2010 | family

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thought it would be fun to share some of my favorite photos of my kids from this past year.  it's crazy how much things have changed for our family in the past 12 months. also sharing the layout of my family book this year.  for those who are new to my blog, i do a family book every year (since 2006, my first year in photography).  each and every book is such a treasure -- proudly displayed front and center on the credenza in our living room.  i truly cherish these books!!

the only thing missing in the book is a photo of kiele, with her short hair.  must capture in the next few days.  thirteen is not the easiest to photograph...you know.  you can view a larger version here.

and then the storm blew in

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celebrate your success and stand strong when adversity hits, for when the storm clouds come in, the eagles soar while the small birds take cover.- author unknown

so we had this great idea today, to head to the beach...as a family. we hadn't done that yet here in florida. so we packed up the car and drove 40 minutes to this great beach. and there in the distance, we saw the storm clouds. what we didn't know is how fast the darn thing was moving. all of a sudden i hear...

i feel sprinkles. momma, i really feel sprinkles.

and poof. just like that, we were being poured on! steve was gathering up the kite. i was screaming for the kids to grab something and go.  of course, there was quite a walk from the beach to the car.  hands were full and we were moving as fast as we could.

so we went to the beach. for about 20 minutes. and drove home soaked for the next 40 minutes -- a family outing to remember, for sure. :-)

p.s. i have plans with this beach.  can't wait to go back.  all shot with lensbaby.  no time to change my lens...or really get my kids to cooperate.

thankful for

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life. love. family. my children. hope. today. tomorrow. photography. my home. inspiration. coffee. happiness. new friends. old friends. a day at the beach. a clean house. my husband. hoodies. journaling. a great pair of boots. a beautiful sunset. a crisp breeze. family pets. dreaming. hoping. believing. military. peace. opportunities. safety. comfort. health. a good book. memories. freedom. optimism. wonderful neighbors. email. dreadlocks. a great snowfall. encouragement. a tough workout. nachos. sincere apologies. music. hugs. the arts. incredible schools. cochlear implants. a handwritten note. getting along. rest. laughter. reconnecting. travel. being respectful. passion. strength. cell phones. dinners together. technology. smiles. random acts of kindness. family traditions. autumn leaves. each new day.

happy thanksgiving!!

happy you are home

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being especially thankful is obviously on everyone's mind this week.  but this family has something momentous to be thankful for; they will never forget thanksgiving 2010. daddy is coming home from iraq this afternoon.  he was gone six months -- left when their baby was three months old.  and steve just happens to be best of friends with B (they met in EOD school), so my whole family will be there to welcome B home.  and i get the honor of photographing the homecoming.

so can't wait.

just a few more hours now.  and we're getting our signs ready :-)

hoping to share some homecoming photos in the next few days.

wishing everyone a most wonderful thanksgiving tomorrow -- filled with love, laughter, friendship and joy.  we have so much to be grateful for!

one year. two days.

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yes, it's been over a year now that i've had my dreads.  i can't believe it.  and i still absolutely love them.  although i really wish they'd grow in length a bit. when down, they itch my neck like crazy.  i'm actually beginning to think they may never grow.  also, one thing i noticed, when looking at these photos is how much my ends have broken off (contributing to my length [or lack thereof] issue).  i'm thinking that next year, i may not have any loose ends left. so in celebrating one year of dreadlocks, i share some photos of this dreaded journey of mine.  :-))  you can also read my previous dread posts here and here and here.

have any questions, feel free to ask and i'll edit to add my answers at the bottom.

the day before i left for portland and six days later

december | © leigh miller photography

march

april | © untamed heart photography

may

july | © ryan muirhead photography i know it looks a tad bit like a mug shot, but it gives you the 8 month dread idea. be sure to check out ryan's work. he's a brilliant film photographer.

october | © jen wright photography

and how i typically wear my dreads

one of those pictures

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this was one of those (polaroid) pictures where i just knew.  i was so drawn to it.  but i didn't know why at the time.  and of course, i second guessed myself (as i often do)... what is it? would anyone else like it? am i crazy for liking this?

but i stashed it away. and then came across it again yesterday. and i immediately knew.

empty house is the title of the image.

our last day in kansas. our empty house. getting ready to leave for the next phase of our family's journey. headed to tampa. sad and excited all at once. i didn't know it then, but this is an extremely important image in my collection of images. i think (and hope) it would speak deeply to every military spouse.

my polaroid SX-70 is such a special part of this photography journey of mine.

advice

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i love her blog.i longed for the release of her book. and now i can't seem to bring myself to buy it. i mean i really want it. but then i struggle. i want to document my own advice to my kids.

polaroid from last year, in kansas.

and that brings me to another thought. my dear friends in san diego, who i cherish more than they'll ever know -- terry and richard. richard has battled cancer a few times (30 years ago, a few years ago and now) i remember so clearly when he was fighting MALT lymphoma a few years ago. you see... richard is the most amazing pediatrician (and man)!! they call him the baby whisperer. he's shared his thoughts, advice and medical wisdom with so many over the years. anyone who has had the opportunity to meet him and learn from him is so very blessed. and the thought of him not being able to share this with his own children (no grandchildren yet)... is a painful thought. so he began writing. creating a book... of this thoughts. guidance. wisdom. to pass on. through the years. through the generations. i'm not sure where things stand with his book. but i hope and pray he's been writing over these past few years. i definitely will be asking (and encouraging) the next time i talk to him.

a photo from when terry and richard first started dating. we had snuck it out, printed it huge and displayed it for their surprise 40th anniversary party.

terry & richard, with one of their sons and his new wife, at their wedding celebration this past summer.

so the folder has just been created and now sits on my desktop. as i begin to document my own advice. thoughts. anything. to pass on to my kids. and hopefully to their kids. and on and on.

thanks for the inspiration jaime. i will eventually buy the book.  it truly seems awesome. and... i mean really, could my kids ever have too much wonderful advice?!!

p.s. polaroid post still coming. in the next few days.  sometimes i just get a little side-tracked.

heart to heart

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an oldie i came across today, from may 2008. apparently, i thought it should be titled heart to heart because that is the file name. i remember how much i connected with this image when i took it...and i still love it just as much now. a bit lost at the moment, i feel like i'm searching.  growing.  evolving.  i need to get back to shooting for me.  taking risks.  it's been a while.

memories

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i'm back home, from a weekend in phoenix.  i went there with this fantasy of peace and healing.  i left there with a greater understanding of my past, some new relationships with my extended family and...sadness.  turmoil.  about so many things. my grandfather passed away a couple weeks ago, at the age of 98. but i'm not sad about that. bupa suffered from severe dementia the past 10 years and it was time.  he lived a great life and it was time for him to find peace (and nanny) again.  his service was small. simple. beautiful. perfect.

but other things happened over the weekend that were not so beautiful. nor perfect. lots of tears shed. i'm actually still trying to digest it all and figure things out.  figure something...anything out. i guess with more knowledge and understanding, also comes lots of confusion.

+++

while at my aunt's house saturday evening, we looked at so many fabulous old photographs, which has left me flooded with thoughts and emotions.  i view this amazing history of my past and then i think, what the hell kind of history am i leaving for my own family?  nothing.  except controlled, beautiful images -- most of which are riddled with this disease called perfectionism.  what the hell?!!  i'm so mad and frustrated with myself.  what am i doing? what have i done?

i've talked to myself about all this before but it now pains me in a deeper way. i'm determined to make a change. i'm praying i can find that place, where i can be my family's visual historian.  true historian. not superficial photographer that takes kick-ass pictures of her kids kind of historian.

i have no real memories of my past, except those i see in photographs. and i wonder...

what memories will my children have? in their mind. in the photographs left behind.

lots swirling right now. and really...i'm still trying to reel it all in. and digest it all.

sadly, i took very few photos while in pheonix.  another problem i struggle with. i hate to bring my camera anywhere (thoughts i'll save for another blog post).  but here's a couple i did take --

the extended rouse family. i'm far left. my dad is next to me. and my sister (38) has short dark hair, next to the man with the red tie.

and another of my cousin's daughter, holding the card from my bupa's service.  she carried the cards around for much of the evening.

p.s. i'm really missing my husband right now.  he's in the philippines for a couple weeks. and the equipment he shipped in september is still not there. so now we're not sure if he'll be home for thanksgiving (he was originally due home on the 23rd). another moment of life as a military spouse.

i never thought i'd say this...

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i miss kansas. i miss... the seasons. the weedy fields. the trees. the corn fields. the hay bails. the changing leaves. the broken down barns. the cows. the cold. the snow. the slow. the peace. the quiet. yep, i'm missing kansas.

i want to get back to that place -- maybe not physically but mentally, as a photographer. i want to get back to exploring and shooting for me.  what's stopping me?  

not. a. damn. thing.

but me.

kansas was definitely a place and time in my life that i will never forget...for so very many reasons.  i am so, so grateful for the time.  kansas was simply meant to be...even if for only a year.

12 week update

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hard to believe it's been 12 weeks since i started crossfit.  and i still absolutely love it and long for it!! i remember when i started and was absolutely scared to death.  i remember the day when i was so excited to bench press using the big girl bar (as we called it).  or the day i was able to do five military style push-ups (not on my knees). and today, i bench-pressed 55 pounds and deadlifted 110 pounds (almost my body weight) -- both personal records. i also did squats with weight but i can't remember how much. all were 5 reps x 4 rounds.  oh...and monday, i pulled, flipped and rowed a big-ass tire and pushed a jeep.  yes, i pushed my trainer's jeep.  so hard!  i thought i was going to die but it felt oh-so-amazing when i was done!  needless to say, i'm proud of my own little accomplishments as i've pretty much always been a weakling.

i fricken love, love, love having a personal trainer, who arranges workouts specifically for me and pushes me. she pushes me so much farther than i could or would ever push myself.  i actually am still trying to wean myself from her, which has proven much tougher than i anticipated.

i keep sharing updates because i hope to inspire others to keep going. and pushing.  it's never too late.  i want you to find that thing you love as your workout -- that thing you so love that you can't help but keep doing it!!

you CAN do it!

here's photos from...

may (pre-anything)

september (5 weeks post-crossfit)

and today (b/c i was wearing the same clothes, and it's almost 12 weeks)

i haven't lost a pound since my 5 week point but surely i must have gained some muscle.  while i could easily obsess about my weight, i try and focus on getting strong and being fit and healthy.  i threw out my scale long ago and only weigh myself occasionally at the box. i also had a rough couple weeks of not doing anything in san diego and then coming home and getting sick.  but no excuses!!  my goal is to wear a bikini this summer -- something i haven't done since pre-kiele (about 14 or 15 years ago).  i'm proud to be 41 and feel more real than i have ever felt in my entire life (that's a whole other blog post).

let's keep pushing and inspiring one another through this holiday season filled with the yummiest food, cakes and cookies.  everything in moderation is my motto!!  i WILL eat cookies but only in moderation. :-)

let's do this...together!!

p.s. i try to take pictures in the exact same position but it's damn hard.  i guess i'm getting close enough though.

my happy place

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i.love. music.

and was inspired by an itunes mix i came across yesterday! so i decided to make a happy itunes mix for myself -- my happy place music.

so here it is (so far).  music that makes me happy.  my go-to-feel-good-happy kind of music.  a special thanks to my facebook friends for sharing their happy music!

ENJOY!

congratulations

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anyone who follows my blog probably knows that i'm now doing crossfit and so loving it.  :-) and a few weeks ago, i photographed a bunch of women at my box, for the deadlifts and dresses 2011 calendar competition. today, i found out that three of the crossfit jaguar women were selected for the calendar! woot woot!! and i have to say...after two weeks of traveling, getting sick, not working out and eating like shit, i'm so happy to be working out (crossfitting) again. today felt amazing.  thanks paula (last set of photos below)!

meet the the three selected...

how things work(ed)

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meet my dear friend, heather, and her two boys (ages 3 years and 8 months). her husband isn't in the photographs because he's currently deployed in iraq and has been for the past six months. yes, he deployed when the baby was only a couple months old and the baby hasn't been the easiest baby in the sleeping department. we're hoping heather's husband is home in time for christmas. fingers crossed!! heather absolutely amazes me -- her strength, kindness, patience and generosity -- to mention just a few of the amazing qualities this woman possesses. i've known heather as long as i've known steve. you see...heather was actually the mastermind behind steve and i meeting one another in destin, florida, at AJ's. heather reminded me of the story yesterday, which goes something like this...

some guy spilling his beer on me. me getting mad, having had a beer or two myself. guy's friend, heather, intercepting by sending a cute guy over to create a distraction. enters cute guy...steve!!

steve and i saw one another every day from that day forward (until he had to move to WA and i had to stay as an air force nurse in FL). that was back in fall 2001.

and heather just happens to be married to one of steve's best friends, brian (he and steve went to EOD school together). so after not seeing one another for almost nine years, our families now live 40 minutes apart. how lucky are we?!! funny how things work sometimes. actually, it's amazing how things work sometimes. and it all brings me back to how very blessed i am!!

thank you heather for being you -- for your friendship and for your never ending support, encouragement and inspiration (oh...and for introducing me to my husband :-) ). adore you and your family and am so excited to share our next three years together! soon, we will celebrate and do photos of your complete family. can't wait!! xoxo.

change

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i've had a great photographer friend, jen wright, visiting from atlanta, for the past few days.  so much fun!!  and yesterday, we decided to go scout tampa locations for a bit and then photograph my kids, in the evening. i begged jen if she would photograph my family (she doesn't like the pressure of photographing other photographer's families). finally after enough begging, she agreed. when she showed me the shot below, i was blown away at how much ryder has changed since our last family photos (a mere six months ago). he's grown up so much...sigh!!  but then i thought about how much each of us has changed since april...

kiele is now a teenager we moved from kansas to tampa and bought a new (old!) house ryder started kindergarten all three kids are in a new school and made new friends i've lost 5 pounds and am fitter than i have been in a really long time steve lost 10 pounds and started a new job i'm sure there's more where that came from but all my mind can think of at the moment.

left:  untamed heart photography (april 10) right: jen wright photography (yesterday)

left: untamed heart photography (april 10) right: mine (yesterday, utilizing the last bit of light of the day)

ryder is full of expression these days and as my new zealand friend peta would say, he's quite cheeky.  here's a few others from yesterday. so excited to have found another location i love. :-))

also, if you're a prospective tampa client -- i only have five session dates available for the remainder of 2010 (the latest being nov 21st). once those sessions are reserved, i will begin booking 2011. :-)

meet irving

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never neglect the little things. never skimp on that extra effort, that additional few minutes, that soft word of praise or thanks, that delivery of the very best that you can do. it does not matter what others think. it is of prime importance, however, what you think about you. you can never do your best, which should always be your trademark, if you are cutting corners and shirking responsibilities. you are special. act it. never neglect the little things.- og mandino

it was thursday afternoon and i was waiting for my afternoon client, at pacific beach pier, in san diego. people walk, run, skate and bike the boardwalk pretty much non-stop there.  and out of the corner of my eye, i saw an old man in a bright yellow jacket ride by.

hello, he said. hi, with a chipper voice and a smile on my face, i replied.

i looked back out at the beach, when suddenly i felt a tap on my shoulder. it was him. the old man on the bike.  he had turned his bike around to say...

do you know how special you are?

ummm.  okay.  sure, i giggled.

no, i'm serious. you are so special. i hope you're appreciated. there aren't many people like you anymore. people get hurt and no one stops to help them. i know you would help.

yes. thank you. thank you.

i really do hope you're appreciated.  you should be.

i am appreciated. my husband and children love and appreciate me. and i'm so grateful. i'm grateful for them...and my life.  i have a really great life.

i can tell.

it didn't stop there.  with a smile on his face and his piercing blue eyes, he went on and on. we stood together for about 15 minutes. sharing. irving lives in pacific beach and has been married 62 years. he was raised in new york. and is not very fond of the people in san diego. he thinks kindness to one another is slim to none these days.  and he wishes things were different.

there's a part of me that thought irving had to be a bit crazy. and then the other part of me felt that it didn't matter. a message was sent. and i got it.

i'm on the right path in this life of mine. and i'm doing the right thing. i should be confident. and proud. i should feel special...each and every day.

irving saw it. so should i.

please don't ever foget... that there's something special in each and every one of us. know it. believe it. feel it. and others will see it too.

and never underestimate the power of kindness and a simple hello.

owning it

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so...this photo of me was tagged on facebook yesterday.  and while my initial thought was that i was a tad bit embarrrased, i decided that instead, i would own it.

yep, this is me.  and this is often the way i shoot.  not sure where this oh-so-glamorous shooting position came from but it is what it is.  to be honest, i don't ever really think about how i shoot or what i look like, while shooting.  oh yea, that might be obvious by above photo. ;-)

so...i'm owning it!

this is how i shoot. this is how i capture the images i capture. this is me.

kristianne koch also captured this image of me shooting the canlas girls (left) at our wallflower friends retreat, in sundance, UT.  and then my image (right) -- shot at pretty much the exact same moment.  thanks for sharing kristianne!

i'm off today to san diego today, for a week of photographing clients.  it makes my heart so happy to have such amazing clients, who trust me to photograph their families over and over again -- some of them, i'm shooting for the third and fourth time.

with that said, i'm headed to the airport in a couple hours and must start packing. see you in a week!

the perfect time | part II

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i returned a few days ago from an amazing weekend at the sundance resort, with new friends -- wallflower friends.  as part of the retreat, leah and i photographed jon canlas' family.  he's a photographer with a beautiful wife and five incredible children and...they have never had a family photo done. really?  not one family photo?  but you're a photographer; you should know better.  really?

here's the first couple photographs i've edited. hoping he and his wife love the photos as much as i do.  (jon's little guy had open heart surgery not long ago...he's doing awesome.)

and yesterday, i received an email from team charisse.  who is charisse?  charisse is an amazing photographer in connecticut.  she is a beautiful, kind, loving young woman. a wife.  a mother to three young boys.  and she is battling cancer (lymphoma) for the third time!! and because of the cancer and aggressive chemotherapy, charisse recently had to close her photography business for the remainder of the year (income that they depended on and during the busiest time of year), which in turn, is causing a significant financial hardship on their family.

image courtesy of julia arstop photography

can you imagine the pain, stress and agony of battling cancer once?  how about three times?  can you imagine watching your spouse battle cancer three times? can you imagine watching your children deal with their mommy battling cancer...again? it's just wrong! and i am going to do my best to help this amazing family. i hope that you will too.

please, if you have it in your heart to give, please consider giving to team charisse. $5, $20, $100...every little bit will help charisse and her family!!

the money raised will go towards caring for charisse and her family during these difficult times (living expenses, school expenses, medical expenses, etc.)

checks can be mailed to: Team Charisse 71 Sedgwick Avenue Darien, CT 06820

or you can contribute to team charisse via paypal here

no matter how hard i try, i can't get the donate button any smaller...but i guess you definitely get the idea this way. lol. (hoping to get new paypal button shortly. im not sure what happened to this one.)

lastly, i want to scream it to the world...

please don't wait to have photos taken.  honestly, please don't wait to document your family in whatever way you choose.  your kids will not care if you have the perfect haircut or if you are thin enough or whatever your hang-up might be.  your kids will simply love and appreciate YOU...just the way you are!

there really is no perfect time!

and in case you need any more convincing, read this.