celebrating moms

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what a wonderful tumblr THIS tumblr is. a tumblr that celebrates lovely moms. a tumblr that made my heart skip a beat as i scrolled through the images. and in celebrating lovely moms, i celebrate MY mom, whose birthday was yesterday (11/11/11)!! mom, i love you. more than words could ever express. more than you'll ever know. i can't believe all that you did for michelle and i growing up. i could never thank you enough. i know that you gave us the absolute best you could. everything you could. you asked me if i would forgive you. i forgave you long ago, although i'm not sure there was anything to forgive. i am who i am because of YOU! i am so very proud to call you my mom. i wouldn't have it any other way.

thank you mom. for being so amazing. and being such an inspirational survivor!

happy birthday!!!!!

i love you, debbie

p.s. can't wait to see you next month.

a few photos of my mom, with the littles, this past july...

and a photo i found on my computer of my mom, kiele and i, from the dinner rehearsal before steve an i got married (2002)...

my muse | part II

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spend time every day listening to what your muse is trying to tell you.- saint bartholomew

for me, there's so many ups and downs in photography.  self-doubt seems to be the biggest culprit, creeping it's way in...time and time again. often, i get a photo that i so love and i think to myself, this is it...i'm done. how am i ever going to capture something like this again? doubting my abilities; viewing it more as an lucky break. i know that i am my own worst enemy. i am the one stopping myself and i must change that way of thinking. gratefully, my muse shakes me silly and continues to inspire me. and somehow it happens...another photograph that i fall in love with.

i'm feeling a bit lot lost and frustrated right now, which i'll share more about in another post. but for the moment, as the quote says, i just need to listen. and trust!! thankfully, she knows better than i do.

skyler, you looked over my shoulder and asked me what i was writing about you. this is what i want you to know...

i love you to the moon and back. and so much more than that. thank you for making me the person [and photographer] that i am. i trust you. completely. thank you! for being the amazing soul that you are...and inspiring me more than i ever dreamed.

love, momma

my muse | part I

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muse.the goddess or the power regarded as inspiring a poet, artist, thinker or the like. a goddess that inspires a creative artist. a source of inspiration.

skyler is and always has been my muse. she inspires me more than any other. she's put up with my growth and frustrations in photography. she's allowed me to test new ideas and techniques. most of the time, she just does her thing and i excitedly shoot. we understand one another that way. but, i hope she knows how much i truly appreciate her and all she does and gives to me...each and every time. i can't imagine a better muse in my life but i guess that's what a muse is all about. i can't imagine my photography without her. ever.

needless to say, i have SO MANY photos of sky.  i was grabbing some of my favorites of favorites, to share, and there were still so many that i decided to have a muse part I and II. most of these have come and gone, from my website portfolio. a few have stayed strong. i hope you enjoy part I [2006, when i first picked up a camera, till 2008]...

goodness, i love this child so much. so much my opposite. so much my same.  so much completes me. and i can't wait to continue to grow WITH her.

what ____ looks like | month three

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october was a tad bit really crazy. it brought my 42nd birthday, new plumbing for our whole house, the complete demo of a bathroom, the start of the bathroom renovation and a husband leaving for three weeks to afghanistan. in celebrating the chaos, here's a bit of what our everyday amongst the chaos looks like...

kid mess. not related to renovation mess.

"tribal markings", courtesy of kiele. notice the little chest hairs. he had armpit hair too.

ryder's new trick, which he won't stop doing.

charley love.

always asking to help with chores. well not always, but a lot of times.

location scouting.

playing on the front yard swing.

meeting more new friends on the farm, during kiele's riding lessons.

star tattoos and giggles.

half of the time, i find her upside down somewhere.

and some iphone [instagram] photos from this month...

where you'll find the little ones and i, every tuesday and thursday. where's skyler and ryder?

a few of my birthday surprises.  can't even begin to tell you how much i love the art my kids create for me [thank you kim!!].

in the middle of the bathroom demo.

skyler: "hey mom, this looks like your hair".

i just love her knees. even more when they're dirty.

and here's to november and celebrating all that's to come.

there's a group of 12 of us participating in this monthly project.  i hope you'll check them all out [clicking link to link]. next up is the awesome stephanie moore | tucson senior photographer.

in my spare time

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...i've been working on my family's annual book. anyone who's read my blog over the past couple years, probably already knows how much i adore and treasure my family books. they grace our credenza right as you walk in the door and i get chills each and every time i look through one of the books.  last night, i found the  kids looking through them -- laughing and giggling as they turned the pages. i've been doing an annual book ever since i started photography [2006].  i always joke that if there's a fire and my family is all safe, my books are next to be saved from the flames. but i'm serious.

i started working on the book a bit earlier than usual, so i'm not rushing to get it done the end of november.  i give the books to grandparents for christmas every year and need to make sure i allow time for printing and shipping. this year my book is called life passes so fast, with an accompanying closing quote on the last page.  sigh!

while i'm sure the book will be tweaked many times between now and the end of november, this is how it's looking so far...

you can see a larger version HERE.

a bit about my book-making process: i design the book from scratch [no template]. 11x13 landscape format. hard cover and premium matte paper. use booksmart via blurb. every year is different (e.g. here's last year's layout). include favorite photos from the year. quotes to go with some of the photos. words | thoughts about each child. every book is unique. and so very special.

in closing... i beg you to get your digital files off your computer and printed. on your walls. in a book. somewhere. anywhere.

i'll be sharing another project i've been working on in a few days. just a couple more things to get done first.

looking for light in tampa

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the other day, sky went with me to see what the evening light would be like at a specific location. i knew it got dark there quickly because of all the trees and wasn't sure if 5:30 PM was going to be too late for my shoot the following week. sky is my muse. completely. and i can't get enough of her although i respectfully try [and always make sure to thank her...over and over again]. from our looking for light adventure...

sky is my free-spirited one.  the one who is, in many ways, my opposite.  she definitely completes me and oh, i love her so!!

thank you courtney courtney for the fabulous dress and owl cardigan.  we love them so!!

what ____ looks like | month two

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since i was traveling (shooting in san diego and chicago) the first two weeks of september, here's what 12 days in september looks like... hanging out at the (closed) golf course.

new bikes.

purging and the birth of a growing goodwill pile.

TV trance.

the build-a-bear bed that charley loves to sleep in (even though he's way too big for it).

more new friends at the horse farm.

goofing around (until someone usually gets hurt).

a few of her drawing spaces.

the joy of handmade cards.

his bottom bunk and hanging animal friends.

her taped american flag. and the surprise gifts she leaves me, which i love so much (even if his eye keeps falling off).

fun at a friend's birthday party.

if you're not familiar with the project, here's the initial post with a bit of an explanation.  there's a total of 12 of us participating in "what _____ looks like". i hope you’ll now head on over to stephanie's blog to see what she shared this month — stephanie moore | tucson family photographer. and if you're playing along with us or have your own monthly project, please share your link in a comment.  i'd love to follow your project too.  :-))

ETA: i just got out of the shower and this is how i found the littles, watching TV, of course. couldn't help but add it to my 'what 12 days in september looks like'.

remembering

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kiele's dad's grandma sadly passed away last week at age 92. great-grammy was such an amazing, amazing woman -- one of the kindest people i have ever met. but i don't think i could ever share more beautifully about great-grammy as kiele did in this letter (below), a letter that was to be read at great-grammy's service this past weekend. Dear Great Grammy,

Time goes by without you realizing it until there are no more seconds left and the clock stops ticking. Many years have passed by and I’ve always cherished those few special moments when we could be together. Other times I let the days slip off my fingers just glad you're there, but not paying too much attention. I remember when you would come from your house and we’d walk down the road heading towards big rock. You asking me about school and would find nice little raspberries for the two of us to munch on. I was happy then and I’m still glad to have the memory. Even when I left the camps in Maine and was at my house we still maintained a little connection throughout the years. You would write me letters that I struggled to read, but still figured out what you meant. I’d write you back disappointed my handwriting couldn’t match yours and put your letters in a special place. The letters are still here -- old, wrinkled from time, and a treasure to keep always. When Great Grampy died, I felt for you and while shedding tears I began making a little story about how happy he was and about his life. I drew pictures of the events in a my little kitty notebook, waiting happily to send it to you as a birthday present. Not getting the ending finished, I never sent it. Something I will always regret. Those times from when I was little, to last year sculpting a butterfly for your birthday, and just about to write a letter to you before you passed away are some things I’m glad I was able to do for you. I really hope you had a great life. I think you did because when Brooke and I got persuaded by Dad to do an interview about your life, you sounded content about what happened. Even when you were little at a picnic with your family at a lake and swimming to the middle of the lake unconisously before realizing what was going on. Drowning, your dad rescued you and since then you’ve had a fear of water. To driving into Canada with your dad and sibilings to a little store to purchase root beer and enjoy the summer evenings. Explaining these, you were happy and satisfied with the results. You will remain in my heart and memory forever. Someone like you is not meant to be forgotten and blown away with the whispers of the wind. No, you shall stay with me...a spirit watching over all of us. Thank you for the adventures and sharing the story of your life with us. The words in your story will never be forgotten, from the beginning word to the ending chapter.

I love you and will miss you always Great Grammy.

Love you, Kiele

kiele also wrote this poem, in remembering great-grammy...

One day I did happen to see A trail of red ribbon like the sea Astonished, I stepped towards it The world became dark and moonlit I stared up into the light A voice of mind began a fight Should I stay? Should I run? Wide-eyed, I turned ashen With a panic and dropped down To watch myself begin to drown The ashes floated away in the breeze And soon I felt at ease When the kind angel appeared And up to Heaven I was steered One day I did happen to see A trail of red ribbon that set me free

as i re-read what kiele wrote, tears well.  so proud of kiele, in writing such a heartfelt, poignant letter.  remembering what an incredible woman great-grammy was.  hoping that i can grow old as beautifully and gracefully as she did and that i, too, can pass on such wonderful memories to my great grandchildren.

note: i asked both kiele and mike if it was okay for me to share this photo and kiele's writings, before posting today.

what is passion?

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what is passion?it is surely the becoming of a person. are we not, for most of our lives, marking time? most of our being is at rest, unlived. in passion, the body and the spirit seek expression outside of self. passion is all that is other from self. the more extreme and the more expressed that passion is, the more unbearable does life seem without it. it reminds us that if passion dies or is denied, we are partly dead. - john boorman

what ____ looks like

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"your kids must have the most amazing pictures." i get that comment A LOT.  and while my kids do have some pretty fabulous photos from the past five years that i've been doing photography, somehow along the way, i seem to have lost my ability to capture the every day lives of my family.  you know, those photos that document the simple joys and everyday moments.  it bums me out.  and i have complained about it for years, yet i haven't done a whole lot, in an effort to remedy the situation.

so when i was recently approached by a photographer about participating in a project entitled "what _______ looks like", i jumped at the opportunity.  i will be working on this project along side a group of eleven other incredible photographers. the goal of the project is to capture our families in a real, everyday kind of way -- to capture moments that document the reality, the beauty, the mess, the truth, the everyday of our family life.

each month we will each choose to fill in the blank with a word of our choice.  some of us may choose to use the same word all year. others may choose to change it up every month or every couple months.  at the end of every month, we will all be sharing some of our photos on our blogs. we will each link to another photographer until our circle of 12 is complete.

i'm excited about this.  i needed this.  but more-so, i feel that my children deserve this. along the way, i also hope this project will inspire you to take more everyday pictures of your own famiy!!

so here we go.  this is what a bit of our everyday august looks like...

all the cousins together, at oma and opa's, in NV.

standard toy mess. watching TV.

sweaty.

steve jumping.

first day of school.

in the pool. almost every single day in august.

not-so-pretty toenails, courtesy of the pool.

how he always sits.  his favorite toy. and the littles' handmade cardboard box chair.

on our way to gymnastics.

new friends at the horse farm.

play time.

their fort.

computer games.

girl time.

before school. forgot to brush.

so what have i learned in the first month, with this project?  i learned that i have a long way to go in documenting my family's everyday. and that i need to try and carry my camera around with me more. but honestly, even in this short bit, i already feel like i'm noticing and capturing more of the beauty and magic of our everyday.  and that makes my heart so very happy.

can't help but think of this quote... enjoy [and capture] the little things, for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things. - robert brault

i hope you'll now head on over to stephanie moore's blog to see what she had to share about her project this month -- stephanie moore | tucson family photographer.

p.s. i used more than one word for my blank...hope that's okay.

where have all my babies gone?

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my friend, steph, is a brilliant writer and photographer and today she posted THIS on the creative mama.  tears strolled down my cheeks as i read her words and thought about my own kids (and no steph, i'm not PMSing). kiele started high school this year. sky is in third grade. and my baby, ryder, is now in first grade (and for some reason, a first grader just seems so much older than a kindergardener).

my babies aren't babies anymore and... i ache at the thought that i am no longer cool in kiele's eyes or that she would rather spend time in her cave than with the family.  i ache at the thought of skyler no longer wanting me to kiss or hug her in front of her classmates. i ache at the thought of ryder not asking me to snuggle with him or him not coming into my bed in the middle of the night.  the thought of my last baby no longer being my baby makes me want to throw up.

how is this happening?  so quickly?  where did the time go?

not long ago, i saw this photo of my friend, heather, with her youngest, who is about ryder's age.  i now long for such a photo of ryder and i.  i can barely hold him anymore (he's so big) and before long, that will be gone too.

above image copyright heather starr

don't get me wrong, i do celebrate the wonderful children my babies have grown to be, but i can't help but think about how quickly the time has passed and the memories i hold onto so tightly.

in closing, i share a few recent photos of my babies...

sky and ryder yesterday, their first day of school

i wasn't able to get a photo of kiele yesterday because she was running late and had to rush off to school to test all her cochlear implant equipment before the other students started arriving in the classroom.  however, i was able to get a photo of part of her teenage cave.  ;-))

and the little ones' shoes.  couldn't help it.  every year, we have major shoe drama (too big, too tight, not bendy enough, hurts my pinky toe, etc.). also, i love their independence in selecting their own clothes. check out sky's rolled down striped socks (selecting their own clothes in the morning is something i have always encouraged).  oh...and...sky's knees are pretty darn cute too.

note:  we're actually headed to payless this afternoon because the shoe drama continued this morning.

and the dog, who is hard as hell to photograph, makes a mess of my doors and anxiously awaits their return home every day.

when friends come to visit...

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i truly cherish my friends. and my dear friend emily and her daughter, lu, came to visit for the past three days. while we didn't really make it any further than my house, we had the most incredible, fun time together!! a few photos from the past few days...

em and lu, i love you so.  can't wait for the next time.  xo.

and NOW...it's back to that long to-do list.  ugh.

H2O love

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be careful what you water your dreams with.water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream. - lao tzu

here i am in tampa. trying to get my business going. not easy task. uninspired by the landscape. missing the open fields. and the trees. wondering if i'll find my way here. knowing deep within that i'm on the right path. yet still struggling.

i've had the most incredible opportunities that wouldn't have been possible if i was swamped with client sessions. i know i'm right where i'm supposed to be, yet i yearn to be inspired with tampa and it's landscape. and today, it happened. that spark has been reignited and is burning bright.

i received my underwater housing today and tested it out a bit this afternoon, in my backyard pool. and i can't even begin to tell you how excited i am about the possibilities.  about the future. the adventure has just begun.

i will be bringing my housing with me, to hawaii (for the next nine days), to continue testing it out. i still have TONS to learn and luckily have a cooperative subject, who can hold his breath way longer than i can (my husband).

YES...i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be. and i'm dreaming big. really big (although i'm really sore and my shoulder and back are killing me. not sure if it's crossfit or heavy housing related.).

i'm so optimistic about the future, i can barely stand it.  more super big news coming soon!!

the everyday

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as much as i hate the mess, i absolute love and cherish my kids' imaginary play.  i think the littles learned it from their big sister.  she's the pro at it. although...they were watching sponge bob at the time of this photo.  hence, the not-so-imaginary trance.

yesterday, i was here, spending the day with this awesome friend.

tonight, i will be in the fields of wisconsin.  photographing a most incredible and magical family tomorrow.  can't wait, but i'm a wee bit nervous too.

birthday party hangover

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okay, so i should have posted this days ago.  but then this happened.  and that happened.  and it didn't get posted when it was supposed to. sky had a most-awesome birthday party, filled with...

screaming swimming crafting ramen noodles, hot dogs & pickles more screaming homemade vanilla cake dancing movie watching whispering and not sleeping

it was a fabulous day and evening -- one that i hope she'll never forget (especially since her actual birthday day was "the worst ever"...an eight-hour car ride home).

the gang...

the homemade vanilla cake...

the crafts...

the dancing (the bit about "i'm doing them a favor" kills me)...

the hangover...

hope you have an awesome EIGHT sky!!

guess who had a birthday

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...while we were on our mini-vacation in south carolina? happy birthday sweet skyler!!!

thank you for being you thank you for being so unique and wonderful you are wise and soulful beyond your years you challenge me in the best ways and keep me on my toes you are smart and witty you want to wear makeup and high heels all the time you are an artist and a writer you are learning the joy of reading you requested ramen noodles for your birthday dinner a homemade vanilla birthday cake with no frosting and homemade mint chocolate chip ice cream you never really know what you want for your birthday because you're content with your stuffed and hard animal toys but this year you asked for cracked nail polish, makeup and dresses with sleeves (so that you can wear them to school).

i am amazed by you and all that you are.

thank you for coming into my life.

i know your birthday was the worst birthday ever because it was spent in a car for eight hours driving home, but i hope that i can make it up to you with the best sleepover birthday party ever.

happy birthday skyler! i really can't believe you're eight!!

it's a cat-and-mouse game

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that's how i feel right now. i guess that's kind of how i've been feeling for quite a while, when it comes to catching up -- my house is never clean these days, more to edit, workshop to keep up with, orders to complete, and the list goes on and on. and while this might seem like i'm complaining, i'm so NOT!! i'm grateful to have all these things in my life. the cat-and-mouse game is just part of my norm.  and i try and keep a detailed to-do list to manage this norm.

speaking of the workshop (via the bloom forum), it's going amazing. i'm loving every single minute of it. and feel it's exactly where i'm meant to be right now -- sharing and teaching.  leah and i have also begun discussing our 2012 wallflower retreat dates and location.  and we'll be talking much more at the NAPCP retreat, where we are so thrilled to be speaking, next month.  lots of excited things ahead!!

i am driving to charleston, south carolina today, for a mini vacation. the littles and i are meeting a friend there, with her little girl. we're staying right on the beach. i so can't wait to just hang out and chill for a few days.  i anticipate lots of fun, laughter, inspiration and great conversations, along with some shooting.  :-))  but yes, we will have to do some work, while there too.

lastly, kiele is at a deaf / hard-of-hearing camp (such an incredible opportunity) this week, next week she visits a friend and then she goes with her dad for six weeks. so we won't be back to the horse farm until august. the barn cat will be there when we get back, but these kittens won't. my kids love these kittens so much.  they will really be missed when we return.

it's awesome though, to see the week-to-week changes at the barn (beyond the kittens growing up).  this past week... baby mice were born (still pink and only twitching) the geese eggs still haven't hatched (i would have attempted a photo but one goose was loose and very protective of his eggs; he chased me when i got remotely close). the baby ducks are now big ducks. we also seem to find a dead animal almost every time we're there; this time it was a bunny.  but my kids have learned that when you have that many animals on a farm, it's part of the circle-of-life.

we love the farm!!

the baby mice...

and a 14-year-old dog for good measure, from my most recent family session...

HAPPY SATURDAY!!

may...

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...came and wentway too fast. although i'm thinking the summer a busy one might fly by that much faster. and as i think hope pray believe for a couple treasured friends currently battling cancer i'm ever-so-grateful for every single minute of may and every day!!

a bit of our everyday may...

and because i was traveling on memorial day, let us never forget those military members and their families, who gave the ultimate sacrifice.