so what was it?

saw a great movie last night -- exit through the gift shop. i had absolutely no idea what it was about but saw that another photographer on twitter highly recommended it. that was good enough for me, to put it in my netflix queue. i don't want to give anything away but it's a banksy film, which i didn't know while watching it (thought he was just an actor in the documentary).  peta had introduced me to banksy years ago.

after the movie, i was left wondering... what was it? was he simply brilliant? was he a bit (or more than a bit) crazy? was he uber-confident? was he ultra-determined? was he always meant to be an artist?

i'd like to share a bit more but it would give some of the movie away, so i'll leave it at that. it's really a great documentary and opened my eyes about a lot of things and...made me think.

here's the trailer, although i'm not sure i'd be any more convinced to watch it after watching the trailer...

and an image i love of banksy's. i think i secretly would love to go grafitti inspiring phrases all over town. you know, like you are beautiful and be yourself and you can do anything. okay, maybe it's not so much of a secret anymore. but my husband said no. and with my luck, i'd probably get caught by the cops on my first outing anyways.

.

hope more

yesterday, while i was cooking dinner, kiele presented me with this gift. for no other reason than to give. she wrote the poem. she painted the artwork. and shared that each image in the drawing has a connection with a word or line in the poem.

The Heart of a Whole A catching dream to fade away Along the chanting breeze Not the slightest wisp left behind A teardrop on a fallen song And when the stars blaze I could hope for nothing more Than the dove's surrendered gift Where half my heart goes to To the mother I always love - Kiele Marston 2011 (age 13)

polaroid of kiele, taken this morning before heading off to school

somewhere (wish i remembered where) i was recently reading about how as children, we simply create (draw, cut, paint, etc.) for the love of creating. we don't worry about who is going to like it or if anyone is going to like it.

we created it. we like it. and that's what matters.

and then we grow up and begin questionning ourselves. doubting ourselves. worrying about what others think. but i don't want to be that way; i want to get back to that magical place of childhood, where i create for the love of creating and not worry about what anyone else thinks. i hope (and will hope more as they continue to grow up) that my kids never lose this gift that every child is blessed with -- the gift of creating, for the simple love and enjoyment of creating.

i can't thank my children enough for being my most important and wondrous inspiration -- in my life, in my art, in my every day everything.

meant to be

you know how you feel that you're just meant to do something? well that's how i feel about shooting polaroid. i'm not sure i can explain it. but it nags at me. to keep going. to keep shooting. to keep investing. of course, i struggle with my brain and waiver at times but ultimately, i'm always brought back to this darn polaroid camera.

but it's not easy. nor reliable (especially if you purchase 600 film off ebay, which i don't recommend). and it's expensive. and that can be frustrating.

i'm trying to figure out a way to incorporate polaroid into my client session because i think they're magical. and therefore, i think i should. i have some definite ideas.

here's a few shots from yesterday that have now become up there with my all time fav photographs.

yes, i believe it's meant to be. and well...that's good enough for me.

and of course, i have the 'remember who you are' polaroid, which i will forever treasure. and is now hanging as a framed 20x20 print right above my desk. maybe i'll enlarge and frame a few others and have a wall of polaroids.

how my brain works

i was twittering yesterday about how i'm so inspired to shoot polaroid right now.  and proceeded to purchase packs of film for my treasured SX-70 polaroid camera.  i then emailed back and forth a with a friend about inspiration. my brain is usually a mile a minute. always has been. probably always will be, although now that i'm older, i find that if i don't write things down, i forget.  i guess that complicates things a big.  but it's the way i work. i'm usually thinking about 20 (or more) things at once. and my body usually follows suit. it often drives leah, who i talk to about five or so times a day, crazy because while we're so similar in so many ways, the way our brains work is so very different. i often flip-flop from topic to topic in one short conversation and she will usually tell me,

i'm not at that place to talk about that right now.

and so i've learned and now our conversations go more like this,

when you're at the place to talk about XYZ, we need to talk about that. we both laugh. she says okay and we later get around to talking about XYZ.

so with that rambling, let me get back to inspiration. i feel that inspiration filters in the same way my brain works and it is often overwhelming. i want to shoot polaroid. i want to try film. with this camera. and that camera. or maybe i should just start playing with my iphone camera more and see what i can create. i want to try this idea. and work on this series. and that idea too. and the list goes on and on. and on and on. to the point that i somewhat paralyze myself, my shooting and my inspired self.

i haven't quite figured out what to do about all this, except maybe writing down everything i want to do and try and am inspired by. and tackle it like i do my to-do lists. circle the priority or two on said inspiration list and commit to following through. i don't know if it will help but it's worth a try. focus my artistry as i am trying to focus my personal life and get things done.

or maybe just try yoga because i hear it's pretty awesome and it might calm my mind a bit. for the moment, the thought of yoga still scares me (that i can't calm my mind).

i know i'm not alone with this. if you struggle with similar or have thoughts on this, please share. i'd love to hear about it.

here's a polaroid of sky i took as we headed out the door to school yesterday.  definitely more polaroids in the near future.  i can't tell you how happy my heart is with that darn camera. one of these days, i'd love to incorporate polaroids into my client sessions.  i definitely have ideas regarding a polaroid add-on package.  just have to get comfortable with the new film that the impossible project is putting out. there's something magical about polaroid.

the power of giving

while i was on vacation, in nevada, i got an email from margot.  she was emailing to make sure it was okay that they used one of my photos of sam in their 2010 family photos, which she wanted to post on  her blog. the first thought that came to mind, along with the tears, was, are you KIDDING me? you NEVER have to ask me about using the photos i took of sam. but instead, i replied,

absolutely. and please don't ever feel you need to ask me about using sam's photos at anytime, for anything. please just use them.

for those who didn't follow my journey with sam and his family, let me share a bit. sam went to the same elementary school in san diego, as kiele. i had learned of sam from kiele's deaf itinerant teacher, diane (sam was hearing impaired due to chemo). i asked diane to share with sam's parents that i was available to them any time at all, to photograph sam and their family. time went on. life was busy. and i hadn't heard from sam's parents.

then one day in late 2006, while photographing kiele's classmates, i ran to sam's class and asked the teacher if i could pull sam out of class for a few photos. i knew sam's teacher because kiele had had her for 2nd grade. so i pulled sam out of class and took a few photos. once the prints arrived, i boxed them up, brought them to sam's teacher and asked that she give them to the parents and tell them that they are a gift from me.

one of those photos, from the very first time i photographed sam, is the framed photo below.

© meredith brunette

i share this for a couple of reasons: first, the power of giving back is beyond words. if you haven't given back in some way (and i'm not talking monetarily; we all have our gifts, talents, information, etc.), i beg you to. give when and however you can. it can be as simple as giving a helping hand to someone in need. second, don't be discouraged whenever attempting to give and it's not working out exactly as planned. if i've made an honest, whole-hearted attempt and it doesn't work out, that's all i can do (except with sam, i was able to find a workaround). the reason i say this is because i have received quite a few emails sharing that they are trying to give their photography services but the person / parent isn't responding and they're wondering how to proceed.

it amazing how when  you give and expect absolutely nothing in return, they fill your heart so greatly. these families that i have photographed over the years have touched my heart and soul and given me so much...more than words could ever describe.

after those initial photos of sam at school, i continued to photograph sam and his family for the next three years...until sam, after so much strength and fighting, sadly lost his battle to neuroblastoma on march 12th, 2010.

in memory of sam, here are some of my favorite photos from the years i photographed him. miss you buddy!

if you haven't already, i hope this will help inspire you to incorporate giving into your 2011.

our role in history

a couple weeks ago, steph shared this amazing photograph with me (beyond the obvious capture of the moment, there's such awesome timing and composition). the photo was taken mid-february 1975, when mike (steph's husband) was about 10 weeks old. mike's dad, bill, was coming back from a six-month deployment on the USS independence, where bill was an A7 corsair II jet pilot, doing his department head tour.

and then there's this photo, taken december 18th 2010 of mike's homecoming, from being deployed six months.  he, too, met his baby for the first time, at 10 weeks old.  and mike, too, is a fighter pilot, who was doing his department head tour.

i feel so incredibly blessed to have captured this image for the beaty family.  hopefully it will be a photograph that will be treasured and passed down for generations, just as above photo from 1975 has.

+++

my friends and i have talked a lot about photographs and their role in history, especially those coming from professional, editorial, etc. photographers. what's real? what's not? what has been altered? what's been added? the thought of photographers altering the photographic documentation of history is upsetting.  are they documenting history at all? or creating their own history, in a sense.

although i have to admit...sadly, i am guilty.  i'm not sure my kids have many photos that haven't been altered in some way (contrast added, a pimple removed, etc.). and yes, that makes me sad. damn it.

hmmm...maybe that's an idea to start this year.  in my family's annual book, i will include at least one completely unaltered photo of each of my kids.  i like the idea of the photo being of them non-smiling.  just them being them. kind of like this...

found via pinterest.  amazing, huh?!! quite a brilliant idea. i couldn't find the exact source for the above photo collage, but when i clicked it from my pinterest, it took me to this blog.

yes, i will definitely do that. at least one photo. it's a start. and i think i'll make that one photo film.

ETA: my sweet friend, erin, just posted a comment about the 'perfect shot' and i can't tell you how guilty i am of that so i wanted to add here.  i long to let go. to be free. it was actually one of my monthly resolution topics -- LET GO (being less perfect) -- to capture the everything just the way it is. stepping back and capturing more of the scene is something i am going to really try and work on this year. thanks for sharing erin. love you friend.

friendship & inspiration

we met the C family when we lived on whidbey island, WA.  our husbands worked in the same EOD unit.  we lived on the same circle and our houses were separated by a playground.  and we fell in love with the C family the moment we met them.  our families were stationed together for two years and they helped us get through our own deployment (steve left when i was three months pregnant and he returned a couple weeks before ryder was born). and it just so happens that the C family now lives  only about 10 minutes from my friend, steph.  it had been six years since i last saw them and it was so, so awesome to see them again!!  they haven't changed a bit...except the girls are now 16 and 14 instead of 10 and 8.  oh my!!

also, i have to share that lou was my inspiration for starting crossfit.  we're friends on facebook and i had been reading her posts about how much she loves crossfit and how it was life-changing for her.  here's a before and after photo of lou.  the after photo is about one year later and 35 pounds lighter.  her strength, focus, passion and determination inspires me daily.

and here's some photos i took, while i was there this past weekend.  they sure did an amazing job at not looking cold.  it was 34 degrees when we were doing these.  i had on a parka; they kept running into the heated car to warm up for short bits.

and then lou's beloved dog, Pnut, joined us for a few photos...

i'm so looking forward to going back to virginia beach this april, when i'll be doing rachel's senior pictures.  woot woot!!  and of course, i'll get to hang out with this awesome family again.

the joy of giving

i am just a human being.for me, everyone is the same... what is the ultimate purpose of life? it's to give. start giving. feel the joy of giving. - narayanan krishnan

i saw this on someone's blog (can't remember where) earlier in the week and didn't have time to watch.  today, i saw it again on my friend, crystalyn's, FB stream.  and watched.  let me just say that i was moved to tears.

a former professional chef in a five-star restaurant in india. now feeding the homeless, mentally ill destitute and old people, who have been left, uncared for. but not only caring for their nutritional needs, he goes further...

this man is so much more than a kind and decent man. he is an absolutely amazing and inspiring man.  he could have stopped at nutritionally feeding these people in need, but he didn't.  i would love to give so incredibly, so selflessly -- one day.

for the moment, it really has me thinking about how i can give more. give greater. right here. right now. i know i can be doing more.

holy shit balls

heard about this on the radio this morning and had to google when i got home. i got chills watching it. serious chills. you just never know what can happen, when you take a risk.  i have no doubt this boy will be famous soon enough.

the person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. he may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live. - leo buscaglia

a life of hope

...there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful.- elizabeth edwards

such incredible words from an amazing, courageous woman.  let us all find the strength to live a life of hope and have a positive impact in this world.  life is truly the most precious gift!

pay it forward

i'm seeing pay if forward all over facebook and twitter today.  what a cool thing to go viral.  i hope it does. i have no idea who david mundo is but apparently, he started this annual pay it forward day on december 1st.  so i googled "pay it forward day' and found that there's an official pay it forward day on april 28th...but who cares.  i'm in for paying it forward on december 1st and doing my part to help it go viral.

this is what it's all about...

Pay It Forward Day December 1st, 2010

‘Tis the Season! A random act of kindness goes a long way so…

PAY IT FORWARD!!

What can you do? On December 1st... • Pay for someone’s cup of coffee… • Buy someone some groceries… • Get the next person’s gas… • Help someone out… • Donate something… • Be creative!

When you do something for someone there’s a good chance they’ll do something for someone else. If not, at least you’ve done a good deed for someone.

So on December 1st share some kindness and spread some joy! It can be as little as a few dollars or as much as you want. No one needs to know!

are you in? hope so!!

if you do participate, i'd love to know what your random act of kindness was; please share in the comments.  i'll ETA mine later today.  hmmm...maybe i'll go through the starbucks drive-thru simply to purchase the next person's cup of coffee.

ETA: after my workout this morning, i stopped at xtreme juice for a shot of wheat grass and a smoothie.  got my stuff. walked out. and then back in...thinking it was the perfect place to pay it forward.  purchased the next person's smoothie and asked the girl to just tell the person that it was simply a random act of kindness.  :-))

hope through photographs

last night, we finally got around to watching born into brothels (2004).

OMG!  amazing. sad. painful. disturbing. powerful. hopeful. incredible. inspiring. just a few words that come to mind, when i think about the movie.  seriously, i highly recommend to all.  and i just came across this update, as i longed to know what happened to the kids.

you can also see the kids, who were featured in the movie, and some of their incredible photographs here.  looks like the hope house was supposed to start construction late 2010. i wonder if they started building?

This will be a nurturing safe haven where up to 100 girls from Calcutta's red light district can come to live and develop the strength and skills to change their own circumstances while remaining connected to their families.

and now i seriously long to watch this documentary -- marwencol.

you can see mark hogancamp's photographs here.  and a list of theaters, where the movie will be showing in the coming months -- here.  i'm so hoping the movie eventually comes to tampa (or somewhere closer than four hours) or i guess i'll just have to wait till it comes on netflix.

thankful for

life. love. family. my children. hope. today. tomorrow. photography. my home. inspiration. coffee. happiness. new friends. old friends. a day at the beach. a clean house. my husband. hoodies. journaling. a great pair of boots. a beautiful sunset. a crisp breeze. family pets. dreaming. hoping. believing. military. peace. opportunities. safety. comfort. health. a good book. memories. freedom. optimism. wonderful neighbors. email. dreadlocks. a great snowfall. encouragement. a tough workout. nachos. sincere apologies. music. hugs. the arts. incredible schools. cochlear implants. a handwritten note. getting along. rest. laughter. reconnecting. travel. being respectful. passion. strength. cell phones. dinners together. technology. smiles. random acts of kindness. family traditions. autumn leaves. each new day.

happy thanksgiving!!

advice

i love her blog.i longed for the release of her book. and now i can't seem to bring myself to buy it. i mean i really want it. but then i struggle. i want to document my own advice to my kids.

polaroid from last year, in kansas.

and that brings me to another thought. my dear friends in san diego, who i cherish more than they'll ever know -- terry and richard. richard has battled cancer a few times (30 years ago, a few years ago and now) i remember so clearly when he was fighting MALT lymphoma a few years ago. you see... richard is the most amazing pediatrician (and man)!! they call him the baby whisperer. he's shared his thoughts, advice and medical wisdom with so many over the years. anyone who has had the opportunity to meet him and learn from him is so very blessed. and the thought of him not being able to share this with his own children (no grandchildren yet)... is a painful thought. so he began writing. creating a book... of this thoughts. guidance. wisdom. to pass on. through the years. through the generations. i'm not sure where things stand with his book. but i hope and pray he's been writing over these past few years. i definitely will be asking (and encouraging) the next time i talk to him.

a photo from when terry and richard first started dating. we had snuck it out, printed it huge and displayed it for their surprise 40th anniversary party.

terry & richard, with one of their sons and his new wife, at their wedding celebration this past summer.

so the folder has just been created and now sits on my desktop. as i begin to document my own advice. thoughts. anything. to pass on to my kids. and hopefully to their kids. and on and on.

thanks for the inspiration jaime. i will eventually buy the book.  it truly seems awesome. and... i mean really, could my kids ever have too much wonderful advice?!!

p.s. polaroid post still coming. in the next few days.  sometimes i just get a little side-tracked.

remember who you are

emily -- a previous workshop attendee, a client, my friend -- inquired the other day about purchasing a remember who you are print.

me: of course. emily:  i'd like to order a 20x20 print. me:  really? emily:  of course.

i had never printed one of my polaroids 20x20 before but she had. she printed this one that i took of lulu, during their session a few months ago. and now, the two will hang side by side in her house. i so can't wait to see.

after i placed the order, i shared the story of the remember who you are polaroid with emily and thought it would be fun to share here too...

a few years back, i attended a mary ellen mark workshop in venice beach, calif. the weekend was beyond amazing. not only did i get to listen to mary ellen mark speak and have my portfolio reviewed by her, i got to each breakfast and dinner with her all weekend (we just happened to be staying in the same hotel). just she and i sharing. it really was a dream come true because she (and sally mann) have been huge inspirations for me, from the very beginning.

so...as i headed back to san diego in the pouring rain, i passed the remember who you are painted on a garage door in an alley. i drove by. stopped. and backed up to take the polaroid. as i drove away, i prayed that it was going to turn out (i have PLENTY of polaroids that have not).

i can't help but think it was all meant to be.  the polaroid is and always will be one of my favorite images ever.

both images courtesy of emily corey

i think i'll share a bit more about shooting polaroids tomorrow.  i've been getting emailed a lot of questions lately. believe me...i'm no expert but i'm always willing to share my personal experience.

ETA: i really am longing to own a mary ellen mark print.  and when i was looking through her work today, i came across this one. oh my. it's just fabulous. a print that i think i'll appreciate more and more and more over the years. :-) © mary ellen mark

"learn to create. learn to hope."

my friend just told me about this documentary -- born into brothels. i so can't wait to see it!!

so powerful

this takes my breath away. i don't even know what to say other than that at this moment.  i'm pretty much speechless. © david jay

the SCAR project

The SCAR Project is a series of large-scale portraits of young breast cancer survivors shot by fashion photographer David Jay. Primarily an awareness raising campaign, The SCAR Project puts a raw, unflinching face on early onset breast cancer while paying tribute to the courage and spirit of so many brave young women.

Dedicated to the more than 10,000 women under the age of 40 who will be diagnosed this year alone The SCAR Project is an exercise in awareness, hope, reflection and healing. The mission is three-fold: Raise public consciousness of early-onset breast cancer, raise funds for breast cancer research/outreach programs and help young survivors see their scars, faces, figures and experiences through a new, honest and ultimately empowering lens.

The SCAR Project subjects range from ages 18 to 35 and represent the often overlooked group of young women living with breast cancer. (Breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer deaths in young women ages 15-40). They journey from across America and the world to be photographed for The SCAR Project. Nearly 100 so far. The youngest 18.

Although Jay began shooting The SCAR Project primarily as an awareness raising campaign he was not prepared for something much more immediate . . . and beautiful: “For these young women, having their portrait taken seems to represent their personal victory over this terrifying disease. It helps them reclaim their femininity, their sexuality, identity and power after having been robbed of such an important part of it. Through these simple pictures, they seem to gain some acceptance of what has happened to them and the strength to move forward with pride.

david jay | photographer

steve's mom died of breast cancer when she was 40.  steve was five.

you can view a temporary, crazy powerful, emotional gallery here.

and you can find the SCAR project's facebook page here.

"make spirit"

sharing something fun to start your day off. can't help but smile, when watching this...

okay, maybe one more.  watching the people watch the people is so hilarious.

and nothing better than everyone being happy!!  love that guy at the end. :-)

want to see more, check out improv everywhere.

living creatively

if i only scrape a living, at least it's a living where i'm scraping. if there's no future in it, this is a present worth remembering.

for fires of happiness and waves of gratitude. for everything that brought us to that point on earth at that moment in time, to do something worth remembering with a photograph, or a scar -i feel genuinely lucky and hand on heart say i love doing what i do. and i may never be a rich man, or live long enough, then sadly i have a tale or two for the nephews. and i dig the thought of that. - mickey smith | photographer

More Surfing Videos

saw this on my friend, heather's blog. A-MA-ZING!  the photographer - film combination is breathtaking.  i just had to share here.please take the six minutes to watch, listen and be inspired!!

the dark side of the lens (about surfing photographer mickey smith | filmed by astray films) was part of a project called short stories, established by the UK's relentless energy drink. the project challenged filmmakers to create short films that explored the lives of artists. you can see more incredible short films here.

unfortunately mr. smith's new website is coming soon. you can find his blog here.

p.s. be sure to check out heather's work too. she's not only an awesome photographer, but an equally incredible person.

love, hope & a little kindness

this was my fifth time photographing the mcnulty family, in san diego (and i adore them).

but this time, things were a bit different. danielle asked if i was willing to also photograph her mother-in-law, her sons and her grandsons. all boys in the mcnulty family thus far.

of course!

she requested pacific beach pier as they are a big surfing family. so the session went on, as most family session do  -- photographing the extended family, the individual families, the kids, etc. we were almost done with the session, when i went to grandma mary to ask her if i could get a picture of her by herself. i thought she was just picking something up, but learned that as she went to reach for one of her grandkids, her wedding band flew off and she was trying to find it -- somewhere in the sand.

OH. MY. GOSH. how in the world are we going to find a wedding band in all this sand...on the beach??

soon, we were all looking for grandma mary's wedding band -- mary. myself. danielle. the sons. the grandsons.

then, as if sent from Heaven, i see a guy walking down the beach, with one of those metal-finding-contraptions. i ran to him and begged him to help us, although it really didn't take much begging. and so he joined us in the search.

as we were sifting through the sand, i learned that this ring was even more special than i could have imagined.

mary and patrick were married in 1960 and had five boys. when mary was 33 and patrick was 45 (in 1972), he died suddenly of a massive heart attack -- leaving behind mary and the five boys, ranging in age, from 3 to 12 at the time. mary never remarried and raised the boys on her own. inscribed in mary's wedding, by patrick, is "The sun and the moon", from shakespeare.

OH. MY. GOSH. we HAVE to find this wedding ring. we HAVE to find this ring!!!!!

from the moment the boys started looking for their mom's ring, all i heard was...

don't worry mom, we'll find it. we'll find your ring mom. keep looking...we'll find it.

there was so much hope. belief. support. and encouragement.  it was pretty magical to see and hear. and be a part of.

and i have to share that if it wasn't for the kindness of the man with metal-finding-contraption, i don't think we would have ever found mary's wedding ring. he was the one who eventually found the band...buried in the sand.

money was offered to him for helping us.  but he didn't take it.  he said he was just happy to help.

of course, i had to get a picture of mary and the ever-so-kind good samaritan.