which was so fun but crazy cold -- i ended up completely soaked and covered in sand.
shooting underwater...i felt this renewed spirit with my photography. and even with myself. i'm not sure i can fully explain it but my heart is so happy and inspired by the possibility of shooting more underwater photography and offering it to my clients. my dream, wish, hope, desire is to purchase underwater housing shortly after we arrive in tampa and just go for it. shooting underwater is not exactly easy but i love it so...and can't wait!! what a perfect place to offer underwater photography -- the warm and beautiful waters of tampa, florida. woot! woot!
note: terrie and i have a special bond. both our oldest children are deaf with cochlear implants, which is how we originally met (years ago, at an auction to benefit a deaf | hard-of-hearing organization). terrie's second son is hearing and her baby girl on-the-way is going to be deaf. this is what terrie shared with me after seeing the image below, which left me with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. love you terrie -- for all your strength, kindness, passion, determination and beauty!! you are one amazing lady!
I look at this and it is such a symbol of strength for me. Knowing what this baby will go through with her hearing loss, knowing how strong she will have to be, how strong I'll have to be for her and my family, how much she will lean on me as she becomes a woman. love that I'm standing tall and strong and ready to bring my babe into the world and face it together----oh how i love this photo!!!!
hoping to share more field photos tomorrow. my heart is so happy!
...availability this wekeend. i'm off to san diego in a few hours, for client sessions. so excited to be back, even if it's only a quick 2 1/2 days. any time in san diego is great time. sure hoping to connect with a few friends, while there too.
also, a client just had to cancel her session this weekend because of sick kids, so if anyone is interested in reserving a session this weekend, please call or email. i will be checking my emails regularly via my iphone.
so looking forward to trying some new things with my photography this trip.
and a few san diego photos, from the past few years...
signing off -- without a computer -- for three full days. have a fabulous weekend!!
with every move comes a significant amount of purging, organizing, change and starting new and this year, that includes my business. purging lots of old client files. organizing my business everything, for an exciting and fresh start in tampa. and launching a new website.
this website is my fourth website, in almost exactly four years. i love it so much because of the flexibility and the large images. i'm a firm believer that a photographer's photographs should be what attracts the clients. and all in all, i'm just pretty straightforward and simple and i think that's what this website shows -- just doin' what i love and putting it out there. :-)
so here it is -- come take a look at my new (and i like to think improved) deb schwedhelm photography website. i hope you love it!
also, i'd like to thank my family, friends, mentors, peers and clients for all the support and inspiration over these past four years -- it's been a hell-of-a-fantastic-awesome-and- sometimes-wild-and-crazy ride and i can't wait to see where the next four years take me.
p.s. we're now at T minus 24 until we are officially and completely out of this house. and i'm really kind of sad about it, especially since we don't have a house yet in tampa. this one-year tour here in kansas has been an incredible one and we'll never have another one quite like it!!
we cherish too, the poppy redthat grows on fields where valor led, it seems to signal to the skies that blood of heroes never dies. - moina michael | 1915
as we enjoy and celebrate this holiday, let us reflect on what memorial day is truly all about...a day of remembrance of the soldiers, sailors and airmen, who have given the ultimate sacrifice -- their lives.
and let us share our appreciation, each and every day, to all our veterans, who are currently serving or have served in our military -- protecting us, our country and our freedom.
i might just have to own this fabulous poster. i mean really...how awesome is this?!
copyright frank chimero when viewing his inspirational design posters, click next image to see them all
with a mutual love and obsession for horses (amongst other things), kiele and haeley quickly became best friends, shortly after our arrival here in kansas. and through their friendship, we met the rest of the deeney clan, who we just adored from the moment we met them. and today, the deeney family departs -- well, the parents will actually be back for a week to pack out, but the kids are headed to their grandparents, after after they attend a family wedding in tennessee. watching kiele and haeley say good-bye last night...well, lets just say it was painful. sad, sad, sad! after haeley left, i couldn't get kiele out of her bedroom. i couldn't sleep, trying to think of ways to keep haeley and payton (the kids) here a bit longer. but as i share with my kids, i reminded myself -- we have to be thankful for the opportunity to have met these new friends. and look forward to seeing them again one day (which we will!!). if we didn't come to this army post here in kansas, for this one quick year, we would have never have met this awesome air force family.
over the years, from state to state, we have made some of the most amazing friends ever!! and while leaving them is always hard, we are truly blessed to have met and shared time with them -- and that's what we have to remember and hold in our hearts.
to show my thanks to the deeney family, for their friendship and all they've done for us this past year, i did a photo session with them the other day....
we will truly miss you heather, jay, haeley and payton. thank you for a fabulous year!!
note: kiele and haeley have already made plans to spend a few weeks together next summer, on the deeney farm and as far as i'm concerned, i'll do everything in my power to make that happen, if they want that.
your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. and most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. they somehow already know what you truly want to become.- steve jobs
it's so easy to get caught up in being inspired by others', which often results in feeling frustrated and discouraged with our own work. and that's exactly when we need to dig a little deeper, trust ourselves and follow the direction our heart is telling us to go.
...with ME!! :-) jessica, from 503 photography, has been running an awesome series on the MCP actions blog over the past two weeks -- from hobbyist to professional. when the series was first in the works, jessica contacted me, inquiring if i would be willing to be a part of their series' competition and offer a one-hour skype mentoring session. i didn't hesitate for a second, especially after she shared it was going to be associated with step 6: believe in YOU!
so i hope you'll enter the contest. it's so simple -- go to the MCP blog and comment, answering this question:
what is the ONE question you would like to ask a seasoned professional photographer?
winner will be announced tomorrow so be sure to enter today. i can't wait to meet and share with one of you!
check out this auction... portrait commission by edward mapplethorpe (younger brother of robert mapplethorpe) baby must be 11-13 months at time of commission commission to take place sep 7, 2010 - jun 7, 2011, in NYC one 24x20 gelatin silver print, selected by artist (proofs not shown to client) market value: $10,000
images copyright edward mapplethorpe
WOW!
reading the auction details brought me back to when i first started photography and attended cheryl jacob's workshop, in august 2006. i remember it like it was yesterday because it was a big turning point for me -- my aha moment -- where i realized i didn't need to be like everyone. it's okay to be different. it's okay to just be me. at the workshop, cheryl suggested,
i think you should try something different; you should offer client sessions, where the goal is to produce only one or two large, framed prints.
one or two enlargement offerings, with one or two prices. that's it.
and that idea has fluttered around in the back of my head ever since -- wondering if that concept (that type of portrait offering) would be possible. obviously it is for edward mapplethorpe, at a price of $10K. OH-MY-GOSH!! i'm no edward mapplethorpe, but the idea of giving complete trust to the artist, from beginning to end, is something to think about and admire.
and i had no idea that the mapplethorpes had such a difficult past. the article reminded me of jackson pollock's troubled past (loved the movie pollock). thankfully edward mapplethorpe was able to pull away and better himself before total self-destruction.
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in celebration of photographing one-year-olds, i share with you P, who was one, in the photos below and is now almost four. i will be photographing P (for the fourth time), along with her new little sister, in san diego next month. i can't wait to see them again!! :-)
be thankful.dream big. and never give up. - nick vujicic
i find the most fabulous things via friends' facebook walls, who find it via their friend's facebook wall. and today, i saw this. A-MA-ZING...
i'd love to hear him speak in person, but just ordered the DVD. i figure that we can watch it as a family and then pay it forward for other families to watch. a simple way to share his message and inspiration.
yep, exactly six months ago today, i got my dreads done in portland. so i thought i'd use this anniversary of sorts for a dread update. it's weird because i had talked about getting dreads for years but then when i arrived in portland, i kept thinking...
i hope dreads look good on me. what happens if they don't? am i crazy for wanting dreads? what happens if i hate them?
i sat in the chair, pretending like i wasn't nervous, and watched as my hair was knotted, section by section. and in an hour, i was done. a full head of dreads.
i love them, i said.
although at that moment, looking in the mirror, i was actually thinking,
this is interesting. i like them. i think. but i'm not so sure i love them. i hope i end up loving them as much as others share that they love theirs.
but i can honestly say that i do now love them!! well everything except the fact that they're currently at the length that they itch the shit out of my neck all the time. they kind of twist and curl and the ends are always right there...scratching, scratching, scratching.
for a lot of people, getting and having dreads become a journey of sorts -- spiritual or otherwise. but i can't really say that my dreads are anything more than a hairstyle journey. they're just something i felt the need to do. and so one day i did (similar to cutting my long hair crazy short at 22). turning 40 gave me the perfect excuse, or perfect time, to get dreads. mid-life crisis? you can think so, but i don't!
one thing that does surprise me about my dreads is how much they've shrunk over these past six months. they were knotted pretty tight right from the start so i didn't think there was much room for further tightening | shrinkage, but obviously there was. and so at the moment...i really long for growth.
some dread questions answered --
how did you get your dreads? there's a few different ways to form dreadlocks -- not using conditioner and not combing your hair for a long period of time. they will eventually and naturally dread themselves. backcombing, with or without wax or other accelerator products. or using a crochet hook, which is how my dreads were formed.
using the crochet method, the hair is sectioned and then a hook is used to knot (for lack of a better word) the sections of hair. i had a feeling my hair would dread easily and i was right; it took stephanie about one hour to completely dread my hair. i have a lot of naturally curly hair but it's baby fine and so my dreads ended up being thin-ish and i don't have a ton (37 to be exact).
how do you wash them and how often? i wash my dreads once a week using the no poo shampoo method -- a method consisting of baking soda, apple cider vinegar and water. and no, they don't stink!! however, i do wash the front (loose) hair every one-to-two days with regular shampoo. also, i should note that i've never used wax or any other facilitator product on my dreads.
how long will you have your dreads? right now, i can't imagine not having dreads. i will surely have them for years.
do you have to do a lot (of maintenance) to your dreads? i went back to stephanie, in february, for a maintenance appointment. i had just had my hair colored (which was interesting to say the least) and i felt things were a bit crazy and out of control with my dreads (lots of lumps and bumps). in the end, i realized that i loved those out of control lumps and bumps and i don't intend on going in for any further maintenance.
what about as your hair grows? how does that hair dread? as i shared above, my hair is naturally curly and baby fine and seems to be dreading (matting, knotting, tangling) very well on it's own, at the roots. i do have a few dreads that might need some encouragement but i don't think it's anything that i can't handle on my own, with my crochet hook.
you used to highlight your hair? what do you do now? a while back, i ended up having almost all my hair | dreads colored (except for the bottom layer in back, which remains my natural dirty-dishwater-yuck-blondish-brownish). and that was a catastrophe; my hair looked orange. i went back the next day to have it fixed with toner and all was well. i've had the roots touched up once since then, which also went well. i can go about 3-4 months before i long to have the roots colored.
what happens when you're done with your dreads? do you have to shave your head? well...i don't have to shave my head, but i might. my dreads are very tight and knotted and i have a crazy sensitive scalp. so there is no way in hell i'm combing these bad boys out. i will either:
- have to start combing the roots daily, to discourage knotting (i would have to start this a year or longer before cut date). then once i have some non-dreaded growth, i would cut off my dreads and have a short haircut. or... - try to raise a certain amount of money for charity and if that money was raised, i would shave off my dreads. but who knows really. we'll see when that time comes.
have any other dread questions? ask away!
ETA: dear commenter izzy, thank you for your honesty but i can assure you that i don't need a bath; i shower every day! also, we as a society, way over-wash our hair and i don't think anything is growing inside my dreads.
here's some photos of my dread journey :-)
the day i left for portland
six days with dreads
six months with dreads (freshly washed and still pretty wet)
most of the time, when i go out, my dreads go back in a ponytail or pigtails, like this.
terri fischer on the left (with dread pigtails) and my dread head on the right.
last three photos are courtesy of terri fischer and jefra starr linn.
i remember reading about the novogratz family a while back, thinking that i really needed to DVR their new show, 9 by design. which i totally forgot about until now and just ended up programming the show five minutes ago. their story -- they're a husband and wife team (now with SEVEN kids), who through the renovation of a rundown town house in new york city, realized they had a knack and love for interior design. soon after (1995ish), they founded sixx design, now a crazy successful real estate renovation company, specializing in turning funky into fabulous, as they say.
below are a few home decor | design concepts i love. photos courtesy of sixx design.
check out this awesome garage door wall (we hope to have one someday) and the huge photograph -- LOVE! now dreaming of a huge print or two, for our tampa house.
another garage door wall and cool kitchen...
and this ground level trampoline. how awesome is that?!
there is no pool at the house in tampa, that we put an offer on, but i dream of having one. and i love this simple, stunning design...
being a military family and moving every few years, we kind of just make it work, from house to house. sometimes it's a military house, where we get what we get and we don't throw a fit. other times, we buy. but it's never totally our style, nor the house of our dreams. and of course, schools are a priority in finding a house, with every move.
here's some photos of our current house, here in KS. although it doesn't really look quite like this anymore -- i have sky and ryder's room almost entirely packed in boxes, all frames are off the walls, a huge purge pile sitting in the middle of my bedroom, etc. we're packing slowly, box by box, over the next few weeks, with a departure date around june 27th.).
with this next move, we'll be packing and moving ourselves because there's money to be made if you do it yourself versus letting the military (outsourced) folks do it all. and so i will be looking at every item in our house with a critical eye, asking do we use this? does someone in the house really love it, play with it, etc.? is there significant sentimental value?
thankfully, we don't have a lot of clutter to begin with, but i want everything to be used or loved and have it's place, preferably in a drawer or closet.
maybe someday, after the military and sailing around the americas, steve and i can renovate our own funky to fabulous living space. i know steve would absolutely LOVE that!!
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some design blogs i love: apartment therapy dos family decor8
a new site i just learned about -- living etc. i'd love to get their magazine but it's a bit pricey.
we've been getting dwell for years. i'm in the process of going through hundreds of magazines and tearing out the pages i'm inspired by. my plan is to them create a binder of home inspiration, categorized by rooms.
and i can't wait to get my hands on the novogratz's book, downtown chic.
do you have a design blog you love? please comment and share. i'd love to know!!
p.s. how great would it be to photograph the novogratz family. oh my!
a friend posed this question today on her facebook wall: what is holding you back from booking a family photo session? quite a few women (moms) quickly commented that their weight is holding them back, which made me really sad. and a few posted money, which i understand but i also believe that there's enough photographers out there to cover everybody's budget.
this all led me to thinking about the perfect time.
is there ever a perfect time to have photographs taken of your family?
i posted on our wallflower friends blog today about an awesome article i read, which had the overall theme of taking the time to slow down and appreciate life and the everyday beauty that surrounds us. in a swirly kind of way, i feel what i shared there and what i'm sharing here is totally intertwined.
it's so easy to say -- i'm too fat. i have too much going on. we're too busy. maybe next year.
but i just want to say STOP IT! we need to take the time to appreciate the value of family photos, if not for ourselves (because we're too fat or whatever), then for our children. in 20 years, your children are not going to say,
i really love this photo of my family but i wish my mom had waited until she lost some weight.
and i think about steve's mom, who died when she was 40, only months after being diagnosed with breast cancer. steve was five at the time she passed away. he cherishes every single photo of his mom (not just the ones where she was thin, beautiful and looked perfect).
and kirsten sandstrom, who recently passed away at the age of 37, leaving behind a husband and three young boys. i don't think for one second that those boys will look at photographs of their mom (who pre-cancer probably wished she could have lost some weight) and see her as anything except the most amazing and beautiful mom there ever was.
we never know what tomorrow will bring our way. and life is quickly racing by; before we know it, our kids will be grown and leaving the house.
NO, THERE IS NO PERFECT TIME.
i hope that this will inspire someone, who might be waiting for that perfect time or to lose a couple of pounds, to book a photographer...today!
and let us all try to slow down, remember what's important and see and hear the everyday beauty that surrounds us. © deb schwedhelm | tampa family photographer
i love this print and love the idea of pinning the locations we've lived and visited (places we've lived in one color and places we've visited in another). but i'm not sure how i feel about putting pins into a $120 signed print, especially when we have to remove the pins and pack up the print every three years, with each move.
i've actually wanted a map in my house for a long time, but i want a cool, different, artsy map. seeing this map at you and me the royal we, has me thinking about creating an america print ourselves. together as a family, we could draw and paint a map. and how special would it be to have the states written by the kids.
yes -- this might just be one of our summer projects once we are settled in tampa!
i'm so excited to share that leah and i have just opened registration for our fall wallflower friends retreat. it's going to be held october 1st - 3rd at the majestical sundance resort, utah. i really can't say enough about how amazing sundance is!! get all the retreat details here register here limited to 14 photographers
we've made a few changes and have some awesome surprises for this second workshop and...we can't wait!!
read some reviews from our spring retreat here
hope to see you in october!
view larger (better) image here
