you're important enough...

the below is summarized from cheryl jacob's amazing post on further exploring this concept:

every time you photograph someone, you tell them, ' you're important enough to remember.' make the most of it.

What if we, as portrait photographers, approached every session this way? How would it effect our interactions with our subjects, and therefore our work?

When you point your lens toward another person, you are telling them that they noteworthy; that of all the people in the world, they alone have your attention at this moment in time. You have the golden and rare opportunity to transform the simple act of photographing a person, into the forming of a human connection that didn’t exist before.

Challenge yourself to make all of your subjects feel important. Be generous with yourself. Slow down. Learn something significant about each of your subjects, whether they’re two years old, or eighty-two years old. Make a connection. Remember always that you get what you give.

i try and read cheryl's words often...and really think about them, which is why i end up posting about her quite a bit (she's just so darn inspiring).  she has so much wisdom to share. and...she's willing to share!! i don't want to just read her words and think they're great; i want to truly embrace them.

through reading cheryl's writings, i'm always encouraged to investigate myself as a photographer... why do i do what i do? what kind of photographer do i want to be? what kind of photography do i want to offer? what does it all mean to me? what is really important?

i deeply hope that each and every one of my clients can say that they had a great time and felt respected and important and...that they received photographs that they love and will cherish for a very, very long time.

this photograph is from my first client session--and a photograph that will forever be one of my favorites (and hopefully the client's too).  it's also a photograph that i brought to cheryl jacob's workshop, for review, back in 2006, shortly after launching my photography business.

exciting news

my friend, leah, and i have been talking about doing a workshop for years now.  going back and forth... should we? shouldn't we? if we do it, we have to do it right. and we want ours to be different. truly and deeply inspiring. learning and growing... together. and then things started happening. sort of falling in our lap. and so we did.

for months, we have been working to make our workshop dream a reality. and today, we officially launched wallflower friends | a photographer's retreat. we feel so very blessed and grateful to be at this point in our photography journey and we're so excited to share!!

gratitude

we tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing what we do have.- frederick koenig

yes, it's thanksgiving and i'm thankful.  so thankful, i can barely stand it. i try really, really hard to be grateful each and every day...but on this day, a day that highlights being thankful and appreciative, the emotions overwhelm me.  i find myself teary throughout the day, as thoughts of gratefulness consume me. i was going to list some of my gratitude biggies but decided not to, as i don't want to forget anyone or anything.  but you know who you are and i am so, so grateful for you!!  truly and deeply.

on this day, i also go back to last year, when steve was not with us (for seven months), on thanksgiving...and i think about what we have today--together!!  this has been a really, really special assignment for us, where steve is home early almost every day and is an active part of each and every bit of our family.  we get to spend so much time together--time that i absolutely cherish and never want to forget.  next year will most likely involve another deployment and even if it doesn't, it will involve long work hours and time away from the family...which brings me back to being so grateful and cherishing every morsel of today.

i'd also like to say a special thank you to those who are not able to be with their loved ones today.  thank you for your strength through this holiday time and your days apart!!

i am so very blessed! i am extremely thankful!

happy thanksgiving everyone!!

trust yourself

you have to discover you, what you do and trust it.- barbara streisand

every time i come home from a photo shoot, i mark my favorites and begin editing my favorites of the favorites. one by one, the process continues over a week or two...

when i got home from this shoot, i marked and opened this photo right away and there it sat...for hours. i went back to it over and over again, just looking at it.

i love it. but why? i know this is a photo that a lot won't understand...or like. they'll probably think it's weird hmmm...but i love it. for some reason.

more time passed.  i edited a bunch of other photos.  and then i went back to this photo.  it went on like that for a while.

yes, there's still something about this image. that i love. i need to edit it.

and i did. a few times actually. and later, when michelle and i were chatting, she said,

what's it like to be in your brain?

of course, my response was,

huh? what do you mean?

i would have passed that photo right over and you've made it a work of art.

that got me thinking even more.

why? why did i connect with this photo, as i did?

after a lot of thought, it hit me.  and i shared some personal thoughts with her...

it's the beauty. the mystery. running from our past. a past of troubles. and pain. to a future of happiness. the thought of possibly not having what he have now. and being lost without it. this could be you. it could be me. or it could be someone that's stuck in the middle and trying to figure it all out.

+++

i often talk about how (for me) photography is more than just shooting, pressing a button to process the images and handing the photographs over to my clients. it's about feeling each and every image. not that every image evokes an intense amount of feeling, but that's part of the beauty of it all--recognizing those that do.

yesterday, my dear friend, erin, talked a bunch about crafting your style--your particular voice.  and i so loved what she said here:

style can also be interpreted as a particular voice.  what do you want to say?  i firmly believe that to have your own voice through a camera, you really need to know who you are as a person.  what do you want to say as an individual?  if you know what you want to say as a person, then it becomes infinitely easier to know what you want to say through your camera.

find yourself and trust yourself and make sure that when you find your voice, it speaks loudly throughout, from beginning to end.  it's definitely a process...finding yourself and all.  a magical one of sorts.  however, it is also one that will occasionally be sprinkled with moments of self doubt, which brings me back to...trust yourself.

ETA:  i have to remind myself of all this over and over again.  having confidence and trusting myself doesn't come easy.

just being me

i'd rather be happy every day, than sadi'd rather be laughing every day, than crying i'd rather be me, than someone i'm not. - author unknown

i was contacted a while back by this amazing photographer.

hi!  i'm seriously interested in you doing our family's photos this year.

really?  no way.  i seriously love your work. the session was scheduled.  and then rescheduled twice, due to weather (something i'm not really used to happening, having relocated from san diego and all). but thank goodness...because the session finally happened yesterday and it was such a fabulous, fabulous day.  michelle and family drove four hours for me to do their session.  needless to say, i was beyond flattered.  actually, it went more like this...

i can't believe she wants me to do her family's photographs. oh man, i'm so nervous. i really hope i don't fuck these up. i hope she's happy with what i show her. i still can't believe she wants me to do her photos.

it's hard photographing a fellow photographer's family, especially one you so admire. it's funny because you look at other photographers' work, with admiration for what they produce....knowing it's different than yours.  sometimes it makes you question what you produce.

over the days, i went back and forth thinking...

i don't shoot like her. will she be happy with the way i shoot...with what i show her?  how will i pull this off?

but in the end, i realized (again) that i have to be confident in myself and what i produce.  i am not everyone else.  i am me! and i know that i'm being wholeheartedly true to myself and giving each and every client (fellow photographer or not) all i have to give.

yesterday was a magical connection (one that i'll blog more about tomorrow) and some of my favorite photographs ever.

i'm grateful for opportunities like this. so very thankful...that she trusted me, to do this for her. so very, very blessed to be doing what i love (although sometimes i still can't believe it :-).

here's a few of my favorites...

lucky

it's about a moment in time, about fun, youth and courage.it's about a time when quality and pride came first. we always marched to the tune of our own drummer and never lined up to do it like everybody else. we are about innocence, courage and fun. it's about when you hear something that takes you back to the moment when you felt free, young and hopeful.

so i noticed today that the above was written on the inside of my new, hot pink, most fabulous LUCKY BRAND hoodie.

i've always loved LUCKY BRAND. and now i love them even more.

i hope to always feel young, courageous and hopeful.

HAVE A NICE DAY :-)

getting started

i've made a family book every year, since starting photography, in 2006.  and today, i began designing our annual family book and wanted to include a couple of the kids' drawings this year. when kiele saw what i was doing, she asked if she could write a poem about our family, for the book. of course!

she said it like it is.  i love that.  and it so cracks me up...

blue eyes, blonde hair, sweet little giggles and pink dresses...that's our sky. acts tough + goofy + funny smiles + dirty blonde hair + deep blue eyes is the math equation for ryder. horse rider, light blonde hair, deaf, blue eyes and a good friend is a child named kiele. both step and father, brown hair, tri-colored eyes, an engineer and in the military...a wonderful guy named steve. mother to three, rings everywhere, changing temperment, blonde hair, thinking blue eyes is a photographer named deb. cheerful barks, a wagging stumpy tail, sly and black all over is the furry charley bear! kiele, age 12

and here's a snapshot of the layout of the book. it will greatly evolve over the next few weeks, but at least i'm now off to a good start.  i'll share the book layout once it's done.

be still, my heart

as if... as if i needed any more reason to love anthropolgie. i mean, seriously! i can't get enough of simply walking into the store for nothing more than being inspired. however, once i'm in, it's hard to walk out without purchasing anything.

and now anthropolgie has launched the anthropologist.

and they had me at the opening page -- what is inspiration?

The Anthropologist is an online space for inspiring works and inspiring individuals.

It is a testament to the idea that revealing the passions of one person can result in the progress of many. - the anthropologist about page

sigh! i love it so!!

i do find the website a bit confusing, yet rather enticing at the same time. just when i think i've figured things out, i'm back to being a bit confused on where to go next and how to get there. but i've only just begun...i'm sure soon enough, i will have every click well figured out, if not memorized.

so, so very excited!

closing with a pic of ryder today, taken with my vintage polaroid.  this is how i often find ryder, when watching TV.  and man, i love the way the polaroid captured the light coming in the windows.

this might just be for you

what if this is itright here right now your defining moment

what if every event, heartache, and mistake was perfectly planned to lead you into the situation you presently find yourself in

what if mystic voices whispered answers to you while you sleep and people are carefully thrown in your path all for the evolution of your greatest good whether you like them or not

what if it did not matter what you did or said or felt in the past

what if it was not an accurate prediction of what your future will look like

what if you were not the only one feeling this way tired and lost joyful and free all at the same time

what if others were also thirsty for the same soul balm you were craving

what if you could meet them simply by following your own truth

what if the reason you don’t fit in feel outside the box outside the norm is because you were not built to fit but to create your own molds and make your own set of rules

what if they were wrong the mean voices that live in your head that say things like “no you can’t” and “that is not possible” and “what a stupid idea”

what if those voices do not belong to you but some hurt angry child you never met that needs love and care

what if your faults were also your assets disguised as flaws

what if nothing was random not even a spilled cup of coffee or a broken heel on the way to work

what if there is no one left to impress

what if there is nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with them

what if it was all stripped away

your comforts distractions addictions and praise

so you could finally meet the raw, naked version of yourself

who is much stronger and bad ass than you expected

what if this helps you see what you are really made of

and you realize that is it not only more than enough but that you

yes you dear soul are nothing short of extraordinary! - the words of the gifted, magical soul, mccabe russell (shared with permission) ...and just think about it.

editing, editing & more editing...

...and a few breaks in between. yep, editing is about all i seem to be doing these days...but whose complaining.  i'm seriously lucky and grateful to be busy editing. but every now and then, i need a break...and when i break, i often go visit some of my favorite blogs (i have lots of them).  well, color me katie (i've mentioned her blog before)...always brings a smile to my face.  she is incredibly creative.  seriously, amazingly, fabulously creative.  today, i watched her latest improv everywhere grocery store musical.  hilarious!

if you haven't seen katie's color me katie blog...you must check it out.  the world needs more katies!

and a few photos from my recent san diego sessions...

i love this idea

how cool is this?!!

a perpetual photo wall calendar (photo courtesy of photojojo).

so love!! saw the idea on a couple blogs and then one of them led me to photojojo's DIY tutorial.

i'm so doin' myself!!

i thought it would be a cool idea to do a number finding adventure in downtown leavenworth or kansas city, together as a family.  what a great way for everyone to play a part in the design and to always have a part of kansas with us (our time here has been amazing!).  can't wait to get started.  and i'll definitely share the results, when i'm done.

and if you don't feel like taking on the project yourself, little brown pen offers an awesome perpetual calendar for sale here.

note: if you're family, please don't buy one because you just might be getting a kansas-inspired calendar for christmas.

this is me.

there comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:this is me damn it! i look the way i look, think the way i think, feel the way i feel, love the way i love! i am a whole, complex package. take me...or leave me. accept me...or walk away! do not try and make me feel like less of a person, just because i don't fit your idea of who i should be. and don't try to change me to fit your mold. if i need to change, i alone will make that decision. when you are strong enough to love yourself !00%, good and bad--you will be amazed by the opportunities that life presents you. - stacey charter

the other day, i so longed to shoot for me--to create images that emerge from my soul. with the goal of pleasing no one else but me.  selfish? i guess. needed? absolutely. as a portrait photographer, i'm commissioned by families, to shoot for them. while i always stay true to my style and a part of me is infused into each and every photograph, in the end, i'm still shooting for them.

so on monday, while the little ones were at gymnastics, kiele and i went to go find a location to shoot. thankfully she was game to shoot too. having a specific shot in mind, as i usually do when shooting for me, i desired a forest-looking location. we found one cool woodsy area, but not the right light. then behind a building, i noticed the perfect little spot--weeds, trees and great light. there even seemed to be a bit of a matted path, which made it easy to walk further into the woods. so i parked behind the building and began shooting kiele in the weeds. soon thereafter, i noticed these men smoking on the side of the building. clearly, they were employees. kiele and i followed the path a bit further into the woods when all of a sudden i hear,

hello. helllllooo. (whistle. whistle.)

hellooooo. (whistle. whistle.)

i'm not sure why, but my initial thought was that it was some kids and we needed to go. the keys were in the car, along with my purse...and everything else.

kiele. come on. hurry. come on.

of course, she couldn't hear me because i had put her implant in my pocket, while shooting. so pulling her along...camera in my hand and kiele with raven mask on, we appear from the woods and two men (aka DHL employees) are looking in my car (they had opened my passenger door). they told me that i'm not allowed to park on their property and i have to leave immediately. i had parked in the very back, right next to the woods, where there was nothing...no parking spots, nothing.

i shared a few words with them and left, hoping that i had gotten what i longed for.

and i did. these make my heart happy.

p.s. my fav image of the three is the last one.  i'm planning to go out again to do different shots, focusing on the nest (no mask).  we found the nest at the apple orchard, while apple picking.  it had fallen out of one of the apple trees and was sitting empty next to a tree.  i love it so.

i'm in love.

i'm so in love with this project--the true love project by photographer zack seckler.  it makes my heart swell! and watching the video and hearing a couple of the people talk about their experience had me in tears.  of course, i'm PMSing and turning 40 tomorrow.  i'm not sad about turning 40; i'm actually excited about it and welcome it with open arms.  but the PMS-40 combination has me an emotional (happy, grateful) mess.  but today is about celebrating...celebrating the past 39 years i've been so fortunate to live.  i. am. so. blessed.

and now to the video...

The True Love Project from Zack Seckler on Vimeo.

friendship

i believe in choosing our family of intention - our friends, our tribe, our soul sisters. for me, this all started when i was 12 years old, when i met gina, when i began to understand that friendship had the ability to make us feel settled and at home in our spirits no matter what else was happening in our lives. and that our friendships - the people we choose to surround ourselves with - gracefully hold the divide between all the experiences we travel through in our lives.- kelly rae roberts

oh these words of kelly's... they resonate in my soul.  deep to the core. i can't even begin to share how important my friends are to me and how much i cherish my amazing friendships. as one of my best friend's steph says, my childhood was rather "unconventional"...i no longer talk to my sister or my dad. and i talk to my mom on rare occasion. it's not something i'm proud of; it actually makes me sad, but it's the way it has come to be. but i think that is the reason why my friendships mean even that much more...they truly are, as kelly describes it, my family of intention.  i hold them close. and tight. they are part of me. they are my family!

++++++

when we lived in san diego, we lived next to the hasson family, for about six months. during the time, kiele and nat, developed a friendship that was beyond special--deeper and more mature than most eight- and ten-year-old friendships.  the hasson family ended up moving to FL and then to HI...and through the distance and their time apart, kiele and nat continue as BFFs, stronger than ever. if you saw this post, you know that one of the things kiele wants for christmas is to see natalie (they haven't seen each other since mid-2007). it was in 2007 that i took these photos of kiele and nat--a storyboard which still graces kiele's book case, front and center.

if you haven't seen kelly rae's artwork, you must check it out. she offers the most incredible and inspiring products--necklaces, prints, stationery, books, and original artwork. you can find it all here. and you can read more about kelly's post on her BFF and friendship here.

to my friends, my tribe, my soul sisters... i love you. i adore you. and i will forever be grateful for you.

this made me cry today...

that's what the subject of the email was, when she emailed me this.  leah is one of the greatest friends a girl could ask for--someone who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.  beautiful to the core.

i hope that you will take a few minutes to read the women's stories in this article.  each is beautiful.  truly and deeply beautiful...and inspirational. i have no doubt that you will relate to at least one of the stories...or at a minimum, it will pull at your heart strings.

in closing, i leave you with this question... what honestly makes you feel beautiful?

i'll be sharing some of my thoughts on beauty, in a post next week.

p.s. the photographs in the article are by a woman and photographer i so admire--the amazing mary ellen mark.  i attended a mary ellen mark workshop the beginning of this year, which was awesome.  and i was so fortunate to have been able to have breakfast and dinner (and incredible conversations) with her each day.  she really is an incredible woman.  and as leah said, the photos in the article are absolutely lovely.

today's treasure

kiele emailed me this letter (below) this morning.  i know i talk a lot about being thankful, but when you get treasures like this (often), how can one not be thankful! The Schwedhelm and Marston Kids Letter to Santa

October 4, 2009 Dear Santa,

This year, Skyler, Ryder and I (Kiele) would like everything listed below for Christmas.

Skyler’s List- 1.More Jewelry (charms for my little charm neckless, more pink necklesses, light pink heart earings, dark pink circle earings, lots of nice looking necklaces) 2.Pink picture frame of Amaya and I from San Diego 3.Some Treehouse chapter books for me to read 4.To be able to do ballet lessons (if I do get to do it can I have some shoes and a suit?) 5.A salon day (to get my hair and nails done!!!) 6.How to make different hairdos book 7.A pink flower clip for my hair 8.A cute little pink, diamond purse and wallet

Ryder’s List- 1.Transformers 2. G.I. Joe toys 3.Squirt guns 4.Books (Star Wars, Snakes, Spider) 5.Some superhero movies (spiderman,superman,star wars,batman and transformer) 6.A black picture frame of me and morgan and maddox 7.Hot wheel cars with cool, different tracks

Kiele’s List- 1.Letter kit, so I can try to save some animals (a cute kit to make pretty cards and envelopes) 2. Cute clothes (little scarf like Sky’s pink one) 3. Some things out of the PB teen magazine 4. To be able to take care of horses 5. To see my BFF Natalie for Christmas 6. If I’m lucky a pet HORSE!!!!!!!

The Pet’s List- 1. A long leash so Charley can play in the front yard 2. Some yummy dog treats!!! 3. A plant in the fish bowl (for Pumpkin and Autumn) 4. Maybe new toys 5. Tasty toothpaste that Charley actually likes

Thank you for all the presents you provide us every year. Love you and we can’t wait for Christmas day. You will get plenty of milk and chocolate cookies on chistmas eve. Bye Santa.

From: Kiele Marston, Skyler and Ryder Schwedhelm and Charley, Autumn and Pumpkin Schwedmar (a combination of Schwedhelm and Marston)

+++

the original letter is much more fun and decorative--with drawings, fancy writing and all.  santa will for sure be getting this letter, even if it was written almost three months in advance.

and of course, a photo, to accompany the letter.  took this with my iphone today.  and when i did, kiele said,

why are you taking photos with your phone all the time now and not your camera?

well... that's because my camera and two lenses are getting cleaned, checked and repaired, if needed, at canon (irvine, CA).  i'm also working with steve's laptop because my computer is on the fritz...needs a new video card.  definitely grateful for steve's laptop as a backup, but i miss my mac pro!

hmmm...i guess i should have included charley and the fish in this pic but oh well.  and as kiele says, peace out!

creativity, inspiration & success

understand the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. use it. dwell on the possibilities.- oprah winfrey

black sheep pen recently interviewed artist, jan harrison on his new blog, which focuses on the successful channeling of creativity. her interview is the only post so far, but so worth visiting and reading everything she has to share.  so very inspiring. i will definitely be adding black sheep pen's blog to my reader, so i can easily follow all his future posts.

i think what jan harrison says here is so incredibly powerful:

A successful artist is a person who is able to create something that manifests their truth...a perception that they feel they need to bring to the world. A successful creative person is someone who continues to create no matter what happens. I respect many artists. They are not all extremely successful in the art market, or in the art status structure. Some are, and some aren't. Some of the ones I respect have been overlooked. But I still consider them to be successful, because they have succeeded to give the world their vision, even though the world does not always acknowledge their worth...In other words, I define a successful career as much more than just external validation.

I love to exhibit my work, because I love to share it with other people. I am delighted when someone purchases my art. But, even that is not a true measure of success for an artist.

What I do is meaningful to me because it helps me to live in the world. I am working for my character…and the work I do brings me closer to my true self, and to a universal self.

i also love how ms. harrison speaks of her art pieces evolving as she works.  i also feel this way as a photographer.  i have many people ask me about how i edit or what actions i use to edit...and while there are certain actions that i consistently love to play with, i can honestly say that no two photographs are edited the same.  i kind of equate my editing to painting (although i've never actually painted, it's what i imagine a painter would do and how one would feel as he painted).  i feel my work.  and i edit and work with the image, until it feels right...

for the image. for my mood.

and i close with these words from jan harrison, which also greatly speak to me.  i, too, have never been blessed with a great deal of self-confidence, but i do have the courage (love and passion) that she speaks of.

I have never been blessed with a great deal of self-confidence. I think that is partly because I have dyslexia, and right and left are confusing to me. Learning in school was difficult. But I do have courage, which makes up for the lack of self-confidence. Even when times have been difficult, I have continued working...because creating art, for me, is a form of meditation, a necessary part of my life.

thank you black sheep pen for sharing jan harrison with us.  thank you jan harrison, for your honesty and words of wisdom.

this path of creativity is the most challenging and most rewarding path i have ever walked.  having only recently embraced this path, i look forward to what this path has in store for me and where it will take me.

i'm so blessed, i can't stand it!

it's funny because i must say "i can't stand it" a lot.  today, ryder said that his friend's dog was so cute, he couldn't stand it. now on to the real reason for this post...

i have an amazing, incredible friend, who was recently diagnosed with cancer.  she's having surgery in two weeks and i wanted to give her something special--a gift of strength, encouragement and hope.  i posted on facebook, looking for ideas, and got the most heartwarming responses.

this amazing soul offered to hand make a very special something for her.  and on her blog, i found this most fabulous print, from guest blogger leonie allen.  a print that you can download for free (although you should hurry b/c i'm not sure if it's supposed to still be downloadable).  i will soon have the print framed, hanging beautifully and proudly right next to my desk.  oh my...it feeds my soul!

so as we all dream to create our own magic, i encourage you to read the blogs of amazing people like this.

yes, my heart if full.  and i am so blessed.  so very, very blessed!

my portfolio is me.

i saw this in an academy of art university ad quite a while ago and forgot that i had it saved as a blog draft.  i love it so! my portfolio is me. everything that i am and it's everything that i'm not. it's my strengths and my weaknesses. it's my self-confidence and -esteem. my past. my present. and most definitely my future. my portfolio is where i'm going. where i've been. and the places i shouldn't have been and shouldn't go. it's everything. it's my inspiration and never finished. always a work in progress. it's everything i've ever seen, heard, touched, smelled, sensed and believed. it's my worst fears and all my hopes all at the same time. it's the beginning of the beginning and the end of an era. and so much more than a phase. it's my portfolio and describing it is describing me.

i wish i could find an artist that could make a cool print out of these words. i think it's rather brilliant and would love the words up on my wall!

+++

i've always said that i'd love to one day attend photography school.  it's just something that i feel i need to do.  one of those things.  and...i just noticed that the academy of art university's school of photography offers online AA, BFA and MFA programs.  hmmm...i might have to investigate this some more.

and since a post just doesn't seem complete without a photo, i'll share this one.  i dug it out of the archives today, for a friend (sending her some strength and hope). sky, taken in 2008. sigh...she's grown up so much since then.

their miracle

could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?- henry david thoreau

i met marcina through max's family last year. and from the moment i met her, i knew there was something special. there was just this beauty and essence about her. you could see it. you could feel it. an then i learned her story...

two years ago (in november), neil was taking their daughter, kendra, to a screening in LA. kendra had been acting for years.  at the end of the day, he began throwing up and thought he had food poisoning. he felt he was okay to drive home to san diego but things got worse and he had to pull over at a gas station, to throw up again.  shortly after that, marcina got a call from kendra,

mommy, daddy's really sick, we're on the side of the freeway and he is now sleeping and has thrown up all inside the car.

they were on the side of the highway, with neil in and out of sleep.  with marcina's mom on the phone with kendra the entire time, to help her feel safe, and marcina's dad on the computer mapquesting and directing marcina to neil's location...marcina was on her way, driving into miles of heavy traffic. luckily, kendra was able to read a few signs out the window, to help determine exactly where they were. when marcina arrived, neil was asleep and kendra scared but safe. they drove back to san diego and marcina put neil into bed.  after continuing to vomit and sleep throughout the following day, marcina decided to take neil to the emergency room that night.

they sat in the waiting room for a bit and then neil was called back to be seen. thirty minutes later, a nurse came out and asked kendra if she would like to come with her to color. a few minutes later, two doctors take marcina in the opposite direction, to tell her that neil is very, very sick and most likely would not live through the night. they encouraged marcina to notify family and that she and kendra should say their final good-byes. this was the beginning of their seven-month journey on an emotional and painful rollercoaster...

over the next seven months, neil most likely had a stroke and suffered a brain bleed. he underwent four brain surgeries, infections, two weeks in a coma, months in the hospital and now has a prosthetic bone flap and front skull. the family was told three different times that neil would not live and that if he did, he would most likely have physical challenges and brain damage.

well today, neil is alive and doing fabulous.  while he still has very vivid dreams from his days in a coma and continues to be closely monitored, if you met him, you would have no idea what he went through.  you see no scars.  he has no lingering ill effects (that are apparent to me).

the C family has the most amazing love for one another and outlook on life. and needless to say, neil being alive today is a miracle.

but there's more to this story. the first time i photographed the C family was last november. originally they were scheduled for 2009, but i happened to have a cancellation. after we were done shooting and marcina was sharing with me how thankful she was to be able to get in on a cancellation, she suddenly realized that the shoot was on the same day as neil's first brain surgery--an anniversary of sorts. and it is for that very reason that the photo below is so much more than just a photo for them. and it's a photo that almost didn't happen...

their entire session was super overcast, until the very moment of this shot. we were walking back to the car and i noticed the sun had come out.  when i looked at kendra and saw the halo of light surrounding her, i said that she looked like an angel and asked if we could take a few more shots.  little did i know at the time how important and magical the photos would end up being.

i also wanted to share a bit more about what kendra is currently working on.  she's 10 years old now and has recently written and is going to be recording a song, voices of the children. the producer is already working with the band and hopefully kendra will be recording in a few weeks, with the release date anticipated to be the end of the year. kendra has decided that she will donate a portion of the proceeds to two children's charities: casa de amparo and childhelp.

one of the goals of last weekend's session was to get a photo for kendra's CD cover. this one is my favorite.

it is always such a joy to see them, as each of them is amazingly beautiful inside and out, with a zest for life that is unmatched. i am truly blessed to know them!!

ETA: neil was officially diagnosed with a cerebral hemorrhage (bleed). to this day, they do not know what caused this to happen. the first night in the hospital, his blood pressure was around 250/150. however, they can't say definitively that that is what caused the hemorrhage.