did i really do that?

in

the sky is blue and it's a comfortable 68 degrees. surfers dot the ocean, all along the boardwalk, waiting for that perfect wave.  parents with children.  sports fans on their way to the local pub.  runners.  walkers. the boardwalk is moving.  people parked at their favorite breakfast beach restaurant.  others stopped to view the spectacle, a pod of dolphins just off the shore.  an absolutely beautiful morning. i set out at 9 AM, determined to have a good run.  i had an inkling it might be tough because it was just me and my ipod.  no pacific beach babes to cheer me on.  to encourage me to keep going when the going gets tough(er).  i found a rock star parking spot and began walking.  about three minutes in, the run began.  i felt good.  really good.  i kept thinking,Â

my feet are light. Â i am strong. Â i am healthy. Â i am doing it. Â 10 minutes in, i check my pace: pace 9 minute 30 seconds, my nike ipod tells me. Â

wow. Â really? Â i am doing it. Â i just have to keep going.

i pass an obese man walking and want to cheer him on. Â i want to tell him what a great job he's doing. Â i didn't but i should have. Â maybe next time i'll have the courage to do so. Â a female runner passes me. Â

it's okay. Â someday i, too, will be that fast. Â

then i hit 30 minutes / over three miles.  i see PB pier.  but it seems so far in the distance.  it's a mile away. it's my target.  and my legs that once felt like the legs of a gazelle have now become more elephant-like.  i briefly think about stopping...but i can't.  my goal is four miles, not three.  i can do this.  and i keep going. a man smiles as i pass by and i think he's cheering me on.  he's not but shoot, i might as well think he is. anything to keep me motivated at this point.  i hit my nike ipod and i only have .25 miles to go.  i'm now at a 9 minute 39 second pace. Â

maybe i should walk the last quarter mile. Â no...keep going. Â you're so close. Â you can do this. Â you can finish it all. Â you can run four miles. Â

i'm by myself. Â no one to encourage me but myself...and i do. Â i think. Â i talk (to myself). Â i keep myself going. Â and i end feeling so great. Â so proud of myself. Â that i really did it. Â two months ago, i was completely out of shape. Â today, i ran four miles. Â i share this because if there's anyone out there, who's been like me, wanting to get back in shape but always too busy, able to always find the perfect excuse, etc.-- you can do it. and you will never feel better.

two years ago, i told steve that i wanted to get back into running. Â the kids were painting and while outside with the family, i painted 'I CAN DO IT!' on the cement. Â i never did it though..until now. Â that day, two years ago, i went out and ran 1 1/2 miles and hurt my knee. Â i didn't run again after that, until a little over a month ago. Â

the other day, i took a polaroid of what i wrote two years ago--and not only can i do it, i am doing it.Â

Â

the unexpected

in

the best things in life are unexpected, because there were no expectations. - eli khamarov

you never know what to expect at a photo shoot because so much of what happens depends on personality, age, location, etc. Â today's session was with the ogawa family and it was a really special session for them because they will be moving back to japan in december. having a great time together, talking and shooting, we roamed all around their condo complex. Â our final stop was a shady patch of grass, in front of one of the condos.

while i really try to never expect anything specific from or at a session, i surely didn't expect a car to come rolling down the hill, crash into the corner of a van, and roll onto the grass, directly where we were shooting. Â a little faster, the car would have hit the condo. Â it was actually a good thing that the car hit the van because in the process, it slowed down the car quite a bit. Â none of us saw the car coming; it wasn't until the <CRASH> Â that we turned and saw the car hitting the back end of the van. Â being in disbelief about what happened, our session ended with a phone call to the police and then a shot of the owaga family by the car (a photo that i will be giving the family because who would ever believe it ;-)). Â i told them that our session, their last photo session in the united states, was going to be a session they would never forget.

to the owaga family, thank you for a wonderful time today. Â that you for the sweet note. Â you are such an amazing, kind family.

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haven't heard from steve today. Â we're hoping to skype with him in the next couple days. Â 7 PM here is 5 AM in iraq, so it works out pretty well. Â technology is incredible. Â the fact that we can talk and see steve (without any delays) is absolutely amazing and such a blessing. Â in steve's email yesterday, he said that the next couple days were going to be mostly just getting used to the time change.

today's joy...lawn mowing, grass seed placing, sweeping and watering. Â but i am grateful that i am healthy, strong and capable of doing it myself. Â and well, i now think of it as good exercise.

ryder's coughing like crazy. Â kiele has a really bad ear ache (taking her to the MD today). Â sky is healthy and feisty and full of it today. Â

all in a day.

it would be so easy to quit

in

keep your dreams alive. understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. remember all things are possible for those who believe.- gail devers

meet the pacific beach babes (shawn, jodi, me and adrienne).

no, we didn't name ourselves, just tagged onto an existing group, in our area. :-) we meet every monday, wednesday and friday morning, to run together. we started out as four out of shape women, determined to run and get healthy. i hadn't run or really done any type of exercise since 2002. Â

six weeks ago, we, as the pacific beach babes (www.seemommyrun.com running group), began our journey at a 4 minute run / 5 minute walk pace, for two to three miles. Â today, we ran 20 minutes, walked 5 minutes and ran another 10 minutes (running at a 9 1/2 - 10 minute pace). we started out slow. we did it right. we let our bodies get used to running. Â and next week, we're planning to run three miles. and then add minutes / miles on from there. we're pretty damn excited. we're pretty damn proud.

with my crazy schedule (and no husband around), it would be so easy to find an excuse (or many excuses) not to run, but i've never felt so good. i figure out a way to get in my runs now, instead of the other way around. Â it's not only good for my health, it's good for my soul. i'm excited. i'm determined. i believe i can do it. Â my goal is to do a half marathon, but shoot, who knows...maybe i'll end up running a full marathon.

and i'm so grateful for my new friendships. love ya girls. thanks for being so supportive and encouraging. i wouldn't be where i am today without you.

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steve made it safe and sound to iraq today. Â sky said to me this morning, before school,

mom.

yes, sky.

i miss daddy.

i know sky. Â i miss him too. Â we'll hopefully talk to daddy on the computer soon and then he'll be home when it's summer time.

but all in all, we're doing well. Â between school, gymnastics, fencing and homework, we've been staying really busy. Â tomorrow, we will drive an hour to a pumpkin patch, which the kids are super excited about. Â oh, but tomorrow is also dreaded lawn mowing day. Â ugh. Â but, i'm determined to do it myself, so i will suck it up and mow on.

kindness revisted

in

i was going to blog about something totally different today, but then i got two of the most wonderful emails that i had to share (below). Â if you haven't read my previous blog post, a story of kindness and hope, it might help to start there. Â today, while leaving the grocery store, with the little ones, this man approached me, asking if i had any money that i could spare. Â he was obviously homeless. Â i told him that i was sorry; i didn't have any money. i got in my car, looked at my groceries and yelled to him,

but i do have some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Â

he came to my door and i gave him two frozen PBJ sandwiches. Â his face lit up and he thanked me and went on. Â we drove off and the kids and i talked about what happened, the whole way home. Â it felt good. Â it felt so good to help, even if it was only two PBJ sandwiches.

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the first email:

I know I don't even know you (in person, I guess) but I've been thinking of you these last few days and sending hope and prayers your way.  I hope that you are doing well considering what's going on.

I just wanted to share a little story with you about something that happened to me today and it has to do with your chain reaction.  We made an impromptu stop at the grocery store on the way home from school because C (my oldest) got a coupon for a free pumpkin.  I didn't really want to stop, today not being one of my best days and I hadn't even showered yet.  My mood was blue.  But I didn't want that to take away from my little ones, so we ran in, grabbed a gallon of milk and a big pumpkin.
After our purchase we got everyone loaded up in the car (I have two sons and a daughter) and as I turned my car on a woman approached me. Â She had on a bright pink coat and neon orange boots and was pulling a suitcase and carrying a purple candle and some trinket Santa bags. Â I rolled my window down and she told me that she is out of work and is trying to sell some things to try to help her get along and would I buy anything from her. Â She told me that she had food stamps and uses them but they didn't pay for women's needs and right now she was trying to get enough to buy some shampoo. Â I knew I didn't have any cash except for a few coins which she said she would take. Â I think I gave her about 80 cents. Â When I did she handed me one of her bags. Â I refused. Â I know how much those little bags cost and while they are inexpensive (less than $2) what I gave her didn't pay for one. Â She insisted. Â I took the bag and pulled away.
C asked me why she was asking for money and I got all choked up as I responded that a lot of people are in need these days. Â As I explained that to him I had to stop. Â 80 cents just wasn't enough. Â I know things are pretty tight for us financially right now, but goodness gracious I have plenty of shampoo! Â I reparked my car and the four us went back into the grocery store. Â I quickly ran over to the hair products and grabbed a bottle of shampoo and a little lotion for her. Â We paid and I gave C the bag and asked him to give it to her and to tell her to have a nice day.
She was talking to another driver so while C took her her shampoo I quickly buckled up Hanna and Thomas. I kind of felt like I was doorbell ditching goodies or something. Â C made it back to our car and I hopped in, but not before she came running towards my car and yelled, "THANK YOU! Â YOU'RE A HONEY! Â YOU BE GOOD!"
My earlier heaviness melted away as I drove through the parking lot feeling like a honey. Â Isn't it something that doing for someone else always gives the giver more than the receiver. Â I needed that today.
So I just wanted to let you know how your chain reaction is going and say thank you to YOU for being a honey too. Â Thanks for your inspiration and for the goodness you spread around the world.
the second email:
Life has been full of more downs than ups for us at the moment, so I've stepped away from my usual blog readings lately.Â
 As I quickly logged on my computer yesterday, your blog came to mind, so I skimmed over all the posts I had missed. And I just have to tell you that your "story of kindness and hope" moved me in SO many ways. Thank you.  Here I am feeling sorry for myself for all that we're going through. Then I realized that the way I feel can change with my actions. That by a simple act of kindness towards someone else, I can bring happiness to myself. Â
WOW, i am so thankful for the emails i receive. emails like the ones above. i am thankful for the people, who take the time out of their day to write me. reading things like this pushes me to keep believing...to keep sharing.

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but now...now, i am exhausted. Â just another day but i am drained. Â i basically didn't stop the entire day--exercise (ran 3 miles), dropped off the volvo for service, ran back to my house (another mile), picked up sky, picked up ryder, grocery shopped, home for 30 minutes, gymnastics, dinner, laundry, baths, read to the little ones, homework with sky, homework with kiele, cleaned up kitchen, more laundry--and it's now 10:50 PM. Â yes, just another day, a day that i am grateful for--a day that brings us one day closer ;-) Â and since i can barely think anymore, or type, i will close here and say good-night.
i close with remembering--remembering hawaii. Â it was such a special time for steve and i. Â i cherish the memories so.