how my brain works

i was twittering yesterday about how i'm so inspired to shoot polaroid right now.  and proceeded to purchase packs of film for my treasured SX-70 polaroid camera.  i then emailed back and forth a with a friend about inspiration. my brain is usually a mile a minute. always has been. probably always will be, although now that i'm older, i find that if i don't write things down, i forget.  i guess that complicates things a big.  but it's the way i work. i'm usually thinking about 20 (or more) things at once. and my body usually follows suit. it often drives leah, who i talk to about five or so times a day, crazy because while we're so similar in so many ways, the way our brains work is so very different. i often flip-flop from topic to topic in one short conversation and she will usually tell me,

i'm not at that place to talk about that right now.

and so i've learned and now our conversations go more like this,

when you're at the place to talk about XYZ, we need to talk about that. we both laugh. she says okay and we later get around to talking about XYZ.

so with that rambling, let me get back to inspiration. i feel that inspiration filters in the same way my brain works and it is often overwhelming. i want to shoot polaroid. i want to try film. with this camera. and that camera. or maybe i should just start playing with my iphone camera more and see what i can create. i want to try this idea. and work on this series. and that idea too. and the list goes on and on. and on and on. to the point that i somewhat paralyze myself, my shooting and my inspired self.

i haven't quite figured out what to do about all this, except maybe writing down everything i want to do and try and am inspired by. and tackle it like i do my to-do lists. circle the priority or two on said inspiration list and commit to following through. i don't know if it will help but it's worth a try. focus my artistry as i am trying to focus my personal life and get things done.

or maybe just try yoga because i hear it's pretty awesome and it might calm my mind a bit. for the moment, the thought of yoga still scares me (that i can't calm my mind).

i know i'm not alone with this. if you struggle with similar or have thoughts on this, please share. i'd love to hear about it.

here's a polaroid of sky i took as we headed out the door to school yesterday.  definitely more polaroids in the near future.  i can't tell you how happy my heart is with that darn camera. one of these days, i'd love to incorporate polaroids into my client sessions.  i definitely have ideas regarding a polaroid add-on package.  just have to get comfortable with the new film that the impossible project is putting out. there's something magical about polaroid.

finding peace

so it's the 2nd day of the new year and i haven't stopped thinking about what this year will bring.  or where i'm headed. or what my goals are. blah. blah. blah.

i THOUGHT i wanted to start my own personal happiness project.  the initial THOUGHT of it excited me.  and then i made a monthly resolution chart and the THOUGHT of it made me anxious as hell.  i'm not sure i could ever focus on one thing for an entire month; my brain so doesn't work that way (ask leah).  so i'm not sure i'll go much farther with my happiness project than this...

JANUARY’S RESOLUTIONS: JUST BE HAPPY (exploring everything happy) FEBRUARY’S RESOLUTIONS: SHOW ME THE MONEY (managing finances) MARCH’S RESOLUTION: LOVE GREATER (bettering my marriage) APRIL’S RESOLUTION: LAUGH MORE (lightening my attitude) MAY’S RESOLUTION: HAVE FAITH (exploring spirituality) JUNE’S RESOLUTION: PLAY GAMES (being the parent i want to [& should] be) JULY’S RESOLUTION: THIS OLD HOUSE (fixing up the house & yard) AUGUST’S RESOLUTION: REALLY FORGIVE (working on my past) SEPTEMBER’S RESOLUTION: COMPUTER-LESS (working on less computer, etc. time) OCTOBER’S RESOLUTION: LET GO (being less perfect) NOVEMBER’S RESOLUTION: WRITE THANK YOUS (appreciating friends) DECEMBER’S RESOLUTION: GIVE MORE (exploring ways to give back)

but it at least forced me to think about 12 things i'd like to work on throughout the year.  that's good...right?!  oh and business wasn't on my monthly resolution list because i KNEW there was no way in hell i could pick a specific month to dedicate to business.  that thought made me even more anxious. and health and fitness wasn't on there because i am totally getting back in my routine this week (yes, i've been absolutely terrible over the past couple weeks).

so what are my goals? i don't know. maybe i'll figure something out tomorrow. because right now, my brain hurts from trying to come up with something. maybe i'll just come up with a few business and personal goals and be done with it.  or maybe i just won't do anything at all and i'll let the year unfold exactly as it will.

anyways... here's a few shots from our day today.  spending time with amazing friends...boating to a tiny private island for lunch on the beach and spending time together playing, sharing, laughing and exploring. could it get much better than that?

the flag, to claim our island

and with that all said...and coming to peace with the fact that i don't need to make any darn resolutions or goals or anything for that matter on the 1st day of january...i feel better already.

this morning

this morning, i received this email...

Dear Friends and Family,

I'm doing a mini fundraiser for my theatre class, and I was wondering if you could help out. I need to make $45 so I can go to Disney with the rest of my Theatre class. So far I haven't sold anything, because my friend who's also in Theatre lives on the same street and took all the neighbors, so I can't sell it to them. I have two more days to sell this. What I'm selling is Toffee, there's Milk chocolate toffee, Dark chocolate Toffee, and there's White chocolate Toffee. One bag of Toffee is $7 and a Combo of these is $20. If you would like to buy some, please email me that you are and send the money to my mom so she can just give my Theatre class the check for what you're going to buy and receive your money. My address is xxx Tampa FL xxx. Thank you so much for your help. My deadline is in two days- Thursday December 16. I just need to make $45. Thank you so much! :D Kiele

i love this child. and her initiative. and i guess i'm buying some toffee.

give love

taken this morning.on our way to art class. in front yard. drawn to something about it. her. the statement. real. nothing fancy. just drawn. so go... give love. and have a fabulous weekend.

p.s. this morning is magically foggy but the kids have art class and then i'm attending a cookie exchange.  hoping with all i have to hope that tomorrow morning is foggy and i can go shoot my kids on the beach with some fabulous fog in the air.

2010 | family

thought it would be fun to share some of my favorite photos of my kids from this past year.  it's crazy how much things have changed for our family in the past 12 months. also sharing the layout of my family book this year.  for those who are new to my blog, i do a family book every year (since 2006, my first year in photography).  each and every book is such a treasure -- proudly displayed front and center on the credenza in our living room.  i truly cherish these books!!

the only thing missing in the book is a photo of kiele, with her short hair.  must capture in the next few days.  thirteen is not the easiest to photograph...you know.  you can view a larger version here.

heart to heart

an oldie i came across today, from may 2008. apparently, i thought it should be titled heart to heart because that is the file name. i remember how much i connected with this image when i took it...and i still love it just as much now. a bit lost at the moment, i feel like i'm searching.  growing.  evolving.  i need to get back to shooting for me.  taking risks.  it's been a while.

i never thought i'd say this...

i miss kansas. i miss... the seasons. the weedy fields. the trees. the corn fields. the hay bails. the changing leaves. the broken down barns. the cows. the cold. the snow. the slow. the peace. the quiet. yep, i'm missing kansas.

i want to get back to that place -- maybe not physically but mentally, as a photographer. i want to get back to exploring and shooting for me.  what's stopping me?  

not. a. damn. thing.

but me.

kansas was definitely a place and time in my life that i will never forget...for so very many reasons.  i am so, so grateful for the time.  kansas was simply meant to be...even if for only a year.

change

i've had a great photographer friend, jen wright, visiting from atlanta, for the past few days.  so much fun!!  and yesterday, we decided to go scout tampa locations for a bit and then photograph my kids, in the evening. i begged jen if she would photograph my family (she doesn't like the pressure of photographing other photographer's families). finally after enough begging, she agreed. when she showed me the shot below, i was blown away at how much ryder has changed since our last family photos (a mere six months ago). he's grown up so much...sigh!!  but then i thought about how much each of us has changed since april...

kiele is now a teenager we moved from kansas to tampa and bought a new (old!) house ryder started kindergarten all three kids are in a new school and made new friends i've lost 5 pounds and am fitter than i have been in a really long time steve lost 10 pounds and started a new job i'm sure there's more where that came from but all my mind can think of at the moment.

left:  untamed heart photography (april 10) right: jen wright photography (yesterday)

left: untamed heart photography (april 10) right: mine (yesterday, utilizing the last bit of light of the day)

ryder is full of expression these days and as my new zealand friend peta would say, he's quite cheeky.  here's a few others from yesterday. so excited to have found another location i love. :-))

also, if you're a prospective tampa client -- i only have five session dates available for the remainder of 2010 (the latest being nov 21st). once those sessions are reserved, i will begin booking 2011. :-)

be a dreamer

my heart is so happy...and full!

thursday afternoon, i got a voicemail from michelle, the no limits [deaf / hard-of-hearing theatre group] dreamer | owner | director. ABC was auditioning for a blonde-haired, blue-eyed oral-deaf teen, for their upcoming series pilot -- switched at birth. and michelle thought kiele would be perfect for the part.  the only problem...the audition was the following morning in los angeles.  after she chatted with the director, we decided to head to LA so kiele could audition in person. it was a chance of a lifetime and in my opinion...how could we NOT go. i purchased last minute tickets, threw what i could into a suitcase, and 30-minutes later, kiele and i were headed to LA.

kiele ended up not getting the part of daphne because they thought she was too young (the role is a 15-year-old, but apparently they're hoping to find someone 18-20s; kiele is 13). i can honestly say that kiele and i had the most amazing 24 hours, while there.  i'm so grateful for the opportunity. and i'm beyond proud of kiele.  not every child would do what kiele just did.

simply getting to audition for the part was an awesome experience. but beyond that, we got to hang out with some of the most incredible, inspirational people i have ever met -- one of them being michelle.

every time i see michelle, i'm beyond inspired!  she had a dream and she made her dream a reality. and every time i talk to her, i think i should go pursue being a deaf | hard-of-hearing (DHH) educational advocate.  when i'm with her, i feel that i really could make a difference, not only for the local DHH children, but across the nation!!

michelle, with her son, jack. captured yesterday.

kiele also got to hang out a bit with john autry.  at age seven, john was one of the first children to attend 'no limits' (he's now 21) and he had just returned from being a presenter at the 2010 media access awards (GLEE won the CSA award for diverse casting of actors with disabilities).  from what michelle shared, john was a superstar at the award ceremony!!

kiele had acted with john a few years ago in san diego, at a 'no limits' theatre play BUT we so hadn't put two and two together to realize that...

THIS IS JOHN -- the actor who played this most amazing, inspirational role on GLEE. OH MY GOSH!!

john talked to kiele about how important education is and how these acting parts are a bonus; he will never stop going to school and learning. oh my gosh!! seriously <lump in my throat>...so inspirational.  john is one of those people who smiles and the entire room lights up.  he just has one of those spirits and i have no doubt that his acting career will continue to grow!!

we also got to meet one of the most amazing women i have ever met -- enid wizig.  being in the presence of enid (87) and her husband, bernard (92), made me so happy.  they are so full of life. amazing. and so in love.  i could kick myself for not getting my camera out of the car and taking a photo of them.

enid contracted whooping cough at six months old, which resulted in her being profoundly deaf. back then, they didn't have hearing aids and her parents would use an ear trumpet to talk to her. later in school, she wore a large hearing-aid device, with the battery attached to her thigh. as a very young child, she had little to no language.  her mother insisted that she speak and hired a speech therapist, who charged $100 / hour (a very controversial choice, especially back then).  this woman believed in enid and ended up working with her twice every day for five years...for free.  and she taught enid how to speak.  enid mostly reads lips and has an unbelievable speaking voice.  to this day, enid proudly displays her speech therapist's 8x10 photograph, front and center in her living room.

enid was also the first woman to work for merrie melodies. she sat down and drew kiele this bugs bunny in about two minutes!  i asked her if she had any of her drawings in her house and she shared with me that she gave some to her children and sold the others for $10,000 each.

and i can't thank michelle's dad, nugent, enough. i know that he is michelle's mentor and from talking to him, i can 100% say that he is a dreamer. yet, he shared with me how michelle is the one who inspires him. their support and encouragement for one another is so heartening. nugent picked kiele and i up from the airport at 12:30 AM. he took us to the audition the next morning. and then took us back to the airport at 10:30 PM that night. he was willing to help in any way he could...and so encouraging and kind. thank you nugent; we couldn't have done it without you!!

lastly, happy 70th birthday john lennon. your wisdom and inspiration continue today!

JUST IMAGINE...

the in between

between two school (class) auction photo books, workshop prep and deads and dress photos, my spare time has been slim to none. oh yea, that doesn't include plumbing problems, etc. anyways...i thought i'd share a bit of what my time has been consumed with lately -- first, check out this second grader's writing and drawing about what he wants to be when he grows up. OMG!! be-still my heart.

and here's my kids' book spreads this year.

Sky wrote:

i whant to be a veternarien beacuse I love animuls.  And I whant to be a photogerpher beacuse I like taking pictures.  And beacuse I like meating other people.  And seeing things I never saw before.  I also want to be a vetunarein beacuse I want to help animuls when they are hurt.  I want to be a dacer and singer beacuse I always love bacing and singing every singgul day.

Skyler, 7 years old

Ryder said:

When I grow up, I want to be a policeman and a artist because I always like to do art and I don't know about the other.

Ryder - 5

lastly, check out these incredible women -- a few of the shots i photographed of the crossfit jaguar women, for the deads and dresses contest. i'm hoping that a photographer friend of mine will do my pictures once i'm back from the utah. but of course, i have to get the perfect pair of socks first. :-)

and my most awesome trainer, who has inspired me so!!

auction projects

i get asked a lot of questions regarding the school auction projects i've done over the years, so i thought it would be good to just share here... every year, i offer my photography services for my kids' school auction projects. some years it's been framed portraits of each child. other years a book. and sometimes both.

and through the years, i've learned a ton!!  typically, it goes something like this...

i take a few photos of each student in the class. i do this somewhere on the school grounds. somewhere with great light. and a good background.  i try to get the child as comfortable (and natural) as possible. for me, this is an extremely important step.  i usually only have a minute or two with each child, so i have to work fast.

while i'm taking photos, the students are doing something nearby (reading books, being read a story, etc.).  i take the children one by one and do my best so it's just me and the child, with no others watching.

i also take a few photos of the group of students together. sitting. standing. whatever works with the location.

last year, i also took some photos of the children within the classroom but it doesn't always happen that way.  but, last year wasn't an auction book; it was an end of year gift from me.

after the photos, i work with the teacher in getting the children to write about a topic or a question and draw a picture. this varies from year to year, depending on the school, the teacher, the child's age, etc. for me, it has greatly varied because the past three years have been three completely different schools (in three different states). one year, at a lutheran preschool, the children drew a picture of what they thought Heaven looked like and then the teachers asked them the question, "what does Heaven look like and what do they think is in Heaven?" this year, the question is, "what do you want to be when you grow up and why?" with the younger kids, it's necessary to transcribe what they say. if this is the case, i stress the importance of capturing every single word because it adds as much of the child's personality as possible to the project.

i then design the book, however i see fit for the photographs, drawing, writing, etc. i do this through blurb because it would be too expensive to use the book company i use for my photography business.

the auction itself can be run in many different ways.  i'm sure there are other ideas out there but these are how the auctions, which i have been involved with in the past years, have run: - you can print one or two books and auction off the books. this year, i am adding an 11x14 print to the auction so the highest bidder will get the book and a print. - you can have the books available via a blurb store. with the store, you can set the price so the book price can be set for xx dollars over the printing cost and then all the profit can be donated to the school. - you can auction off one book. and then you could ask the parent winner if they would be okay with selling the book to other parents for the same auction price. again, all the money (after paying printing cost) is donated to the school. - i even worked with a school, where the teacher loved the book so much, she just wanted every parent possible to have it and so we sold the book at cost.

one of the tricky parts is getting reimbursed by the school.  this year, the room parent is getting pre-auction donations from the parents, which will cover the cost of printing.  this is a huge treat because in the previous years, i've donated my time and the printing of the book | prints.  just something to think about.

with the framed portraits, a parent or parents donated the frames. the framed prints were then auctioned for a set price (in my case, $50 each). so the parents didn't really bid on one item; they bid the set price for their child's framed portrait.  if there are 20 children in the class, this style of auction makes the school $1000.

all my time and prints (when offered) are donated. i absolutely love doing the books and being able to give back to the school.  and the parents and teachers have always loved the books too.  i have my (coffee table) books proudly displayed on my entryway credenza.  and i cherish them so.

i hope this helps. if there's any questions, feel free to ask in the comment section and i will edit the post and answer.

ETA: What was your price point (or profit) per book? the price point (profit) all depends on how high the auction goes, for the standard style auction. i've never sold my books (via a blurb store) to the parents for profit. i think it's best to talk to the teacher, room parent and possibly other parents, to see how many might be interested in purchasing the book. then you can decide how much profit you'd like to make off of each book.

our auction happens very early in the year - is this the case for you? this year, the auction is october 23rd (way early, in my opinion). and with my teaching a workshop oct 1-3 and shooting in san diego oct 13-18, i'm trying really hard to have the book completed by sep 29th.

also, do you advertise your business at all in the books themselves? logo or link to site? i have a page where i have a photograph and then under the photograph, i have -- all photographs taken by deb schwedhelm photography www.debsphotographs.com

for the framed prints of each child...our auction provides a tiny table space for your donated item. did you display all 20 or so prints for bidding? also, what happened to the ones that were not bid on? : / (or were they all bid on?) yes, all the framed 5x7 prints were displayed. and all have been purchased in the previous years, except maybe one and it wasn't at my children's school. i'm not sure what they did with the portrait that didn't sell.

Do you have suggestions for tips on the artwork of students you are going to scan, in terms of size and what they use to draw? i just have them draw on white copy paper and i prefer the kids draw with markers but colored pencils and crayons work too. it's just that the marker shows better, when the papers are scanned. a few other tips -- i like to have the kids sign their artwork or their writing and include their age. also, have them stay away from writing / drawing close to the edge of the paper. don't let them draw on the other side of the paper, as it will show through when scanned.

here's a few screen captures of auction book page spreads (of my kids) that i've done in the past years.

blessed

today, i photographed ryder's kindergarten class, for a book i'm designing for their school auction (oct 23rd) class project.  next week is skyler's class.  i feel so blessed to be able to give back and contribute in this way. while i'd love to share more photos from this morning (i can't because of lack of model release), i share just a couple i captured of ryder.  man, is he tough these days.  i just happened to look over, when i was done photographing another child and i saw this, which melts my heart.  it lasted only a second and i feel so lucky to have captured it.

and then, this photo simply captures him and a bit of who he is at 5-years-old and in kindergarten.  he's a bit of a serious child.  yet as sweet and kind as can be.  and he dresses himself every morning and insists on wearing long socks.  they're always pulled up as far as he possibly can and many times, up to his knees.  he is who he is and i fully embrace every bit of it.

i so love what i do and am so darn grateful, i could scream.  as i've said before, i feel we are blessed with this gift to photograph...and i'm a firm believer in giving back whenever possible with this awesome gift we've been blessed with.  donating my time to school auctions is one of the ways i so love to give back.

how about you...what ways do you give back with the gift you've been blessed with?

the deaf girl sings

i had to register kiele for school before she returned from her dad's (she spends the summer with him).  kiele has three electives this year and i had to choose them for her.  art was a no-brainer.  then i selected yearbook and theater, after discussing all the options with her.  since she participated in the no limits theater group for deaf | hard of hearing children for three years, i thought theater would be a breeze for kiele. OH MY GOSH!

coleman middle school theater is musical theater.  they just happened to forget the musical part of it when they told me about it and kiele found out on the first day of school.  ummm...yea...musical...like...yea...similar to glee.  their first song, to learn and sing, is jump by van halen.  the glee version.

OH MY GOSH!

prior to school starting, kiele said,

i hope i don't have to sing in theater.  i'm so not singing.

she's singing alright!  and the girl can't keep a tune if you paid her (lots of money). but in all seriousness, her dad has a great singing voice so maybe kiele just needs a bit of training...on listening to the tune. and singing.  just maybe...she has a wonderful singing voice like her daddy (and not like her mommy). ;-)

and as her theater teacher said to kiele,

don't worry.  it's going to be great.

when i picked kiele up from school today, one of the first things she shared was,

i think theater is going to be my favorite class this year.

and my heart melted.  i can't help but think about all kiele has and continues to accomplish.  she inspires me beyond words. and pretty much inspires everyone she meets.

all in all, things have gone pretty great.  kiele's school services are in place, including CART.  we (the IEP team) are meeting again in three months to "evaluate how kiele is doing" -- whatever that really means.  hopefully by then, the school staff will fully realize how very much kiele utilizes and needs CART to have equal access to communication.

and there's always something to open my eyes that much more, in regards to what kiele does and does not hear in the classroom...

yesterday, kiele's CART provider told me that kiele was sitting at a table with a few other girls.  the girls were chatting with one another (a conversation that a normal-hearing person would clearly hear).  the CART provider noticed that kiele didn't seem to be hearing them and sent kiele a message (through CART), asking her if she was hearing what the girls were saying.  kiele wasn't and so the CART provider asked kiele if she wanted her to type what they were saying (gossiping).  kiele said no.

the way CART works is...if it's something kiele would hear if she was a normal-hearing child, the transcriber will type it.

it blew me away that kiele couldn't hear the kids talking at her own table--right next to her.  made me a bit sad too, thinking about all the casual conversation that kiele might be missing out on, at school.  but then i refocus and am just so overwhelming grateful that kiele can hear...period. A-MA-ZING!!

so here's to kiele having a most amazing school year and...singing!!  singing proudly, no matter what the tune.  :-)

in closing, sharing a quick snap from yesterday, their first day of school... p.s. none of them were happy about having their picture taken. go figure.

today's photos

that was the title of my email, back on feb 17, 2006 -- 1-1/2 months after purchasing a DSLR and deciding to pursue photography. my great friend and fellow military spouse, shawn, found the emails and forwarded them to me today.  it's just so crazy to see images and read my thoughts, from when i first started photography.  and to think about where i am today.  i just feel so grateful!!

i get a lot of emails, from people inquiring about tips, recommendations for learning, business advice, etc.  and time and time again, i tell them something similar to this...

my best advice is to study, learn and practice as much as you can, from as many avenues as you can (books, online, peers, mentors, etc.). learning photography and becoming a good photographer takes time, dedication and hard work (lots and lots of each).  look within and allow yourself to grow...from within.  be cautious in comparing yourself to others (often a big mistake in the beginning).  there's no secrets.  there's no magic.  be passionate, honest patient and work your ass off.

here's what i had to say and share back then, feb 17, 2006...

...for photos today. It all started b/c Ryder got into Sky's buggy and it was so darn cute. He was just sitting there in it. So, I pulled down my background, got him undressed, got my camera and put him back in the buggy. Well...now he didn't want to have anything to do with it. I snapped a few and my exposure was off. I did my best to salvage the buggy photo but it still looks yucky. So then I tried to put Ryder on the chair for an opportunity to practice. Ooooh, was he mad. This is what I got out of the five minutes. I still think I ended up with some cute shots. Love the last one...I was trying to shoot his feet b/c he kept putting them like that and at the same time, he was screaming. That was the end!

Now I'm off to take a nap. Those 1 AM nights are really catching up to me today. I'm tired, eyes hurt, headache...pooped!

Deb

and the next day, i wrote this...

Well, Sky was totally into photos today so I ran with it. YAY! We had fun and it only took about five minutes to get these shots. I'm so excited b/c I feel that each day, it's getting easier for me to capture some pretty special moments. We didn't do anything special today...in regular clothes, no fixing hair...just grabbed a couple chairs and started talking.

Enjoy! Deb

it's crazy to think about back then -- starting from nothing and working every single day to learn and grow as much as possible.  i am so grateful to all those who have encouraged and supported me throughout this most amazing journey -- especially my husband and kids.

here i am, today, proud to be a tampa children's and family photographer. i wouldn't be here without each and every one of you, who have been by my side...thank you!

and a couple photos of sky and ryder from earlier this month...

sharing the love

we're back at the house for the last bit of cleaning and to hopefully get all our stuff loaded in the car. sharing a quick iphone pic of sky, from yesterday, during a cleaning break.  we were all hot, sweaty and completely drained.  and well...taking a picture just makes my heart happy .  and by the end of the day yesterday, i really needed a bit of happy.  took a few polaroid photos too, but scanner was already packed and on the truck.

as for our travels, we will be staying with our friends in kansas city, for the next three days, departing kansas on june 30th. overnight stop in IL. three days in WV (attending a wedding there on the 3rd). overnight stop in GA. and finally arriving in tampa the evening of july 5th.  we will be hard core house-hunting, as steve would like to make an offer on a house by july 12th -- so that we can get as close to closing as possible by the time schools start, august 24th.

again, thanks to all those, who have supported and encouraged me this past year in kansas.  and here's to many more incredible adventures during our three years in tampa.

moving day

...is officially tomorrow. i can hardly believe it!! but it's true -- and the boxes that surround me and the ABF moving truck, which sits in my driveway, now set a constant reminder. so many emotions -- gratefulness, sadness, excitement, stress and anxiety -- to mention a few. and a whole lotta chaos!!

tonight, as we continued the packing of our house, we came across this hat, which i bought a long time ago for photos and never used. sky casually put it on and sat in the chair. i glanced over and the light was stunning. i had about a minute or two until she was done -- the hat was off and she was back to playing.

about 30 minutes later, sky called me outside,

momma, hurry. hurry outside. the sunset is beautiful.  hurry momma...hurry.

it took me a minute because of course, i had to grab my camera. and when i went out the basement door, there the three were...and my heat melted. it kind of encapsulated these last days of moving and...doing our best to simply enjoy and make the best of things.

sawhorses, a circular saw, a recently cut piece of wood, and the kids...realizing that it's the perfect place to draw and color together.

yes, the sky was beautiful but hard to photograph from our backyard.  but we sat and watched it together.

so tomorrow, we begin our hotel living.  we will remain in KS until the 30th.  then  head to WV, for a wedding on the 3rd.  we plan to arrive in tampa on july 6th, when the serious house hunting | looking continues.  we're  hoping to commit to a house in the first week or two, as we have to get as close to closing as possible before school starts, on august 24th.

hoping to keep in touch and blog while en route.  i will definitely do my best!!  thanks for all the incredible support this past year!  and an amazing year in KS, it's been.

finding peace

when you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.- author unkown

i almost missed this one. so grateful i didn't because it now screams to my heart. and thank goodness i always go back two or three times before closing a session.

finding peace within myself...amongst the chaos. xo. deb

broken-hearted

if we must part forever,give me but one kind word to think upon and please myself with, while my heart's breaking. - thomas otway

okay, so the quote's a bit dramatic. but that's how i feel right now -- having to leave kansas already is breaking my heart.

it's just not time to part. i'm not done with you yet. can't we just stay together a bit longer...please.

when i think about leaving kansas, i feel so anxious.  i want to in twirl in the fields, run through the corn, pick apples. i feel like there's so much that i want to do. and see. and photograph. i'm just not done!! one year is too short.

yesterday, i took the kids location scouting, for my shoot tomorrow.  and as i drove all around, i thought about how much we have all enjoyed it here.  and how this one-year family adventure that has been so magical almost never happened.

i know military families are probably thinking, don't you feel this way every time you PCS (permanent change of station).

yes, in a way, but i think the shorter the time spent in the location, the stronger the heartbreak.  maybe others would feel the opposite.  i don't know.  i was definitely sad when we left san diego, but after four years, anything not seen, done or accomplished was my own fault. here in kansas, i feel like we just didn't have enough time for a full relationship.

but my memories are many. and i will never forget our time spent here in lansing, kansas -- a place i never dreamed i'd one day live.  and i'm so grateful we did.

thank you kansas for all the fabulous times you brought me and my family this past year. thank you!!

a few shots from our location scouting travels yesterday.  my kids were such troopers, as i drug them all around -- 40-minute drive here, 30-minute drive there, 35-minute drive home.  i promised them that we'll get back to the orchard before we depart -- to play with the dog, cats, chicken and ducks :-)

p.s. don't tell ryder that i showed you this pic.  not sure i have the color quite right yet BUT -- how darn cute is he, with his little farmer's tan and all?  needless to say, temps felt like 100 yesterday, while shooting -- hot, sticky and sweaty...but fun!!

my muse

...turned seven a couple days ago.  and today, we went behind our house to do her seven-year-old pictures. we wiped the chocolate off her face.  threw on a quick dress that was lying around.  added a flower to her hair and a necklace.  a pair of new socks and sparkly, dirty tennies and...off we went.

she picked flowers. and did her own thing. as she always does. i shot. and every now and then asked her to look at me. it always goes something like, sky, can you look at me. like this...just for a second. and she does. for a second. and then goes back to doing her own thing. and i keep doing mine. we just get each other that way.

skyler grace, you are an amazing, amazing child. you keep me on my toes and my guess is that you always will. you make me laugh like no other. your giggle actually makes strangers laugh -- yes, it's that great. you're wise beyond your years. you're witty. you're fabulously messy (shoe here, the other there, back pack in a different spot and jacket somewhere else)...and i love that you are (although i might not share that with you when you're a teen). you're head strong. you hear everything and inquire about everything and then soak it all in. we call you our steel trap and we tell you that you have ears like a bat. you're smart, you work hard and your teacher's adore you. you can be the girliest of girls but kick any boys butt if you wanted to.

when i asked sky to give me her seven-year-old look -- any look -- this is what she gave me (and yes, the glasses had to be a part of the look). when kiele saw the photo as i was editng, she said,

mom, skyler is so going to be one of those girls that hangs out in the clothes stores. you know, the ones who wear those big glasses and stuff.

and i think kiele might just be right.  :-)

i love you sky -- and i thank you for being such a wonderful, kind, giving, strong child. i have no doubt that you are going to go amazing places over the years!! thank you for being confident and being you!! happy seventh birthday sweet girl.

here's a few more from our time together this evening.

follow your heart

your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. and most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. they somehow already know what you truly want to become.- steve jobs

it's so easy to get caught up in being inspired by others', which often results in feeling frustrated and discouraged with our own work. and that's exactly when we need to dig a little deeper, trust ourselves and follow the direction our heart is telling us to go.