be a dreamer

my heart is so happy...and full!

thursday afternoon, i got a voicemail from michelle, the no limits [deaf / hard-of-hearing theatre group] dreamer | owner | director. ABC was auditioning for a blonde-haired, blue-eyed oral-deaf teen, for their upcoming series pilot -- switched at birth. and michelle thought kiele would be perfect for the part.  the only problem...the audition was the following morning in los angeles.  after she chatted with the director, we decided to head to LA so kiele could audition in person. it was a chance of a lifetime and in my opinion...how could we NOT go. i purchased last minute tickets, threw what i could into a suitcase, and 30-minutes later, kiele and i were headed to LA.

kiele ended up not getting the part of daphne because they thought she was too young (the role is a 15-year-old, but apparently they're hoping to find someone 18-20s; kiele is 13). i can honestly say that kiele and i had the most amazing 24 hours, while there.  i'm so grateful for the opportunity. and i'm beyond proud of kiele.  not every child would do what kiele just did.

simply getting to audition for the part was an awesome experience. but beyond that, we got to hang out with some of the most incredible, inspirational people i have ever met -- one of them being michelle.

every time i see michelle, i'm beyond inspired!  she had a dream and she made her dream a reality. and every time i talk to her, i think i should go pursue being a deaf | hard-of-hearing (DHH) educational advocate.  when i'm with her, i feel that i really could make a difference, not only for the local DHH children, but across the nation!!

michelle, with her son, jack. captured yesterday.

kiele also got to hang out a bit with john autry.  at age seven, john was one of the first children to attend 'no limits' (he's now 21) and he had just returned from being a presenter at the 2010 media access awards (GLEE won the CSA award for diverse casting of actors with disabilities).  from what michelle shared, john was a superstar at the award ceremony!!

kiele had acted with john a few years ago in san diego, at a 'no limits' theatre play BUT we so hadn't put two and two together to realize that...

THIS IS JOHN -- the actor who played this most amazing, inspirational role on GLEE. OH MY GOSH!!

john talked to kiele about how important education is and how these acting parts are a bonus; he will never stop going to school and learning. oh my gosh!! seriously <lump in my throat>...so inspirational.  john is one of those people who smiles and the entire room lights up.  he just has one of those spirits and i have no doubt that his acting career will continue to grow!!

we also got to meet one of the most amazing women i have ever met -- enid wizig.  being in the presence of enid (87) and her husband, bernard (92), made me so happy.  they are so full of life. amazing. and so in love.  i could kick myself for not getting my camera out of the car and taking a photo of them.

enid contracted whooping cough at six months old, which resulted in her being profoundly deaf. back then, they didn't have hearing aids and her parents would use an ear trumpet to talk to her. later in school, she wore a large hearing-aid device, with the battery attached to her thigh. as a very young child, she had little to no language.  her mother insisted that she speak and hired a speech therapist, who charged $100 / hour (a very controversial choice, especially back then).  this woman believed in enid and ended up working with her twice every day for five years...for free.  and she taught enid how to speak.  enid mostly reads lips and has an unbelievable speaking voice.  to this day, enid proudly displays her speech therapist's 8x10 photograph, front and center in her living room.

enid was also the first woman to work for merrie melodies. she sat down and drew kiele this bugs bunny in about two minutes!  i asked her if she had any of her drawings in her house and she shared with me that she gave some to her children and sold the others for $10,000 each.

and i can't thank michelle's dad, nugent, enough. i know that he is michelle's mentor and from talking to him, i can 100% say that he is a dreamer. yet, he shared with me how michelle is the one who inspires him. their support and encouragement for one another is so heartening. nugent picked kiele and i up from the airport at 12:30 AM. he took us to the audition the next morning. and then took us back to the airport at 10:30 PM that night. he was willing to help in any way he could...and so encouraging and kind. thank you nugent; we couldn't have done it without you!!

lastly, happy 70th birthday john lennon. your wisdom and inspiration continue today!

JUST IMAGINE...

i hope i've taught my children well

this is viral on facebook right now, but i thought i'd share here too. memoirs of a bullied kid

i, by no means, was bullied like the poor boy, in the above mentioned blog.  i can't imagine the pain. but i remember my days of being bullied.  it was duane (and some girl that i was deathly afraid of but i can't remember her name).  i'll never forget.  duane messed with me and scared me.  i got him in trouble and paddled by the principal once, when i was in first or second grade.  in junior high, i missed the bus so many times because of him.  i would open my locker combination and he would instantly slam the door shut.  over and over again.  he was relentless.  and i shed plenty of tears growing up because of him.

i seriously hope that there's no one from my school days...or in my lifetime that would say i bullied them. i hope that the people i grew up with would say that i was always a good person.

and i hope that my children will NEVER EVER bully another child.  please let me have taught them well.  and in the same breath, please don't let them be the victim of bullying.  please!

needless to say, i'm extra sensitive to bullying because i would never want kiele to be bullied for being different. i've taught her from a very young age that she really is no different than anyone else (her cochlear implant is to her ear as her glasses are to her eyes) and that if she is ever teased or bullied, it's probably because the dumb-ass the person doesn't understand and that she should just explain her cochlear implant to them.  so far, so good.  i haven't heard about any bullying and yes, i inquire often.  ugh...i have a lump in my throat even typing this.

i wasn't really the popular one in the school.  i was kind of the smart girl that just happened to also be a pom-pon girl, allowing me to fit in pretty well...i guess.  but being the smart girl didn't come without a price.  in 9th grade, i was on homecoming court.  but at that time, all i really cared about was watching TV and doing my homework.  i had NO interest in boys.  but they had an interest in me.  and as a result, rumor had it that i was gay because i didn't like any of these cute boys that liked me.

looking back, it sucked.  the bullying.  the rumors.  in the same breath, i know it could have been so much worse and i hope that i grew stronger, better and more aware and sensitive because of it.

all my photographs, etc. from the past is in our storage facility so i attached an image from my pom-pon days that i took from my facebook.  i secretly wish i knew what happened to duane. hopefully karma came around. hopefully he learned and changed and ended up being a kind, wonderful, giving man with a great life.

i seriously hope with all my heart that i've taught my children well.  let them be kind and respectful.  let them make the right choices and do the right thing.

p.s. i absolutely, 100% have nothing against gays (at all!), but in 9th grade, the rumor was tough.

the in between

between two school (class) auction photo books, workshop prep and deads and dress photos, my spare time has been slim to none. oh yea, that doesn't include plumbing problems, etc. anyways...i thought i'd share a bit of what my time has been consumed with lately -- first, check out this second grader's writing and drawing about what he wants to be when he grows up. OMG!! be-still my heart.

and here's my kids' book spreads this year.

Sky wrote:

i whant to be a veternarien beacuse I love animuls.  And I whant to be a photogerpher beacuse I like taking pictures.  And beacuse I like meating other people.  And seeing things I never saw before.  I also want to be a vetunarein beacuse I want to help animuls when they are hurt.  I want to be a dacer and singer beacuse I always love bacing and singing every singgul day.

Skyler, 7 years old

Ryder said:

When I grow up, I want to be a policeman and a artist because I always like to do art and I don't know about the other.

Ryder - 5

lastly, check out these incredible women -- a few of the shots i photographed of the crossfit jaguar women, for the deads and dresses contest. i'm hoping that a photographer friend of mine will do my pictures once i'm back from the utah. but of course, i have to get the perfect pair of socks first. :-)

and my most awesome trainer, who has inspired me so!!

it's therapy, you see

the real and raw me, taken by the wickedly talented ryan muirhead, at the FIND workshop, in san diego.  ryan told me to just stand there.  no smiling.  just be.  and so i did. and yes, this is therapy for me because i have a hard time with the real, raw me.  but i am what i am and after 40 years, it's about damn time that i embrace all that i am.

thanks ryan!  i adore you.

and please take a moment to check out ryan's amazing work.  and here on facebook.  he's digital turned film and pretty darn mind-blowing. so inspiring.

HAVE A NICE DAY!

blessed

today, i photographed ryder's kindergarten class, for a book i'm designing for their school auction (oct 23rd) class project.  next week is skyler's class.  i feel so blessed to be able to give back and contribute in this way. while i'd love to share more photos from this morning (i can't because of lack of model release), i share just a couple i captured of ryder.  man, is he tough these days.  i just happened to look over, when i was done photographing another child and i saw this, which melts my heart.  it lasted only a second and i feel so lucky to have captured it.

and then, this photo simply captures him and a bit of who he is at 5-years-old and in kindergarten.  he's a bit of a serious child.  yet as sweet and kind as can be.  and he dresses himself every morning and insists on wearing long socks.  they're always pulled up as far as he possibly can and many times, up to his knees.  he is who he is and i fully embrace every bit of it.

i so love what i do and am so darn grateful, i could scream.  as i've said before, i feel we are blessed with this gift to photograph...and i'm a firm believer in giving back whenever possible with this awesome gift we've been blessed with.  donating my time to school auctions is one of the ways i so love to give back.

how about you...what ways do you give back with the gift you've been blessed with?

to stress or not to stress

i received an email this morning from my dear friend, crystalyn, with the below attached. she and i have been talking a lot about stress and ways to deal with stress lately. and i absolutely  love what she shared...

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight...but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, the burdens will become increasingly heavy, to the point when we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put your burdens down for a while and rest before holding them again. When you're rested and refreshed, you can then carry on with your burden(s)."

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow."

And here are some additional great ways of dealing with any burdens in your life --

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

- author | source unknown

in closing, i wanted to share a few more photos of my cherished friend, steph, who always handles life and stress with such beauty and grace.  her third baby is due in two weeks, while her husband is deployed (home mid-december).  and i'm so very, very excited to have been invited to photograph her family upon his return.

parenting

i just happened upon 'the perils of parenting', on nbc's dateline last night and was so incredibly happy i did.  there were such great topics covered -- bullying, texting, stranger danger, etc. the things the little kids said about their parents texting and talking on the phone had me in tears.  why?  because i'm guilty.  and with the health and fitness changes i'm making for myself, i'm making necessary (and long overdue) changes for my kids...

when they come home at 2:30 PM, my phone and my computer go off until after they are in bed.  it's bullshit that i can have any excuse not to do the above.  if i don't use my time wisely while they are at school, it's my own fault; not theirs. my kids deserve my undivided attention more than anyone or anything else in this world.  whatever i have to do on my computer or phone can wait!

and while our family has talked about strangers and bullying many times in the past, we will be having more conversations about such topics, in the very near future.  one of the undercover videos on dateline shared what would happen if a man came to the door, when the kids were home alone.  first, the man had a fake badge and said he was at the house, as an inspector, to test their milk.  the kids not only opened the door, they let the man in the house.  the second time, the man was screaming at the door that his wife was sick and he needed help.  i mean he was screaming for help.  and while the 12-year-old boy went to the door, he told the man repeatedly,

NO NO go find an adult to help you.

the boy was shook up, but never opened the door.

as parents, we can only hope and believe that we've taught our children well and the lessons they need to live a safe and successful life. and we need to remember that we are leading by example (another thing i'm very guilty [and embarrassed] of is texting at stoplights. that too will cease today.)

what examples are you showing your kids? have you been talking to your kids? do you know what your kids would do? do you know how your kids feel?

the entire show is going to be available on dateline this afternoon.  and i highly, highly recommend taking the hour to watch it.

think about it...

i am a crossfit woman

adding onto yesterday's post... I am a CrossFit Woman I sweat I grunt I curse I bleed

I am a CrossFit Woman I will not shy away from failure I will not hide my emotions I will not hold back I will not quit

I am a CrossFit Woman I am a competitor I am a daughter I am a mother I am a friend

I am a CrossFit Woman I am confident I am healthy I am beautiful I am strong

I am a CrossFit Woman

- adpated from the 'i am a crossfit woman' poem written on the wall at the jaguar box

shawna shared this in a comment yesterday, on my blog. she's accomplished amazing things and does crossfit on her own, at her regular gym. i, like her, will never be the strongest. or the fastest. and i'm okay with that. crossfit can be very competitive but the only person i'm in competition with is myself. i compete with me, in an effort to achieve and hopefully exceed my personal goals.

and...courtesy of crossfit jaguar.  me, at the box.  doing swings. it ain't pretty. but it's real.

crossfit is the toughest...most amazing thing i've ever done.  i do a lot of cussing.  and saying, "i can't".  only to be quickly reminded that I CAN!!

5-week update

yesterday was exactly five weeks since my start of crossfit and my pre-crossfit measurements.  i decided that i would love to post a 5-week update and so asked my trainer if she would do my measurements (so that i could include with my update).  she said that normally she doesn't do them this early but if i wanted them done, she's game. and so we did... i started crossfit because i truly believed (from what i heard from others) that it would be a perfect fit for me and my personality. i've been doing crossfit for the past five weeks, with a trainer (paula), every monday-wednesday-friday. after the first workout, i could barely walk. and i've been sore almost every day since, but it's a comfortable sore, if that makes sense. today is actually a little worse but that's because yesterday was a workout filled with squats, deadlifts and bench presses.

along with crossfit, i have also tried to just watch what i eat a bit more. nothing crazy...just opting out of carbs a bit more than i did previously. if i want dessert, i eat a bit of dessert. i still drink coffee and have soda, when i want it. in recent years, i haven't been a terrible eater and i've never been one that eats a lot. my husband has always joked that kiele (our now 13-year-old) eats more than me. but i just eat when i'm hungry. and stop when i'm full.

i've worked hard. and am especially proud because much of the past five weeks, we have eaten out (living here, there and everywhere).

i've lost four pounds, four percent body fat and two inches in my waist. my arms are the same. my thighs are  3/4 inch larger.  my trainer couldn't believe my results, in such a short time.  and neither could i.  i couldn't be happier!!

PRE weight (with shoes): 123 pounds body fat: 27.6% waist: 31 1/2 inches

POST weight (with shoes): 119 pounds body fat: 23.5% waist: 29 1/2 inches

without a doubt, i will continue crossfit although i'm probably only going to do one or two days with a trainer and do the other days with the group. my original goal was simply to get my body fit and in shape.  that goal remains the same -- but fitter and stronger.  i long to wear a bikini this summer, as i haven't worn one since 1996 (pre kiele). i didn't think i was overweight prior to crossfit, but i knew i was out of shape (or as i called it, fluffy).

i'm a firm believer in everything in moderation. and sometimes i worry about others, who lose weight with the aid of crazy diets, drastic measures, etc. remember that different strategies work for different people. find the strategy that is a good fit for you, your body and your personality.  like anything...do it right and do it well.  do something you can stick with long term.

i feel so great -- healthy and strong(er). and can't wait to see what the next five weeks has in store for me.

here's my pre-photos (taken may 12th, when i told myself that i was going to start getting fit, but i didn't) and post-photos (taken today). i tried to get in the exact same position. and did nothing to either of these photos.

i'd love to hear about your getting fit | getting healthy journey. please share in the comments. lets keep inspiring one another.  i waited till 40.  i hope that you won't wait that long.  find what works for you and...go for it.  what's stopping you?

have a question?  please ask and i'm happy to answer in another blog post.

life...

...has been keeping me really, really busy this past week.  more than usual.  much more. after being out of a house for over two months, we finally moved into our 1920s mini-castle this past friday, which i've come to now call our money pit. we unloaded the truck and began unpacking and assembling as fast as humanly possible, as steve left for afghanistan on sunday (for three weeks).  forty-eight hours isn't a whole lot of time to move and settle into a house but we steve worked until the very last second.  and well...i'm still working.

with this job here in tampa, steve will be doing lots of little trips to the middle east versus any long (6-plus month) deployment. there's no way to fully describe the emotions that occur during a deployment, but today, i received this video from a fellow photographer (thanks amelilia) and i couldn't think of a more perfect way to describe the emotions of a homecoming. and while i don't have sound for my computer yet (still not unpacked), i don't feel it's really needed -- i have a lump in my throat and tears rolling down my cheeks.

so yes, things here are a bit crazy -- with three kids, unpacking, organizing and wallflower friends workshop stuff...and no husband to help, for three weeks.  but i'm doing my best and trying to get it all done. i'm a bit drained but so very grateful to be home. i'm definitely not complaining!!

it's still all a bit surreal that i'm living in tampa, florida.

also, PLEASE don't forget...tomorrow is the MAX RUN.  they're 90% to their $2000 goal.  let's help them get that last 10%.  even if you're not running, please give -- $5, $10, anything.  every little bit will help.  my friend, heather (whose husband is deployed for seven months and left when their youngest was a month old), and i will be running our one mile (with our kids), here in tampa.

please join us... do it for you. do it for max (who i know will be running with us in Heaven). do it for those currently battling cancer, who are too ill to run with us.

this is a photo of max running on the playground, at school. you could see his pain, as he ran. but that never stopped him! what's stopping you?

this month

...is national childhood cancer awareness month. no parent should ever hear the words "your child has cancer". no family should ever have their lives turned upside down because of cancer. no child should suffer from cancer. no parent should ever lose their child to cancer. no parent should ever be left with a shattered heart and empty arms.

please join me in spreading the word and raising awareness of childhood cancer.

what can YOU do? read. learn. share (blog, facebook, twitter). donate. recognize. be aware and... help bring childhood cancer and it's research to the forefront. above adapted from momma's pixie dreams blog post.

remember this post?

you can do something as simple as spreading the word to others to run on september 11th and donate.  just imagine, if this spread to 5,000 people and each person donated only $5.  together, we would raise $25,000.  you can donate via my blog post or via max's dad's blog post. please donate...they have $780 left to reach their goal of $2000.  and i hope you'll be joining me for a one-mile run on september 11th, no matter where  you are.  if for any reason, you're unsure, just take one minute to read this, or this or this.

please help spread the word!

in closing, i want to share and remember these two amazing boys, who lost their battle against the terrible beast -- neuroblastoma.  remembering sam and max and their amazing families.  love you guys!!

it's a sad day

...when you go to ebay and you see that polaroid 600 film is $5-plus per PICTURE.  in other words, one pack of polaroid 600 film is $50+ plus shipping. when i first started shooting polaroid with my SX70 camera, it was $1.50 per picture and that wasn't all that long ago. when i left kansas (in june), it was $3 per picture.

one can purchase 600 film from the impossible project WHEN they have it; it's out of stock most of the time.  and my last pack from there was terrible -- very yellow and almost every photo was...well...very yellow and not so great.  so i'm not that confident in 600 film from the impossible project at the moment.  although i've had my fair share of bad polaroid film from ebay too.

i've also tried TZ artistic and PX polaroid film and i'm just not a fan.

i'm sad as i seriously long to shoot 600 film with my SX70.

it all makes the polaroids that i have that much more amazing. and it makes me adore my instant recall gallery that much more.  i might just have to frame a polaroid or two in our new house (aka the mini-castle).

in closing and with a tear in my eye, i share a few of my polaroid favorites...

p.s. okay, maybe no tears but i really am sad.

p.s.s. on a most-incredible-happy note, we're officially closing on the mini-castle tomorrow.  walk-thru in 15 minutes.  :-)))

art of photography show

i didn't make it into the art of photography show this year, which is okay...anyone who's submitted to exhibitions knows that you win some and you lose a hell of a lot more.  but how cool is it that KPBS selected my photo to use in their this year's art of photography show write-up. if you're in san diego, i highly recommend attending the show.  i will definitely be visiting the show, when i'm in san diego for my client sessions, this october.  i wish i was going to be there on august 29th, to hear natashan egan's (juror) talk.  i so loved hearing the juror speak last year.

i'm not sure i'll ever have an image quite like this one -- special, for so many reasons!!

the deaf girl sings

i had to register kiele for school before she returned from her dad's (she spends the summer with him).  kiele has three electives this year and i had to choose them for her.  art was a no-brainer.  then i selected yearbook and theater, after discussing all the options with her.  since she participated in the no limits theater group for deaf | hard of hearing children for three years, i thought theater would be a breeze for kiele. OH MY GOSH!

coleman middle school theater is musical theater.  they just happened to forget the musical part of it when they told me about it and kiele found out on the first day of school.  ummm...yea...musical...like...yea...similar to glee.  their first song, to learn and sing, is jump by van halen.  the glee version.

OH MY GOSH!

prior to school starting, kiele said,

i hope i don't have to sing in theater.  i'm so not singing.

she's singing alright!  and the girl can't keep a tune if you paid her (lots of money). but in all seriousness, her dad has a great singing voice so maybe kiele just needs a bit of training...on listening to the tune. and singing.  just maybe...she has a wonderful singing voice like her daddy (and not like her mommy). ;-)

and as her theater teacher said to kiele,

don't worry.  it's going to be great.

when i picked kiele up from school today, one of the first things she shared was,

i think theater is going to be my favorite class this year.

and my heart melted.  i can't help but think about all kiele has and continues to accomplish.  she inspires me beyond words. and pretty much inspires everyone she meets.

all in all, things have gone pretty great.  kiele's school services are in place, including CART.  we (the IEP team) are meeting again in three months to "evaluate how kiele is doing" -- whatever that really means.  hopefully by then, the school staff will fully realize how very much kiele utilizes and needs CART to have equal access to communication.

and there's always something to open my eyes that much more, in regards to what kiele does and does not hear in the classroom...

yesterday, kiele's CART provider told me that kiele was sitting at a table with a few other girls.  the girls were chatting with one another (a conversation that a normal-hearing person would clearly hear).  the CART provider noticed that kiele didn't seem to be hearing them and sent kiele a message (through CART), asking her if she was hearing what the girls were saying.  kiele wasn't and so the CART provider asked kiele if she wanted her to type what they were saying (gossiping).  kiele said no.

the way CART works is...if it's something kiele would hear if she was a normal-hearing child, the transcriber will type it.

it blew me away that kiele couldn't hear the kids talking at her own table--right next to her.  made me a bit sad too, thinking about all the casual conversation that kiele might be missing out on, at school.  but then i refocus and am just so overwhelming grateful that kiele can hear...period. A-MA-ZING!!

so here's to kiele having a most amazing school year and...singing!!  singing proudly, no matter what the tune.  :-)

in closing, sharing a quick snap from yesterday, their first day of school... p.s. none of them were happy about having their picture taken. go figure.

time and distance

alex and skyler.  they met in 2005...2-years-old and next door neighbors in san diego.  it was during our unfortunate military housing situation and it was our temporary house (while our unfortunate house was being repaired).  our temporary house ended up being our home, next to the B family, for about five months.  we joked that sky and alex were the yin and yang of friendship -- so different and yet complementing one another so perfectly --creating a magical friendship, even at such a young age. when we moved, we didn't move far (around the corner and a few blocks down) so the kids continued to see each other once a week or so, over the next couple years.

in 2007, just shy their 4th birthdays, the B family moved to pennsylvania.  sky had a photo of the two of them (see below) on her dresser.  alex had hers on her wall.  we never stopped talking about alex through the years.  and occasionally, we'd get an email from the B family with photos and updates.  we never doubted that one day we'd see the B family again...and sky would see alex.

lucky for us, alex's grandpa lives in orlando.  lucky for us, their annual florida trip took place a couple weeks ago. :-) it was so awesome seeing the girls together again -- as if they were never apart.

i really do feel blessed to be a military family and i share with my kids often, how very lucky we are.

love you B family!! so excited to see  you over the next three years.  © deb schwedhelm | tampa children's photographer

april 2007 (one of their last photos together) & august 2010

a few from our trip a couple weeks ago

i just love them sitting together on this bench outside our orlando condo.  i can't help but envision them 60, 70, 80 years from now, sitting together.  in a similar manner. on a similar bench.

and the whole gang, minus kiele because she was at her dad's.

today's photos

that was the title of my email, back on feb 17, 2006 -- 1-1/2 months after purchasing a DSLR and deciding to pursue photography. my great friend and fellow military spouse, shawn, found the emails and forwarded them to me today.  it's just so crazy to see images and read my thoughts, from when i first started photography.  and to think about where i am today.  i just feel so grateful!!

i get a lot of emails, from people inquiring about tips, recommendations for learning, business advice, etc.  and time and time again, i tell them something similar to this...

my best advice is to study, learn and practice as much as you can, from as many avenues as you can (books, online, peers, mentors, etc.). learning photography and becoming a good photographer takes time, dedication and hard work (lots and lots of each).  look within and allow yourself to grow...from within.  be cautious in comparing yourself to others (often a big mistake in the beginning).  there's no secrets.  there's no magic.  be passionate, honest patient and work your ass off.

here's what i had to say and share back then, feb 17, 2006...

...for photos today. It all started b/c Ryder got into Sky's buggy and it was so darn cute. He was just sitting there in it. So, I pulled down my background, got him undressed, got my camera and put him back in the buggy. Well...now he didn't want to have anything to do with it. I snapped a few and my exposure was off. I did my best to salvage the buggy photo but it still looks yucky. So then I tried to put Ryder on the chair for an opportunity to practice. Ooooh, was he mad. This is what I got out of the five minutes. I still think I ended up with some cute shots. Love the last one...I was trying to shoot his feet b/c he kept putting them like that and at the same time, he was screaming. That was the end!

Now I'm off to take a nap. Those 1 AM nights are really catching up to me today. I'm tired, eyes hurt, headache...pooped!

Deb

and the next day, i wrote this...

Well, Sky was totally into photos today so I ran with it. YAY! We had fun and it only took about five minutes to get these shots. I'm so excited b/c I feel that each day, it's getting easier for me to capture some pretty special moments. We didn't do anything special today...in regular clothes, no fixing hair...just grabbed a couple chairs and started talking.

Enjoy! Deb

it's crazy to think about back then -- starting from nothing and working every single day to learn and grow as much as possible.  i am so grateful to all those who have encouraged and supported me throughout this most amazing journey -- especially my husband and kids.

here i am, today, proud to be a tampa children's and family photographer. i wouldn't be here without each and every one of you, who have been by my side...thank you!

and a couple photos of sky and ryder from earlier this month...

let's do this together

i was reading max's blog today and came across this post and especially loved this part, written by max's dad:

I'm not bitter when people decline to participate because they aren't available, can't afford to, or even just don't believe in the cause. Long ago I chose not to take it personally when someone declines to contribute, participate, or otherwise engage with our cause - life's too short to worry about that kind of stuff (and there's so many people who DO want to help if only you ask and show them how, so that's time better spent anyway!).

But what gets me are the excuses. "Oh sure, I care Andy, just make it easy for me to care, and I'll show up."

As Melissa and I have started giving more and more of our time to fighting neuroblastoma and other causes, a constant theme has emerged for me, and that is when giving is easy, you get less out of it. Giving in a manner that challenges the giver, also helps the giver; it helps them appreciate the sacrifice of their giving more. It makes the giving mean more to the giver. Altruism is a funny concept (quick refresher: altruism being an act that benefits someone else other than the actor). Altruism doesn't align well with biology and evolution.And while I know that evolution exists, I also believe in God. Perhaps that's where love enters the equation. Maybe God's love makes it possible to see past our own selfish interests and limits. To extend ourselves past our comfort zone. Take risks on behalf of someone else, but get something unattainable otherwise in return.

and of course, i noticed the MAX RUN, which is taking place in san diego on september 11th, to raise money for pediatric cancer.  my initial thought was,

oh how i wish i could be there to participate in the run.

but why can't i run? and participate?  why can't i encourage people to sponsor me (donate) and just run here?  and why can't i encourage others to do the same?

so  you think you can dance did it with their july 31st national dance day, where people all across the world danced together on the same day.  okay, so maybe running isn't exactly as fun as dancing but...let's try it.  let's try to run one mile on september 11th -- together -- no matter where you are.  and let's, together, spread the word and encourage others to donate to fight pediatric cancer.  and while your donation can't help max or sam,  it could possibly help children like will or talia, who are both currently battling neuroblastoma.

so...

on septemeber 11th, at 9:30 AM, i am going to run one mile.  can you please sponsor my run -- simply click on the Chip In button below to donate to fight pediatric cancer ...

p.s. steve is going to be in iraq at the time, so the kids and i will be doing this one mile together.  i hope you'll join me.  think about it!!

ETA:  i'm so excited that i've already had a number of people share that they will be running the MAX RUN with me on september 11th -- from all over the country.  but my real hope is that along with the physical support and encourgement,  i can help gather financial donations for max's ring of fire.  if you're running or simply want to support in any way, please donate...any amount will help.

and please spread the word!  if everyone shares with a few friends, who also support and donate, we could together make a huge impact!!

sharing my favorite image of max and a tree at his school on the day of the celebration of his life.  do you see the angel?  i do. © deb schwedhelm | tampa children's photographer

finding peace

meet my dear friend steph beaty, who i respect and admire beyond words. steph was actually one of my very first clients in may 2006 (referred to me by carrie sandoval) -- which is still hard to believe.  the photo below was from that first session together.  little did we know at that time, that we'd one day be the best of friends.

steph's husband is currently deployed and will (hopefully) return when the baby is two months old -- making steph's shirt peace on my mind very literal.  they also have a four-year-old and two-year-old.  steph's strength, along with her kindness, passion, faith and goodness, inspires me each and every day.

lucky for me, steph grew up in the tampa area and her family still lives here.  so while we live plenty apart, i'm excited that steph and i will see each other (at least once a year) over the next few years, while we're stationed here in tampa.

on steph's trip last week, i was able to do maternity photos for her.  to say the evening was magical would be an understatement.  we had already rescheduled once because of weather and this was it -- no more days to work with if this one evening didn't work out. i think the only thing that could have possibly made the evening the tiniest bit better would have been a can of bug spray.  at one point, i looked down at my leg and had at least 10 mosquitoes chomping on my calf.

i am blessed to have steph in my life and so grateful to call her my friend.  i could go on and on but i'll stop there.  i think y'all get my genuine admiration for this woman.  :-) © deb schwedhelm | tampa maternity photographer

a gift from an angel

do you remember her?  my great friend and an amazing photographer, terrie kellmeyer.  while on vacation the past few days, terrie emailed me how her profoundly hearing impaired baby, poppy, just received a gift from an angel (literally!!) -- sam's loaner hearing aids.  poppy (like her brother and my daughter) will be implanted with a cochlear implant in the the next year and until then, she will wear hearing aids, in case there is any chance of her having access to sound between now and then.  here is what terrie shared --

i took poppy to her audiology appointment yesterday to be fitted for her hearing aids.   after talking with joan and laurie and also the audiologist at children's hospital that did poppy's BAER test, i wasn't too optimistic that she would get any benefit from the aids, as her hearing loss is so profound.  but, my friend that has a son that also has a profound loss was over at the beginning of the week and she said that her son had a huge benefit from the aids, and was able to distinguish some words by the time he was 12 months and received his implants.

joan and laurie had arranged for a pair of loaner aids for me, but now that i was more hopeful that there might be a benefit, i asked joan if they were good quality aids, because i wanted poppy to have every chance to hear as much as possible while we're waiting for her implants.  she looked at me and said "these are VERY good aids" with a funny look on her face and i actually felt silly about even having asked the question...

she was fitted with the aids, and as i was getting ready to leave, joan looks at me and says "these were donated by sam's family........"  both our eyes instantly filled with uncontrollable tears and i was completely and totally overcome with emotion.  there was another family in the room waiting for their appointment who had no idea what was going on other than joan and i were crying over a pair of hearing aids...

i can't tell you how much the aids mean to me and to poppy.  her presence in our lives continues to bring blessings to our family, and now i have a renewed sense of peace that a little piece of sam will live on through her and that she now has her own little angel up in heaven watching over her.....

laurie gave me some covers for the implants that are a little more "girly" than the black and white strips, but i won't have her wear them- she will wear her black and white aids proudly in honor of sam.

i took some photos to share with sam's family.

thank you deb for introducing me to sam through your blog and for all the blessings that have come my way simply through your friendship and your beautiful soul that loves to give to others.

lots of love to you!

terrie

here is sam, wearing his new hearing aids (in sep 09).  i saw margot and sam at the audiologist's office, the day sam was fitted with his new hearing aids and i  remember (like it was yesterday) margot sharing with me how excited sam was to have his new hearing aids with zebra covers.

and sam and one of his brothers, in nov 09...our last photo shoot together.

thank you sam for the gifts you continue to share with us -- each and every day.  we miss you but know that you are watching over us from Heaven!

and here are a few photos that terrie took of poppy, wearing sam's gift to her.

love you neil and margot.  and think of you and the boys daily!!  thank you for coming into my life.  xo!!

when the stars align

monday, i had a new coach at crossfit because my regular coach was on vacation.  she asked me what i do and i shared with her that i was a child | family portrait photographer.  a bit later, a woman walked in, ready to train, and my coach shared that i was a photographer.  the woman said,

oh, we haven't had photos done in forever.  but i don't like the way i look right now so i keep postponing.

tears instantly flooded my eyes, as i shared about kirsten. and max. and sam.  and my is there a perfect time post (which i now have at the top of my blog, hoping that everyone who visits will click and read). i don't care if she commissions me but i begged her not to wait for the perfect time, which for her was when her hair is more grown out.

there's a few things i feel i'm really meant to do in this life (beyond the obvious of being a great mother and wife) and one of them is sharing the importance of family photos -- not for ourselves but for those who love and cherish us. in this life, we just never know...and there really is no perfect time!

+++

also, this past weekend, i was commissioned by two incredible north carolina photographers and women -- serena boggs and emily corey.  to say that i was a bit flattered would be a huge understatement.

today, i want to share a bit about serena's story (tomorrow...emily). serena commissioned me for photographs of her family. but she commissioned me for another reason too...

serena asked me if i would also photograph her in a special dress and coat -- of her mom's. sadly, serena's mom passed away eight years ago, while waiting for a heart. she was only 49!! needless to say, serena misses her mom deeply and is very passionate about organ donation.

i flew in pretty late friday but we knew we had about 30-45 minutes of light that evening to play with. we had also checked the forecast and were blessed with a weekend of great weather. and...

it. was. absolutely. magical.

i really do believe the stars aligned and it was meant to be. i originally wasn't going to be able to photograph the boggs family because i was going to stop in north carolina, while en route to tampa...and it just so happened that the boggs family were going to be out of town that weekend. then plans changed and i ended up flying to north carolina this past weekend instead. yes, some things are just meant to be.

this morning, while surfing facebook, i came across this from serena...

deb photographed me in my mommy's dress and fur coat. these shoots i have waited for just the right artist. photographer to capture. knowing how important these were to me and my family. i have longed to meet deb for many many years now. she is one of the most beautiful women i have ever met. her art is enchanting and heartfelt. all the stars aligned for these. i am forever grateful. forever changed. and the heirlooms she has given us are irreplaceable. these are gifts for my three daughter's. a part of me & a part of their grandmother. much love to you deb. our hearts are full and thank you's will never suffice. xo

i have to say...having met and been able to hang out with serena and her family, MY heart is full and i am beyond grateful.  i am seriously blessed. thank you serena for letting me into your heart and home and for just simply being you. © deb schwedhelm | tampa family photographer

p.s. i almost burst out of my skin when serena told me that her dream family portrait was one where everyone was wearing masks.  i so love that!

p.s.s. do you see the hearts in two of the above images?  i do.