permission to dream

as i continue to try and find a way to go to miami and photograph my kids with this piano (dreaming that it IS possible), the past couple days has had me thinking a ton about dreaming and risk-taking. then i saw the following post on facebook, from my friend (and past workshop attendee), jess --

my dream: to have a photograph i have taken...on the cover of a book. i swear...i buy books by their cover...and would die if i could accomplish that!

and i thought, why don't we share our dreams -- our wishes, hopes, desires, aspirations -- more often? what a powerful thing, to put your dreams out there. to set them free. and surround yourself with supporters. and other dreamers. truly, what do we have to lose?

i  so believe... in dreaming big. working hard. taking risks. knowing that anything is possible if we allow ourself to dream!!

yesterday, i read this quote and found it so inspiring... if we always did what was known, there would be nothing to learn, explore or gain. isn’t it the surprises, the unexpected twists and turns that give meaning to our journey and make our dreams happen? Without risk, we’d stay hunkered down in our heads instead of living out loud in our hearts. - author unknown

and then i happened across this quote this morning. every thought you think is taken as a command by your subconscious, but it’s your strongest thoughts that become your true goals. - brian mayne

can't help but think how truly powerful it is to fill your mind up with positive thoughts and big dreams.  so tell me, WHAT IS YOUR DREAM(S)?

it's a swirly mess

yep, just like that...i feel like i'm back to a swirly mess. my mind...that is. spinning in circles. with thoughts. questioning. wondering.

i see blog posts about why we do photography? and i see blog posts about beautiful, confident, amazing women.

and my mind just starts swirling... about who i am. and what do i REALLY believe is important. about what really matters.

and then i silently whisper (or yell) to myself... really.......what is important? damn it.....WHAT?

and then i go on to read another blog post or edit a photo or answer an email or waste time on pinterest, but amongst the swirly mess, the yelling continues... really, what the fuck is important and really matters in all this... in life. in photography. in everything.

i'm not sure i'll ever have a complete grasp on the answers but i'm so thankful for these amazing women in my life, who continue to challenge me, get my mind swirling and keep me on the right track. even though they might not know it, i'm so, so grateful for their presence, voice and encouragement.

and so with all that said, i share an important, every day moment in our everyday life -- an after-school-watching-tv kind of moment.

a contest | friendship

with our winter wallflower friends retreat right around the corner and *registration closing in two weeks, we thought it was a perfect time for a photo contest. and we're excited to share that the winner will receive a gift certificate from lensbaby, to select the lens of your choice.

to enter the contest:

simply, post your favorite FRIENDSHIP-themed photo to the wallfower friends facebook page and include the following link in your caption:

http://www.wallflowerfriends.com/wallflower-friends-blog/2011/1/7/photo-contest.html

contest deadline is friday, january 14th at 5 PM (CST).  winner will be announced on facebook monday, january 17th.

only one entry per person.

*just a few seats remain. if interested, we encourage you to register soon.  registration closes jan 21!!

our role in history

a couple weeks ago, steph shared this amazing photograph with me (beyond the obvious capture of the moment, there's such awesome timing and composition). the photo was taken mid-february 1975, when mike (steph's husband) was about 10 weeks old. mike's dad, bill, was coming back from a six-month deployment on the USS independence, where bill was an A7 corsair II jet pilot, doing his department head tour.

and then there's this photo, taken december 18th 2010 of mike's homecoming, from being deployed six months.  he, too, met his baby for the first time, at 10 weeks old.  and mike, too, is a fighter pilot, who was doing his department head tour.

i feel so incredibly blessed to have captured this image for the beaty family.  hopefully it will be a photograph that will be treasured and passed down for generations, just as above photo from 1975 has.

+++

my friends and i have talked a lot about photographs and their role in history, especially those coming from professional, editorial, etc. photographers. what's real? what's not? what has been altered? what's been added? the thought of photographers altering the photographic documentation of history is upsetting.  are they documenting history at all? or creating their own history, in a sense.

although i have to admit...sadly, i am guilty.  i'm not sure my kids have many photos that haven't been altered in some way (contrast added, a pimple removed, etc.). and yes, that makes me sad. damn it.

hmmm...maybe that's an idea to start this year.  in my family's annual book, i will include at least one completely unaltered photo of each of my kids.  i like the idea of the photo being of them non-smiling.  just them being them. kind of like this...

found via pinterest.  amazing, huh?!! quite a brilliant idea. i couldn't find the exact source for the above photo collage, but when i clicked it from my pinterest, it took me to this blog.

yes, i will definitely do that. at least one photo. it's a start. and i think i'll make that one photo film.

ETA: my sweet friend, erin, just posted a comment about the 'perfect shot' and i can't tell you how guilty i am of that so i wanted to add here.  i long to let go. to be free. it was actually one of my monthly resolution topics -- LET GO (being less perfect) -- to capture the everything just the way it is. stepping back and capturing more of the scene is something i am going to really try and work on this year. thanks for sharing erin. love you friend.

friendship & inspiration

we met the C family when we lived on whidbey island, WA.  our husbands worked in the same EOD unit.  we lived on the same circle and our houses were separated by a playground.  and we fell in love with the C family the moment we met them.  our families were stationed together for two years and they helped us get through our own deployment (steve left when i was three months pregnant and he returned a couple weeks before ryder was born). and it just so happens that the C family now lives  only about 10 minutes from my friend, steph.  it had been six years since i last saw them and it was so, so awesome to see them again!!  they haven't changed a bit...except the girls are now 16 and 14 instead of 10 and 8.  oh my!!

also, i have to share that lou was my inspiration for starting crossfit.  we're friends on facebook and i had been reading her posts about how much she loves crossfit and how it was life-changing for her.  here's a before and after photo of lou.  the after photo is about one year later and 35 pounds lighter.  her strength, focus, passion and determination inspires me daily.

and here's some photos i took, while i was there this past weekend.  they sure did an amazing job at not looking cold.  it was 34 degrees when we were doing these.  i had on a parka; they kept running into the heated car to warm up for short bits.

and then lou's beloved dog, Pnut, joined us for a few photos...

i'm so looking forward to going back to virginia beach this april, when i'll be doing rachel's senior pictures.  woot woot!!  and of course, i'll get to hang out with this awesome family again.

together again

i first met martha in march 2007, when we got the girls together for this photo shoot.  i think we had mentioned back then how ellie and sky kind of look alike.  well...really, they don't, but there's something about the two of them -- so similar.  maybe a bit hauntingly similar.  we both see it.  not sure if anyone else does, but we do.

and i couldn't believe when martha sent me some recent pics of ellie.  i paired one of them with a photo of sky and sent martha the diptych in an email...

left photo courtesy of martha | i see the moon photography.

we've been chatting the past few days -- dreaming of getting the girls together again.  we'll figure out a way to do so in 2011.  we're determined.

can you just see it?  see them TOGETHER in photos? i can! oh my!  we have big plans for the two of them...someday...one day -- soon!!

p.s. martha is one of the most passionate, emotional, creative, talented, kind, wonderful women i have ever met.  please take a minute (or two or three or...) to check out her incredible work.

happy you are home

being especially thankful is obviously on everyone's mind this week.  but this family has something momentous to be thankful for; they will never forget thanksgiving 2010. daddy is coming home from iraq this afternoon.  he was gone six months -- left when their baby was three months old.  and steve just happens to be best of friends with B (they met in EOD school), so my whole family will be there to welcome B home.  and i get the honor of photographing the homecoming.

so can't wait.

just a few more hours now.  and we're getting our signs ready :-)

hoping to share some homecoming photos in the next few days.

wishing everyone a most wonderful thanksgiving tomorrow -- filled with love, laughter, friendship and joy.  we have so much to be grateful for!

how things work(ed)

meet my dear friend, heather, and her two boys (ages 3 years and 8 months). her husband isn't in the photographs because he's currently deployed in iraq and has been for the past six months. yes, he deployed when the baby was only a couple months old and the baby hasn't been the easiest baby in the sleeping department. we're hoping heather's husband is home in time for christmas. fingers crossed!! heather absolutely amazes me -- her strength, kindness, patience and generosity -- to mention just a few of the amazing qualities this woman possesses. i've known heather as long as i've known steve. you see...heather was actually the mastermind behind steve and i meeting one another in destin, florida, at AJ's. heather reminded me of the story yesterday, which goes something like this...

some guy spilling his beer on me. me getting mad, having had a beer or two myself. guy's friend, heather, intercepting by sending a cute guy over to create a distraction. enters cute guy...steve!!

steve and i saw one another every day from that day forward (until he had to move to WA and i had to stay as an air force nurse in FL). that was back in fall 2001.

and heather just happens to be married to one of steve's best friends, brian (he and steve went to EOD school together). so after not seeing one another for almost nine years, our families now live 40 minutes apart. how lucky are we?!! funny how things work sometimes. actually, it's amazing how things work sometimes. and it all brings me back to how very blessed i am!!

thank you heather for being you -- for your friendship and for your never ending support, encouragement and inspiration (oh...and for introducing me to my husband :-) ). adore you and your family and am so excited to share our next three years together! soon, we will celebrate and do photos of your complete family. can't wait!! xoxo.

change

i've had a great photographer friend, jen wright, visiting from atlanta, for the past few days.  so much fun!!  and yesterday, we decided to go scout tampa locations for a bit and then photograph my kids, in the evening. i begged jen if she would photograph my family (she doesn't like the pressure of photographing other photographer's families). finally after enough begging, she agreed. when she showed me the shot below, i was blown away at how much ryder has changed since our last family photos (a mere six months ago). he's grown up so much...sigh!!  but then i thought about how much each of us has changed since april...

kiele is now a teenager we moved from kansas to tampa and bought a new (old!) house ryder started kindergarten all three kids are in a new school and made new friends i've lost 5 pounds and am fitter than i have been in a really long time steve lost 10 pounds and started a new job i'm sure there's more where that came from but all my mind can think of at the moment.

left:  untamed heart photography (april 10) right: jen wright photography (yesterday)

left: untamed heart photography (april 10) right: mine (yesterday, utilizing the last bit of light of the day)

ryder is full of expression these days and as my new zealand friend peta would say, he's quite cheeky.  here's a few others from yesterday. so excited to have found another location i love. :-))

also, if you're a prospective tampa client -- i only have five session dates available for the remainder of 2010 (the latest being nov 21st). once those sessions are reserved, i will begin booking 2011. :-)

to stress or not to stress

i received an email this morning from my dear friend, crystalyn, with the below attached. she and i have been talking a lot about stress and ways to deal with stress lately. and i absolutely  love what she shared...

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight...but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, the burdens will become increasingly heavy, to the point when we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put your burdens down for a while and rest before holding them again. When you're rested and refreshed, you can then carry on with your burden(s)."

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow."

And here are some additional great ways of dealing with any burdens in your life --

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

- author | source unknown

in closing, i wanted to share a few more photos of my cherished friend, steph, who always handles life and stress with such beauty and grace.  her third baby is due in two weeks, while her husband is deployed (home mid-december).  and i'm so very, very excited to have been invited to photograph her family upon his return.

finding peace

meet my dear friend steph beaty, who i respect and admire beyond words. steph was actually one of my very first clients in may 2006 (referred to me by carrie sandoval) -- which is still hard to believe.  the photo below was from that first session together.  little did we know at that time, that we'd one day be the best of friends.

steph's husband is currently deployed and will (hopefully) return when the baby is two months old -- making steph's shirt peace on my mind very literal.  they also have a four-year-old and two-year-old.  steph's strength, along with her kindness, passion, faith and goodness, inspires me each and every day.

lucky for me, steph grew up in the tampa area and her family still lives here.  so while we live plenty apart, i'm excited that steph and i will see each other (at least once a year) over the next few years, while we're stationed here in tampa.

on steph's trip last week, i was able to do maternity photos for her.  to say the evening was magical would be an understatement.  we had already rescheduled once because of weather and this was it -- no more days to work with if this one evening didn't work out. i think the only thing that could have possibly made the evening the tiniest bit better would have been a can of bug spray.  at one point, i looked down at my leg and had at least 10 mosquitoes chomping on my calf.

i am blessed to have steph in my life and so grateful to call her my friend.  i could go on and on but i'll stop there.  i think y'all get my genuine admiration for this woman.  :-) © deb schwedhelm | tampa maternity photographer

a gift from an angel

do you remember her?  my great friend and an amazing photographer, terrie kellmeyer.  while on vacation the past few days, terrie emailed me how her profoundly hearing impaired baby, poppy, just received a gift from an angel (literally!!) -- sam's loaner hearing aids.  poppy (like her brother and my daughter) will be implanted with a cochlear implant in the the next year and until then, she will wear hearing aids, in case there is any chance of her having access to sound between now and then.  here is what terrie shared --

i took poppy to her audiology appointment yesterday to be fitted for her hearing aids.   after talking with joan and laurie and also the audiologist at children's hospital that did poppy's BAER test, i wasn't too optimistic that she would get any benefit from the aids, as her hearing loss is so profound.  but, my friend that has a son that also has a profound loss was over at the beginning of the week and she said that her son had a huge benefit from the aids, and was able to distinguish some words by the time he was 12 months and received his implants.

joan and laurie had arranged for a pair of loaner aids for me, but now that i was more hopeful that there might be a benefit, i asked joan if they were good quality aids, because i wanted poppy to have every chance to hear as much as possible while we're waiting for her implants.  she looked at me and said "these are VERY good aids" with a funny look on her face and i actually felt silly about even having asked the question...

she was fitted with the aids, and as i was getting ready to leave, joan looks at me and says "these were donated by sam's family........"  both our eyes instantly filled with uncontrollable tears and i was completely and totally overcome with emotion.  there was another family in the room waiting for their appointment who had no idea what was going on other than joan and i were crying over a pair of hearing aids...

i can't tell you how much the aids mean to me and to poppy.  her presence in our lives continues to bring blessings to our family, and now i have a renewed sense of peace that a little piece of sam will live on through her and that she now has her own little angel up in heaven watching over her.....

laurie gave me some covers for the implants that are a little more "girly" than the black and white strips, but i won't have her wear them- she will wear her black and white aids proudly in honor of sam.

i took some photos to share with sam's family.

thank you deb for introducing me to sam through your blog and for all the blessings that have come my way simply through your friendship and your beautiful soul that loves to give to others.

lots of love to you!

terrie

here is sam, wearing his new hearing aids (in sep 09).  i saw margot and sam at the audiologist's office, the day sam was fitted with his new hearing aids and i  remember (like it was yesterday) margot sharing with me how excited sam was to have his new hearing aids with zebra covers.

and sam and one of his brothers, in nov 09...our last photo shoot together.

thank you sam for the gifts you continue to share with us -- each and every day.  we miss you but know that you are watching over us from Heaven!

and here are a few photos that terrie took of poppy, wearing sam's gift to her.

love you neil and margot.  and think of you and the boys daily!!  thank you for coming into my life.  xo!!

when the stars align

monday, i had a new coach at crossfit because my regular coach was on vacation.  she asked me what i do and i shared with her that i was a child | family portrait photographer.  a bit later, a woman walked in, ready to train, and my coach shared that i was a photographer.  the woman said,

oh, we haven't had photos done in forever.  but i don't like the way i look right now so i keep postponing.

tears instantly flooded my eyes, as i shared about kirsten. and max. and sam.  and my is there a perfect time post (which i now have at the top of my blog, hoping that everyone who visits will click and read). i don't care if she commissions me but i begged her not to wait for the perfect time, which for her was when her hair is more grown out.

there's a few things i feel i'm really meant to do in this life (beyond the obvious of being a great mother and wife) and one of them is sharing the importance of family photos -- not for ourselves but for those who love and cherish us. in this life, we just never know...and there really is no perfect time!

+++

also, this past weekend, i was commissioned by two incredible north carolina photographers and women -- serena boggs and emily corey.  to say that i was a bit flattered would be a huge understatement.

today, i want to share a bit about serena's story (tomorrow...emily). serena commissioned me for photographs of her family. but she commissioned me for another reason too...

serena asked me if i would also photograph her in a special dress and coat -- of her mom's. sadly, serena's mom passed away eight years ago, while waiting for a heart. she was only 49!! needless to say, serena misses her mom deeply and is very passionate about organ donation.

i flew in pretty late friday but we knew we had about 30-45 minutes of light that evening to play with. we had also checked the forecast and were blessed with a weekend of great weather. and...

it. was. absolutely. magical.

i really do believe the stars aligned and it was meant to be. i originally wasn't going to be able to photograph the boggs family because i was going to stop in north carolina, while en route to tampa...and it just so happened that the boggs family were going to be out of town that weekend. then plans changed and i ended up flying to north carolina this past weekend instead. yes, some things are just meant to be.

this morning, while surfing facebook, i came across this from serena...

deb photographed me in my mommy's dress and fur coat. these shoots i have waited for just the right artist. photographer to capture. knowing how important these were to me and my family. i have longed to meet deb for many many years now. she is one of the most beautiful women i have ever met. her art is enchanting and heartfelt. all the stars aligned for these. i am forever grateful. forever changed. and the heirlooms she has given us are irreplaceable. these are gifts for my three daughter's. a part of me & a part of their grandmother. much love to you deb. our hearts are full and thank you's will never suffice. xo

i have to say...having met and been able to hang out with serena and her family, MY heart is full and i am beyond grateful.  i am seriously blessed. thank you serena for letting me into your heart and home and for just simply being you. © deb schwedhelm | tampa family photographer

p.s. i almost burst out of my skin when serena told me that her dream family portrait was one where everyone was wearing masks.  i so love that!

p.s.s. do you see the hearts in two of the above images?  i do.

so what...

...have i been up to lately?  oh nothing much.  just... traveling from kansas to florida photographing a wedding celebration in WV (more on that soon) sharing meeting lots of new friends settling into a temp condo registering the kids in summer activities, schools, gymnastics, etc. transferring my business getting ready to head back to san diego this friday for a workshop and client sessions and... buying. a. fabulous. mini. castle.

ok, it's not really a mini castle, but it's what i've told the kids. and i think they might just believe it...i mean really, it has a pool. :-) how could it not be a castle in their minds, even if they have to share a bedroom.  contract is officially signed and our move in date is scheduled for august 19th.

so. can't. wait. to. be. settled.

also -- i wanted to thank you for hanging in there with me, through this transition!!

sharing a few recent photos. special times with very special friends...

and then...

we went to a field.  a most magical field.  a place that swarmed with beauty and strength.  just like the momma, who we photographed. i couldn't get enough and i didn't want to leave. stunning in every way.

and i just had to share this excerpt, from this most incredible woman's blog post...because these words are so applicable to terrie. to today. and tomorrow. to life with this baby girl.

and i will crack myself wide open open open open to experience to pain to love to hurt to the brilliance that could be my life, that will be my life. - jeanette leblanc

terrie, do not fear. be open. and know that in the end, everything will be okay. actually amazing. you are blessed. you are strong. as will she. i wish i could share with you all that i see. and if i could, you would know that you have absolutely nothing to worry about. as jeanette so eloquently wrote -- cherish the experience, the pain, the love, the hurt, the brilliance. cherish all that life is about to bring your way.

underwater magic

just returned from san diego late last night and to say it was magical would be an understatement.  i photographed a ton and was able to get together with some incredible friends. i was commissioned by my sweet friend, terrie, to do her maternity and newborn photos (it just so happens that my july trip to san diego works perfectly with her due date).  since she's a friend and a photographer, i knew she would be game for pretty much anything.  so i threw the idea of underwater photos at her -- and game she was.  then i asked my dear friend and partner-in-crime, leah, if she would be interested in shooting too -- and game she was.  together, leah and i, collaborated and photographed terrie in leah's pool and later that evening, in the most magical field, in orange.

the following day, i photographed terrie and her family at pacific beach pier, which was so fun but crazy cold -- i ended up completely soaked and covered in sand.

shooting underwater...i felt this renewed spirit with my photography.  and even with myself.  i'm not sure i can fully explain it but my heart is so happy and inspired by the possibility of shooting more underwater photography and offering it to my clients.  my dream, wish, hope, desire is to purchase underwater housing shortly after we arrive in tampa and just go for it.  shooting underwater is not exactly easy but i love it so...and can't wait!!  what a perfect place to offer underwater photography -- the warm and beautiful waters of tampa, florida.  woot!  woot!

note: terrie and i have a special bond.  both our oldest children are deaf with cochlear implants, which is how we originally met (years ago, at an auction to benefit a deaf | hard-of-hearing organization).  terrie's second son is hearing and her baby girl on-the-way is going to be deaf.  this is what terrie shared with me after seeing the image below, which left me with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.  love you terrie -- for all your strength, kindness, passion, determination and beauty!!  you are one amazing lady!

I look at this and it is such a symbol of strength for me.  Knowing what this baby will go through with her hearing loss, knowing how strong she will have to be, how strong I'll have to be for her and my family, how much she will lean on me as she becomes a woman.  love that I'm standing tall and strong and ready to bring my babe into the world and face it together----oh how i love this photo!!!!

hoping to share more field photos tomorrow.  my heart is so happy!

bittersweet

with a mutual love and obsession for horses (amongst other things), kiele and haeley quickly became best friends, shortly after our arrival here in kansas.  and through their friendship, we met the rest of the deeney clan, who we just adored from the moment we met them.  and today, the deeney family departs -- well, the parents will actually be back for a week to pack out, but the kids are headed to their grandparents, after after they attend a family wedding in tennessee. watching kiele and haeley say good-bye last night...well, lets just say it was painful. sad, sad, sad! after haeley left, i couldn't get kiele out of her bedroom.  i couldn't sleep, trying to think of ways to keep haeley and payton (the kids) here a bit longer.  but as i share with my kids, i reminded myself -- we have to be thankful for the opportunity to have met these new friends.  and look forward to seeing them again one day (which we will!!).  if we didn't come to this army post here in kansas, for this one quick year, we would have never have met this awesome air force family.

over the years, from state to state, we have made some of the most amazing friends ever!!  and while leaving them is always hard, we are truly blessed to have met and shared time with them -- and that's what we have to remember and hold in our hearts.

to show my thanks to the deeney family, for their friendship and all they've done for us this past year, i did a photo session with them the other day....

we will truly miss you heather, jay, haeley and payton.  thank you for a fabulous year!!

note:  kiele and haeley have already made plans to spend a few weeks together next summer, on the deeney farm and as far as i'm concerned, i'll do everything in my power to make that happen, if they want that.

my WI friends

oh my freaky friends. i miss them so. already. their laughter is infectious and i try hard to still hear it. i want it engrained in my brain, so i can trigger it at will. a little shake of the head, flick of the fingers, whatever...i just never want to forget the joy. it was the most extraordinary weekend.  a weekend full of of craziness-- a whipping (not that kind of whipping) gettin' high (not that kind of high) trespassing a piercing (and a couple others that were almosts) gettin' naked (by accident) shooting lots of super yummy food and so much more. sounds fun, right? trust me...we had a blast!!

we laughed all weekend. and the energy was magical because they are magical. so full light, love and beauty.

i can't wait till the next time, which i am already trying to coordinate.

here's a few pics of these two fabulous women, from our shooting afternoon.

seriously love these two.  and a glimpse of what i so miss...

p.s. they're really not freaky at all but it was part of our weekend laughs.