finding peace

so it's the 2nd day of the new year and i haven't stopped thinking about what this year will bring.  or where i'm headed. or what my goals are. blah. blah. blah.

i THOUGHT i wanted to start my own personal happiness project.  the initial THOUGHT of it excited me.  and then i made a monthly resolution chart and the THOUGHT of it made me anxious as hell.  i'm not sure i could ever focus on one thing for an entire month; my brain so doesn't work that way (ask leah).  so i'm not sure i'll go much farther with my happiness project than this...

JANUARY’S RESOLUTIONS: JUST BE HAPPY (exploring everything happy) FEBRUARY’S RESOLUTIONS: SHOW ME THE MONEY (managing finances) MARCH’S RESOLUTION: LOVE GREATER (bettering my marriage) APRIL’S RESOLUTION: LAUGH MORE (lightening my attitude) MAY’S RESOLUTION: HAVE FAITH (exploring spirituality) JUNE’S RESOLUTION: PLAY GAMES (being the parent i want to [& should] be) JULY’S RESOLUTION: THIS OLD HOUSE (fixing up the house & yard) AUGUST’S RESOLUTION: REALLY FORGIVE (working on my past) SEPTEMBER’S RESOLUTION: COMPUTER-LESS (working on less computer, etc. time) OCTOBER’S RESOLUTION: LET GO (being less perfect) NOVEMBER’S RESOLUTION: WRITE THANK YOUS (appreciating friends) DECEMBER’S RESOLUTION: GIVE MORE (exploring ways to give back)

but it at least forced me to think about 12 things i'd like to work on throughout the year.  that's good...right?!  oh and business wasn't on my monthly resolution list because i KNEW there was no way in hell i could pick a specific month to dedicate to business.  that thought made me even more anxious. and health and fitness wasn't on there because i am totally getting back in my routine this week (yes, i've been absolutely terrible over the past couple weeks).

so what are my goals? i don't know. maybe i'll figure something out tomorrow. because right now, my brain hurts from trying to come up with something. maybe i'll just come up with a few business and personal goals and be done with it.  or maybe i just won't do anything at all and i'll let the year unfold exactly as it will.

anyways... here's a few shots from our day today.  spending time with amazing friends...boating to a tiny private island for lunch on the beach and spending time together playing, sharing, laughing and exploring. could it get much better than that?

the flag, to claim our island

and with that all said...and coming to peace with the fact that i don't need to make any darn resolutions or goals or anything for that matter on the 1st day of january...i feel better already.

coming home

tomorrow morning, i head to virginia beach, to see one of my best friends and her family.  but what makes this visit even more magical is that i'll be photographing mike's return, from his 7-month deployment.  AND he will be seeing his 10-week old daughter for the first time.  i love this family like my own family and cannot wait to see them and capture this most amazing time in their lives. the below image is sky -- april 2009, as we prepared for steve's homecoming.

and i know i posted the photo below a few posts ago but...this is steph, mike and their first child, liam, who is now 4-years-old.  steph and i met, when she was one of my first clients four years ago.  and now, i'm so grateful that we're the best of friends. :-)

along with the homecoming photos, i'm hoping to get a new family photo for them -- celebrating their family of five and being together again.

and now back to packing.  i have to not only pack my stuff, but also get the kids all packed.  i return monday night and then our family heads to nevada tuesday morning, for the holidays.

so very excited. about everything!!

give love

taken this morning.on our way to art class. in front yard. drawn to something about it. her. the statement. real. nothing fancy. just drawn. so go... give love. and have a fabulous weekend.

p.s. this morning is magically foggy but the kids have art class and then i'm attending a cookie exchange.  hoping with all i have to hope that tomorrow morning is foggy and i can go shoot my kids on the beach with some fabulous fog in the air.

2010 | client

some of my favorite client photos from 2010.  so fun looking through all the photos from this past year.  and can't help but think how blessed i am to do what i do!!  looking forward to seeing what 2011 has in store.

p.s. i have lots more favs but thought i needed to stop somewhere :-))

2010 | family

thought it would be fun to share some of my favorite photos of my kids from this past year.  it's crazy how much things have changed for our family in the past 12 months. also sharing the layout of my family book this year.  for those who are new to my blog, i do a family book every year (since 2006, my first year in photography).  each and every book is such a treasure -- proudly displayed front and center on the credenza in our living room.  i truly cherish these books!!

the only thing missing in the book is a photo of kiele, with her short hair.  must capture in the next few days.  thirteen is not the easiest to photograph...you know.  you can view a larger version here.

together again

i first met martha in march 2007, when we got the girls together for this photo shoot.  i think we had mentioned back then how ellie and sky kind of look alike.  well...really, they don't, but there's something about the two of them -- so similar.  maybe a bit hauntingly similar.  we both see it.  not sure if anyone else does, but we do.

and i couldn't believe when martha sent me some recent pics of ellie.  i paired one of them with a photo of sky and sent martha the diptych in an email...

left photo courtesy of martha | i see the moon photography.

we've been chatting the past few days -- dreaming of getting the girls together again.  we'll figure out a way to do so in 2011.  we're determined.

can you just see it?  see them TOGETHER in photos? i can! oh my!  we have big plans for the two of them...someday...one day -- soon!!

p.s. martha is one of the most passionate, emotional, creative, talented, kind, wonderful women i have ever met.  please take a minute (or two or three or...) to check out her incredible work.

and then the storm blew in

celebrate your success and stand strong when adversity hits, for when the storm clouds come in, the eagles soar while the small birds take cover.- author unknown

so we had this great idea today, to head to the beach...as a family. we hadn't done that yet here in florida. so we packed up the car and drove 40 minutes to this great beach. and there in the distance, we saw the storm clouds. what we didn't know is how fast the darn thing was moving. all of a sudden i hear...

i feel sprinkles. momma, i really feel sprinkles.

and poof. just like that, we were being poured on! steve was gathering up the kite. i was screaming for the kids to grab something and go.  of course, there was quite a walk from the beach to the car.  hands were full and we were moving as fast as we could.

so we went to the beach. for about 20 minutes. and drove home soaked for the next 40 minutes -- a family outing to remember, for sure. :-)

p.s. i have plans with this beach.  can't wait to go back.  all shot with lensbaby.  no time to change my lens...or really get my kids to cooperate.

happy you are home

being especially thankful is obviously on everyone's mind this week.  but this family has something momentous to be thankful for; they will never forget thanksgiving 2010. daddy is coming home from iraq this afternoon.  he was gone six months -- left when their baby was three months old.  and steve just happens to be best of friends with B (they met in EOD school), so my whole family will be there to welcome B home.  and i get the honor of photographing the homecoming.

so can't wait.

just a few more hours now.  and we're getting our signs ready :-)

hoping to share some homecoming photos in the next few days.

wishing everyone a most wonderful thanksgiving tomorrow -- filled with love, laughter, friendship and joy.  we have so much to be grateful for!

one of those pictures

this was one of those (polaroid) pictures where i just knew.  i was so drawn to it.  but i didn't know why at the time.  and of course, i second guessed myself (as i often do)... what is it? would anyone else like it? am i crazy for liking this?

but i stashed it away. and then came across it again yesterday. and i immediately knew.

empty house is the title of the image.

our last day in kansas. our empty house. getting ready to leave for the next phase of our family's journey. headed to tampa. sad and excited all at once. i didn't know it then, but this is an extremely important image in my collection of images. i think (and hope) it would speak deeply to every military spouse.

my polaroid SX-70 is such a special part of this photography journey of mine.

advice

i love her blog.i longed for the release of her book. and now i can't seem to bring myself to buy it. i mean i really want it. but then i struggle. i want to document my own advice to my kids.

polaroid from last year, in kansas.

and that brings me to another thought. my dear friends in san diego, who i cherish more than they'll ever know -- terry and richard. richard has battled cancer a few times (30 years ago, a few years ago and now) i remember so clearly when he was fighting MALT lymphoma a few years ago. you see... richard is the most amazing pediatrician (and man)!! they call him the baby whisperer. he's shared his thoughts, advice and medical wisdom with so many over the years. anyone who has had the opportunity to meet him and learn from him is so very blessed. and the thought of him not being able to share this with his own children (no grandchildren yet)... is a painful thought. so he began writing. creating a book... of this thoughts. guidance. wisdom. to pass on. through the years. through the generations. i'm not sure where things stand with his book. but i hope and pray he's been writing over these past few years. i definitely will be asking (and encouraging) the next time i talk to him.

a photo from when terry and richard first started dating. we had snuck it out, printed it huge and displayed it for their surprise 40th anniversary party.

terry & richard, with one of their sons and his new wife, at their wedding celebration this past summer.

so the folder has just been created and now sits on my desktop. as i begin to document my own advice. thoughts. anything. to pass on to my kids. and hopefully to their kids. and on and on.

thanks for the inspiration jaime. i will eventually buy the book.  it truly seems awesome. and... i mean really, could my kids ever have too much wonderful advice?!!

p.s. polaroid post still coming. in the next few days.  sometimes i just get a little side-tracked.

remember who you are

emily -- a previous workshop attendee, a client, my friend -- inquired the other day about purchasing a remember who you are print.

me: of course. emily:  i'd like to order a 20x20 print. me:  really? emily:  of course.

i had never printed one of my polaroids 20x20 before but she had. she printed this one that i took of lulu, during their session a few months ago. and now, the two will hang side by side in her house. i so can't wait to see.

after i placed the order, i shared the story of the remember who you are polaroid with emily and thought it would be fun to share here too...

a few years back, i attended a mary ellen mark workshop in venice beach, calif. the weekend was beyond amazing. not only did i get to listen to mary ellen mark speak and have my portfolio reviewed by her, i got to each breakfast and dinner with her all weekend (we just happened to be staying in the same hotel). just she and i sharing. it really was a dream come true because she (and sally mann) have been huge inspirations for me, from the very beginning.

so...as i headed back to san diego in the pouring rain, i passed the remember who you are painted on a garage door in an alley. i drove by. stopped. and backed up to take the polaroid. as i drove away, i prayed that it was going to turn out (i have PLENTY of polaroids that have not).

i can't help but think it was all meant to be.  the polaroid is and always will be one of my favorite images ever.

both images courtesy of emily corey

i think i'll share a bit more about shooting polaroids tomorrow.  i've been getting emailed a lot of questions lately. believe me...i'm no expert but i'm always willing to share my personal experience.

ETA: i really am longing to own a mary ellen mark print.  and when i was looking through her work today, i came across this one. oh my. it's just fabulous. a print that i think i'll appreciate more and more and more over the years. :-) © mary ellen mark

heart to heart

an oldie i came across today, from may 2008. apparently, i thought it should be titled heart to heart because that is the file name. i remember how much i connected with this image when i took it...and i still love it just as much now. a bit lost at the moment, i feel like i'm searching.  growing.  evolving.  i need to get back to shooting for me.  taking risks.  it's been a while.

my first

had my first tampa shoot last week.  i mean i've shot here before.  but this was my first family shoot.  here in tampa.  a client.  a friend.   i adore them. we decided to head to picnic island because they wanted beach and it's pretty close. i had shot there before on a cloudy (empty) day.  the M family moved here this past march, from ohio, and they wanted something florida-y so we thought picnic island would be perfect.

K and i talked about the location after -- nice because it offers both green and beach.  but the beach was not the greatest, we agreed.  the water isn't the kind you really want to get into and it was a bit crowded with some interesting characters.  so i'm still longing to find that magic beach, like this one.  i will eventually find it.  maybe here.  i mean really...PB pier didn't come to me overnight.  it will happen here too.  and so...the tampa location scouting continues.

with all that said, i do love the mix of green and beach that picnic island has to offer.  but i miss the texture and shade of a pier.  thanks M family for being my first!! :-)

peace

we're off to a (high school) tailgate neighborhood party tonight, a birthday get-together tomorrow and a shoot on 5-acres on sunday. i hope you have a super great weekend.

i never thought i'd say this...

i miss kansas. i miss... the seasons. the weedy fields. the trees. the corn fields. the hay bails. the changing leaves. the broken down barns. the cows. the cold. the snow. the slow. the peace. the quiet. yep, i'm missing kansas.

i want to get back to that place -- maybe not physically but mentally, as a photographer. i want to get back to exploring and shooting for me.  what's stopping me?  

not. a. damn. thing.

but me.

kansas was definitely a place and time in my life that i will never forget...for so very many reasons.  i am so, so grateful for the time.  kansas was simply meant to be...even if for only a year.

happy halloween

2007 | breckin, peep, sky, thatcher, kiele and ryder

2008 | sky

2009 | my three

how things work(ed)

meet my dear friend, heather, and her two boys (ages 3 years and 8 months). her husband isn't in the photographs because he's currently deployed in iraq and has been for the past six months. yes, he deployed when the baby was only a couple months old and the baby hasn't been the easiest baby in the sleeping department. we're hoping heather's husband is home in time for christmas. fingers crossed!! heather absolutely amazes me -- her strength, kindness, patience and generosity -- to mention just a few of the amazing qualities this woman possesses. i've known heather as long as i've known steve. you see...heather was actually the mastermind behind steve and i meeting one another in destin, florida, at AJ's. heather reminded me of the story yesterday, which goes something like this...

some guy spilling his beer on me. me getting mad, having had a beer or two myself. guy's friend, heather, intercepting by sending a cute guy over to create a distraction. enters cute guy...steve!!

steve and i saw one another every day from that day forward (until he had to move to WA and i had to stay as an air force nurse in FL). that was back in fall 2001.

and heather just happens to be married to one of steve's best friends, brian (he and steve went to EOD school together). so after not seeing one another for almost nine years, our families now live 40 minutes apart. how lucky are we?!! funny how things work sometimes. actually, it's amazing how things work sometimes. and it all brings me back to how very blessed i am!!

thank you heather for being you -- for your friendship and for your never ending support, encouragement and inspiration (oh...and for introducing me to my husband :-) ). adore you and your family and am so excited to share our next three years together! soon, we will celebrate and do photos of your complete family. can't wait!! xoxo.

change

i've had a great photographer friend, jen wright, visiting from atlanta, for the past few days.  so much fun!!  and yesterday, we decided to go scout tampa locations for a bit and then photograph my kids, in the evening. i begged jen if she would photograph my family (she doesn't like the pressure of photographing other photographer's families). finally after enough begging, she agreed. when she showed me the shot below, i was blown away at how much ryder has changed since our last family photos (a mere six months ago). he's grown up so much...sigh!!  but then i thought about how much each of us has changed since april...

kiele is now a teenager we moved from kansas to tampa and bought a new (old!) house ryder started kindergarten all three kids are in a new school and made new friends i've lost 5 pounds and am fitter than i have been in a really long time steve lost 10 pounds and started a new job i'm sure there's more where that came from but all my mind can think of at the moment.

left:  untamed heart photography (april 10) right: jen wright photography (yesterday)

left: untamed heart photography (april 10) right: mine (yesterday, utilizing the last bit of light of the day)

ryder is full of expression these days and as my new zealand friend peta would say, he's quite cheeky.  here's a few others from yesterday. so excited to have found another location i love. :-))

also, if you're a prospective tampa client -- i only have five session dates available for the remainder of 2010 (the latest being nov 21st). once those sessions are reserved, i will begin booking 2011. :-)

owning it

so...this photo of me was tagged on facebook yesterday.  and while my initial thought was that i was a tad bit embarrrased, i decided that instead, i would own it.

yep, this is me.  and this is often the way i shoot.  not sure where this oh-so-glamorous shooting position came from but it is what it is.  to be honest, i don't ever really think about how i shoot or what i look like, while shooting.  oh yea, that might be obvious by above photo. ;-)

so...i'm owning it!

this is how i shoot. this is how i capture the images i capture. this is me.

kristianne koch also captured this image of me shooting the canlas girls (left) at our wallflower friends retreat, in sundance, UT.  and then my image (right) -- shot at pretty much the exact same moment.  thanks for sharing kristianne!

i'm off today to san diego today, for a week of photographing clients.  it makes my heart so happy to have such amazing clients, who trust me to photograph their families over and over again -- some of them, i'm shooting for the third and fourth time.

with that said, i'm headed to the airport in a couple hours and must start packing. see you in a week!

be a dreamer

my heart is so happy...and full!

thursday afternoon, i got a voicemail from michelle, the no limits [deaf / hard-of-hearing theatre group] dreamer | owner | director. ABC was auditioning for a blonde-haired, blue-eyed oral-deaf teen, for their upcoming series pilot -- switched at birth. and michelle thought kiele would be perfect for the part.  the only problem...the audition was the following morning in los angeles.  after she chatted with the director, we decided to head to LA so kiele could audition in person. it was a chance of a lifetime and in my opinion...how could we NOT go. i purchased last minute tickets, threw what i could into a suitcase, and 30-minutes later, kiele and i were headed to LA.

kiele ended up not getting the part of daphne because they thought she was too young (the role is a 15-year-old, but apparently they're hoping to find someone 18-20s; kiele is 13). i can honestly say that kiele and i had the most amazing 24 hours, while there.  i'm so grateful for the opportunity. and i'm beyond proud of kiele.  not every child would do what kiele just did.

simply getting to audition for the part was an awesome experience. but beyond that, we got to hang out with some of the most incredible, inspirational people i have ever met -- one of them being michelle.

every time i see michelle, i'm beyond inspired!  she had a dream and she made her dream a reality. and every time i talk to her, i think i should go pursue being a deaf | hard-of-hearing (DHH) educational advocate.  when i'm with her, i feel that i really could make a difference, not only for the local DHH children, but across the nation!!

michelle, with her son, jack. captured yesterday.

kiele also got to hang out a bit with john autry.  at age seven, john was one of the first children to attend 'no limits' (he's now 21) and he had just returned from being a presenter at the 2010 media access awards (GLEE won the CSA award for diverse casting of actors with disabilities).  from what michelle shared, john was a superstar at the award ceremony!!

kiele had acted with john a few years ago in san diego, at a 'no limits' theatre play BUT we so hadn't put two and two together to realize that...

THIS IS JOHN -- the actor who played this most amazing, inspirational role on GLEE. OH MY GOSH!!

john talked to kiele about how important education is and how these acting parts are a bonus; he will never stop going to school and learning. oh my gosh!! seriously <lump in my throat>...so inspirational.  john is one of those people who smiles and the entire room lights up.  he just has one of those spirits and i have no doubt that his acting career will continue to grow!!

we also got to meet one of the most amazing women i have ever met -- enid wizig.  being in the presence of enid (87) and her husband, bernard (92), made me so happy.  they are so full of life. amazing. and so in love.  i could kick myself for not getting my camera out of the car and taking a photo of them.

enid contracted whooping cough at six months old, which resulted in her being profoundly deaf. back then, they didn't have hearing aids and her parents would use an ear trumpet to talk to her. later in school, she wore a large hearing-aid device, with the battery attached to her thigh. as a very young child, she had little to no language.  her mother insisted that she speak and hired a speech therapist, who charged $100 / hour (a very controversial choice, especially back then).  this woman believed in enid and ended up working with her twice every day for five years...for free.  and she taught enid how to speak.  enid mostly reads lips and has an unbelievable speaking voice.  to this day, enid proudly displays her speech therapist's 8x10 photograph, front and center in her living room.

enid was also the first woman to work for merrie melodies. she sat down and drew kiele this bugs bunny in about two minutes!  i asked her if she had any of her drawings in her house and she shared with me that she gave some to her children and sold the others for $10,000 each.

and i can't thank michelle's dad, nugent, enough. i know that he is michelle's mentor and from talking to him, i can 100% say that he is a dreamer. yet, he shared with me how michelle is the one who inspires him. their support and encouragement for one another is so heartening. nugent picked kiele and i up from the airport at 12:30 AM. he took us to the audition the next morning. and then took us back to the airport at 10:30 PM that night. he was willing to help in any way he could...and so encouraging and kind. thank you nugent; we couldn't have done it without you!!

lastly, happy 70th birthday john lennon. your wisdom and inspiration continue today!

JUST IMAGINE...